


Family Matters

by Frasers_soulmate



Series: Meg und Ben [3]
Category: due South
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Case Fic, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Family Drama, Sexual Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 68,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frasers_soulmate/pseuds/Frasers_soulmate
Summary: This Story is set about 12 years after the end of Due South. Fraser and Meg are married and having two kids. Robert, their ten years old son is suspended from school one day.When Ben finds out the reason for it, he just has to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a translation of my German story "Familienbande".  
> Actually, it's a sequel to another story but could be read as stand alone as well. It's part of a whole series  
> It's set about 12 years after the end of DS.  
> Meg and Ben are married now and have two children. The ten years old Robert William and the eight years old Caroline Margaret.  
> Ben calls his son Dot what's from the story before the boy was born.  
> Meg was already pregnant but didn't know about it yet, when Ben fell from an apple tree in Vecchio's garden, because Ray's nephew threw his ball in it.  
> The bullet in Bens spine shifted and he had to have surgery.  
> He was sick for a long time and still have some problems because some nerves were damaged during surgery. He's limping since then.  
> But he lives and when Meg told him that she's pregnant, he's proud. Meg said, the baby is still a little dot by now, but Ben told her, it's HIS little dot and that's how Robert became his nickname.  
> When Dot is about 2 years old, Meg gave birth to her daughter Caroline. Ray calls her "Little Dragon Lady", because the girl is just like her mother.  
> Robert is called "Little Ben" by Ray, because he's much like his father.  
> When Meg was pregnant with Robert, the Frasers bought a house in Ray's neighbourhood.  
> When Robert was five, Ben's companion Diefenbaker died of old age. Ben was very sad but he refused for a long time to get another dog.  
> But one day, Meg brought Lincoln...  
> So, the family is complete and Meg and Ben are still working at the Canadian consulate.
> 
>  
> 
> If you see some Grammar or spelling mistakes, just let me know. I'll edit then.  
> English is only a self-taught language to me, as some of you may know and I prefer to work without a beta.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you kindly.

"Do you want to bet, I know where Mom and Dad hid the Christmas presents?" Eight-years-old Caroline shouted to her brother, two years older than her. He put his hand on her mouth and looked at her with his big, blue eyes. "Not so loud, Caro.," he whispered. Caroline pulled his hand away and looked at him angrily. "Coward!" She said, "Who's to hear us?" "Dad has..." "Dad is still asleep and Mom is in the kitchen," she interrupted him. Robert frowned. "Sure?" "Most certainly. Come on!”  
"No!" The boy refused. He didn't want to have to endure his sister's whims all the time, be persuaded to do so by her and regularly collect the punishment for it for constantly defending her. And afterwards he regretted it every time and decided to stop protecting her.  
"You're such a soft egg, Dot!" She laughingly emphasized her brother's nickname, which Dad had given him before he was even born. She knew he hated being called that by her. "Shut up, Caro!" He hissed. The girl grinned. "Lets go, come on." Robert shook his head. "No, that's not fair and you know that.“ Pouting she stuck her bottom lip out and her coffee coloured eyes looked at her brother pleading. "Please, Robby…," she begged, "please, please, please! You're my big brother and I love you."  
The boy sighed. If she was like that, he couldn't knock anything off her. "So, alright." He replied, "Where are the gifts hidden?" Caroline took her brother by the hand and dragged him along the hallway. "Caro, where..." "Shh..." she interrupted him and put a finger to her lips. "In the parents bedroom. "She whispered. Horrified, Robby stopped and grabbed her by the arm. "Ouch!" She hissed as her brother stopped so suddenly, almost dislocate her arm. "What's that supposed to be, moron?" He let her go. "Forget it, Caro. Dad is still asleep." "So what?" The girl grinned cheekily and her brown eyes flashed. "That's the challenge right now." "You're crazy, you know?," Robert replied, shaking his head. "Without me, Caroline Fraser!" He turned around and walked back towards the stairs. “I'd rather help Mom with breakfast. You can get the hassle on your own this time."  
The girl knew she could no longer persuade her brother by flattering, so she got naughty. “You're a coward, Robert! The biggest coward in the world. You're certainly adopted because a Mountie kid would never be so cowardly." She stuck her tongue out at him. He smiled leniently. ''You're so childish, Caroline.” It made her angry when he was like that. She had inherited her mother's temper, while Robert had more of his father's quiet, kind character. "Oh, come on, Robby.," she tried again, "Mom says Dad had been out all night with Uncle Ray. He certainly sleeps until noon." "No, Caro. Without me!"  
Robert hopped down the stairs and laughed. "Then I tell Dad you annoyed me!” She snapped. "That would be a lie, though," Robert said indifferently, "Mountie kids don't lie. Maybe you're adopted? " He chuckled. "Aarrgh!" Caroline stomped up with her foot. “You're annoying me though!” "No," Robert said calmly, "you're just angry with yourself for not getting your will."  
"You're such a smart ass!" The girl bellowed, taking off her shoes and throwing them after him. Laughing, the boy dodged and the shoes padded down the steps.  
Robert disappeared into the kitchen while Caroline sat down on the top step and tears of rage ran down her cheeks.  
"What's that noise ?" Meg asked her son as he came into the kitchen. "You should be quiet. Your Dad needs his sleep."  
Guilty, the boy looked at her with big eyes and muttered, "I'm sorry, Mom." Meg had to smile involuntarily. Her son reminded her so much of his father. That's exactly how he had always stood in front of her desk. "Come on, help me set the table," she said, lovingly stroking him through the dark curls.  
Ben was woken up by the noise his children were making. What did they do again? He stretched. It had been a long night. Ray and he had been at a stakeout and had succeeded. They had caught the "bad guys." He grinned when he thought of it. Ray had thought he was once again in top form. Although Ben knew full well that he wasn't as fast as he was a decade ago, he would never be as quick. All right, he was forty-six now. This was not yet an age, but the many injuries from earlier times demanded their toll. Most recently his bad leg bothered him. He also had back problems from time to time. Well, what's it?  
When he heard his daughter sobbing, he stood up worriedly.  
Ben stepped out, clad only with his long-johns and barefoot in the hallway, and saw his daughter sitting on the staircase heel crying. He limped to her and sat down next to her. "Hey, sweetie, what happened?" He asked, worried, taking her in his arm.  
Caroline knew exactly the effect her tears had on her father and sobbed more strongly. "Did you hurt yourself, my sweetheart?" He wanted to know and kissed her on the hair. "Robert was mean to me." She said quietly. Ben wiped away her tears. "Oh, Caro. You shouldn't always argue. "  
He knew his daughter was certainly not entirely innocent of it. She was like her mother, sometimes a proper little dragon lady. He smiled. “Ah come on, let's go have breakfast, okay?” They stood up. Caroline looked at him from below and said: “Maybe you should put some clothes on first, Daddy? Mom always scolds us when we come to breakfast in pyjamas." Ben laughed out loud. "Today is Sunday, but maybe you're right." He took his daughter, lifted her up and twirled her around. She laughed. He then put her on his shoulders and went back to the bedroom with her.  
“You, Daddy.”, She noted, "Do your leg hurt you again?" Ben chuckled. "Don't worry, dear, your Daddy's okay."   
Robert set the table. Meg put the plate of pancakes down and asked, "What was going on again, Dot?" The boy sighed. Actually, he liked it when his parents called him that. So he knew they loved him. But if Caroline called him that...  
"Caro was naughty." He said, resigned, "As always. She's sometimes such a dragon lady." Meg laughed loudly. "Where did you heard that?" "Uncle Ray says it.", the boy admitted. "Yes, of course." His mother said, "I could have imagined that." "You know, Mom," Robert distracted, "actually it's a shame Dad is still asleep. He likes pancakes for breakfast." Meg stroke his cheek fondly. Not only did her son look incredibly similar to his Dad, he also had his considerate character and incredible powers of observation. "I think you guys were loud enough so your Dad is likely to get his pancakes." She said with a smile.  
Meg heard the stair lift buzzing, which had already been present when they moved in about ten years ago and which was just right for them at the time, because Ben couldn't walk properly after his severe back surgery.  
Her daughter's bright laugh told her she was right and Ben would get his pancakes for breakfast. Father and daughter entered the kitchen and Meg registered worried that her husband was limping more than usual. He noticed her gaze and shook his head imperceptibly.  
"Good morning, my beloved wife." He said with a smile, giving her a kiss. The children looked at each other and grimaced. Then Ben went to his son and stroked him through the hair. "Good morning, son." Robert was secretly glad he didn't call him Dot in Caroline's presence. "'n morning, Dad.," the boy replied, "Sorry for waking you up." "It's all right.", said Ben, smiling, "There are pancakes for breakfast that compensates for the lack of sleep." Robert grinned.  
While they were having breakfast, the children wanted to know what Ben's deployment with Uncle Ray was like last night. "Did you catch the gangsters?", asked Caroline. "Of course.", said Ben, "I climbed on the roof, smashed in the skylight and jumped ten feet in the deep. Directly between the bad boys." He winked at Meg, who stared at him with her mouth open. ' I'm just making fun' ,should that mean, but she wasn't sure who he was telling stories. She knew her husband after all.  
"Really, Dad?" Caro looked at him with big eyes. "Of course," Ben replied with a serious face. "They were very terrified. Ray and the others came through the door and in no time the bad guys were arrested." "Wow!" Caro was thrilled. Robert rolled his eyes and groaned. Ben looked at his son with played disappointment and asked: "What? Don't you believe me?” "Dad!", groaned Robert and it sounded just like Ben's own "Dad!" when his father had tried to pull his leg. Ben smiled. His son was just a clever guy. “Daddy doesn't lie!”, contradicted Caroline. "Sure!" Said Robert, "Once, I would have believed that. Dad, I know you have a bad leg. You can't jump ten feet in the deep. Plus, you've winked at Mom."  
For a brief moment, Meg saw the pain in Ben's eyes. Only for a split second, then he had himself back in control. Her heart hurt. She was so sorry. Ben grinned crookedly: “Yeah, you're right, son. You're pretty smart for your age, but we got them anyway."  
Robert suddenly felt sorry for his words. He, too, had seen the disappointed expression in his father's eyes. He put his hand on Ben's arm and said, "It's okay, Dad. You don't have to show off, I'm proud of you anyway.” Meg bit on her bottom lip and Ben said, "Thank you, Dot, that means a lot to me."  
After breakfast, Meg said: "So, kids, we're now clearing the table together and getting the kitchen clean. And Dad lies down again." Caroline put her breakfast crockery in the sink and flitted to the door, but Ben caught her by the collar. "Dad!" She shouted, outraged. Ben looked at her sternly. "Stay put, young Miss.," he said, "You help your mom." Caro pouted. "Yeah, I'm allowed to work and you're allowed to lie down again, that's not fair." She groused.  
Meg popped the cereal bowl, which she just held in her hand furiously into the sink and looked up to her daughter. Robert whispered, "Oh, oh..."  
Meg's eyes shot lightnings. She said strictly: “Caroline Margaret Fraser! Immediately you apologize to your father! After all, he worked all night while you slept comfortably in your bed. And besides, you woke him up with your quarrel."  
“Meg.,” Ben tried to reconcile, but she flashed at him, fuming: “You stay out! Go, lie down!” Ben couldn't quell a grin. She was in her "Inspector Thatcher mode." "Yes, Ma 'am.," he hummed, and wouldn't be surprised if the "Dismissed!"-order came from her now, but Meg looked at her daughter and said harshly, "What is it?" Caroline knew she was in trouble and looked up at her Dad from below. She knew he couldn't resist her gaze. She then said quietly, "I'm sorry, Daddy." Ben smiled. "All right, kid. Help your mother now." Meekly, she did. Meg didn't say a word to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert argues with his sister and the girl slips out something she shouldn't have said.  
> Then the boy runs away, but Ben finds him. Now he urgently needs a word with Ray .  
> And has to talk to his kids about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the next chapter of the English translation. I hope it's ok. But you can still tell me if there's something wrong with the grammar or used terms.  
> Thank you kindly.

When they were done in the kitchen, Robert asked, "Where is Lincoln?" Lincoln was the family dog. A descendant of Diefenbaker, who died five years ago. Robert had been very sad at the time, just like Ben. So they decided to have a new dog and since Dief had more offspring with his girlfriend, the Husky lady Maggie, they took one of them.  
Ben had explained to his then almost six-years-old son why Diefenbaker was named that way and the boy had said, "But since we live in Chicago now, we should call the dog for an American president." And so they opted for Lincoln.  
"I already let him out this morning in the garden.", Meg said. "You know how much he likes to romp in the snow." "Yeah, me too." Robert replied, "Mom, when can we do it again? Going to Dad's cabin?" Meg smiled and stroked her son's head. "Let's see..."  
The children put on their snow suits and ran out into the garden. Meg poured herself a cup of coffee and went into the living room. She needed a break. Ben lay on the sofa and read. His bad leg rested on a pile of pillows. "Hey," Meg said tenderly, "I thought you were sleeping?“ He grinned crookedly. "I can't." She sat down next to him and stroked his hair, which was turning gray at the temples. "The leg, isn't it?" "Hm...Mmm," he said. "Oh, Ben. Shall I bring you a painkiller?" "No, thanks. I ... I've already taken something," he admitted meekly. It was still hard to admit after all these years that he needed it now and then.  
"Where are the children?" He asked. "In the garden. Ben, we have to come up with something about Caroline. This can't go on like this. She is cheeky and rebellious." He chuckled. "She has that from her mother." Meg gave him a pat on the arm. "I'm serious, Benton!" "Me too." "Ben!" "Oh, Meg. She is just at an age when she tries to test her limits. Her temper just goes through with her every now and then.“  
Meg became thoughtful. "Dot was never like that. He's more of a calm, thoughtful guy. ", she said," And he gets persuaded by his sister to do anything, even if he's often punished. But he bears it silently. Sometimes I see in him a perfect younger edition of you." Ben rubbed his thumb over his brow. "Do you think we are always fair as parents?" He asked her. "You already are," she replied, "but I'm afraid I’m often too impulsive with some decisions." She looked at him in surprise, then she groaned, "Oh, God, you're right! Caroline is like me!" Ben laughed. Then he took Meg by the hands and pulled her close. "Come here, my lovely mom," he said harshly, "when was the last time we had time for ourselves?" "I can't remember."; she whispered. Ben took her in his arms and kissed her. "I love you, Meg Fraser.“

The door suddenly flew open and Caroline, covered with wet snow, stomped into the room with mucky boots. Her face was red and tearful. Her parents were startled. "Oh, my God!" Meg moaned, "What happened?" "Robert is gone ...", the girl sobbed. "What?" Startled, Meg and Ben stared at her. They both suddenly had a déjà vu. When Robert was fifteen months old, he was kidnapped by Victoria, Ben's ex-lover. Luckily he couldn't remember it and his parents had never told him. Maybe later, when he was older.  
"How, he's gone?" Ben asked, getting up from the sofa. He was all Mountie again. Meg suddenly had horror imaginations. Was her son walking with a stranger? He knew he wasn't allowed to, but the boy was so trusting. Like his dad.  
Caroline rubbed her tear-stained face and complained, "We had a fight and he threw me in the snow. Then he said he hates me and that I'm a dragon lady and Uncle Ray would say so too. And ... and then he took Lincoln with him and left the back garden. I ... I think Lincoln hates me too." The girl started sobbing again. Ben took her in his arms. "No one hates you, sweetheart. Robert just said that because he was angry." He led her into the hallway. "Come on, take off the wet clothes. Mom scolds you for messing up the floor. "  
Meg stood in the door and Caroline looked up at her from below. "Sorry, Mommy. I'll clean it up.“ "Meg smiled and thought, "By the way, Benton Fraser, now she's like you.“

Ben put on his boots and jacket. Then he took his hat and gloves. "What are you doing?" Meg asked. "I'm going to look for Robert. He knows he has to let us know when he leaves the property.“ Meg protested, "Ben! Your leg ... " “l'm okay, Meg. "She saw the hardness in his eyes. And the fear. "Ben ..." "What is it?" He snapped. "Ben, nothing happened to him, I'm sure.“, she said softly, "She's long dead." He froze for a moment. "Who is dead?" He heard his daughter ask. "Nobody, honey." He smiled at her. "I'm looking for Robert." Meg sighed. "Okay, but be careful."  
When he left the house, he heard Caroline ask, "Who has died, Mommy?" He knew he should tell his children about his past. He groaned inwardly. Would this story haunt him throughout his life?

Ben found his son down by the river. He stood on the bank and threw stones over the ice. Lincoln ran back and forth on the shore, barking. "Robert!" Ben shouted and limped as fast as he could towards his son.  
The boy heard someone calling his name and turned around. "Oh dear ...", he sighed when he recognized his father. Then he looked at Lincoln and said, "We're in trouble, my friend." The dog barked. "Okay," said the ten-years-old, "I get in trouble."  
Ben had reached his son. He was a little out of breath, which annoyed him, but it was a bit tiring to trample with his aching leg through the high snow. He just got older. Grimly he smiled.  
"Robert." Ben said. "Hi, Dad," the boy muttered. "By the way," Ben replied angrily, "how many times should I tell you to let me know when you leave the property? Even if we live on the outskirts, this is still a big city. Otherwise something can happen. Only the river ..." “Dad!", interrupted the boy, “I'm not stupid! And I'm not a toddler anymore. I'll be eleven in three and a half months. I know how to behave."  
Ben blinked irritably. His son had never talked to him like that before. But he was right. Ben smiled.  
This kid was just like him. When he was twelve, he ran away from home. And at sixteen ... He shook his head as he remembered. Then he put his arm around Robert's shoulder and said softly, "Yes, you're right, son. And besides, Lincoln is with you. He's a good dog, has his father's genes." Robert looked at him with a blue gaze. Well? No telling-off?  
"Boy," Ben said, "I'm just worried." "I know, Dad, and I'm sorry I opposed the order, but I was so upset about Caro.“ Ben shook his head. How did this kid talk? "What was going on?", he wanted to know. "I'd rather not say.," his son replied.  
"Why not?" The child was only ten, but it was already difficult to have a reasonable father-son conversation. But Ben wanted to do better than his own father. He wanted to be a good father to his children, wanted to be there for them when they needed him.  
"Dad?" Robert asked softly. Ben looked into his face. "Yeah?" "Dad, you and Mom ... wanted ... did you really want me?" "What?" Ben was confused. The boy looked down and shuffled sheepishly in the snow. "I mean ... um ...". Embarrassed, Robert rubbed his ear.  
"When Mom was pregnant with me, um ... that was ... I mean, you were very sick then, weren’t you?" "Hm, yes, but what does that have to do with it?" "Is it true that you really didn't want me because you were ill and in a wheelchair?" Ben was confused. His thumb crossed his left eyebrow. "Who says that?" He asked. Robert didn't respond. "Is that true, Dad?" Ben shook his head vigorously and pulled the boy close. "No, little Dot! We wanted you from the beginning. You were my beloved little dot, even when you were still in Mommy's belly. God, boy! Who tells such nonsense? You are the fulfillment of my dreams! I've never wanted anything more than a family. Did Caroline say that?“  
Robert nodded silently. Ben was outraged. How did the girl come up with such an idea? Softly, the boy said, "She says Uncle Ray and Aunt Frannie talked and she overheard it." "Nonsense!" Ben laughed. "I love you, Dot. I always have and Mom loves you too. Even Caroline loves you, even if she claims otherwise."  
Lincoln barked. "And Lincoln loves you too." Ben added and they laughed. "Come on, son," Ben said, "let's go home."

When they were standing in front of their house, Ben said, "Go in, son, I have to go over to the Vecchios for a while." The boy looked questioningly at him. "But ..." he stuttered. Ben put his arm reassuringly around his shoulders. "It's OK. Tell your mom that we've already talked and that I'll be there in half an hour. All I have to do is to talk to Uncle Ray." Dot nodded and walked slowly up the stairs to the front porch.  
He quietly opened the door and slipped into the hallway. He wanted to sneak into his room without anyone seeing him, but Lincoln thwarted him. He ran into the living room where Meg was. "Lincoln!" He heard his mother call, "Where are Robert and Ben? The dog yelped. Meg stepped into the hallway. There, her boy, jacket in hand, stood on socks and looked at her with Ben's blue Mountie gaze. "Where have you been and where is your father?" She asked. "I was by the river and I'm supposed to tell you about Dad, that he had to go to Uncle Ray. He'll be home in half an hour." Meg was relieved. "Boy, you know you shouldn’t leave the property on your own." “I wasn't alone, Mom. Lincoln was with me, and besides, I'm old enough. I don't understand where the problem is. I can't even go to school with the school bus, like everyone else. I just don't know why? Am I a prince or something that needs special protection so no one kidnaps him?" Meg's heart contracted. She knew her son just wanted to make a joke, but had no idea how close he was to the truth. 'She's dead,' Meg told herself, 'Ben was at her funeral.'  
"You are my prince," she affectionately said, "Prince Robert William Fraser the First." She smiled, but Robert had noticed the shadow that had just rushed over her face.

"Benny!" Ray called in surprise as he opened the door for his friend. The smell in the Vecchio house reminded Ben that it was just before noon and he was hungry. He missed the Sunday dinners at Ma Vecchio. He grinned. "I will not stay long, Ray. I just have to talk to you shortly.“ "Ray frowned. "Did something happen? Are you okay?" "Yes, Ray" Ben reassured his friend, "I mean, no ... I ... er ..." He rubbed his brow. "No, nothing happened and yes, I'm okay."  
After Ray had removed all the Vecchios from Ben, including his Ma, who wanted to invite him to dinner, which he politely but firmly declined, he pulled him into his room.  
"Come on, Fraser, here we are undisturbed." Relieved, Ben dropped into a chair. "Okay," Ray said, "shoot. Where is the shoe pressed? "Ben winked irritated. "Shoe?" "Fraser!" Ray groaned, "I mean, what can good old Ray do for you?" “Ah," Ben said, suddenly thinking of Ray's shoe stuck in the mud when they were supposed to ferry Ian MacDonald to Canada and Ray's Riv got stuck.  
"Benny?" Ray sounded worried. "Is everything really okay?" Ben grinned. "Er ... yes." Again he rubbed his brow. "Ray, I wanted to ask you something," he said shyly. “Sure. Whatever you want." Ben slid awkwardly in the chair, cleared his throat, and said, "Please, Ray, if you're talking to Francesca or anyone about things that happened before my children were born, please make sure they're not around, I'm afraid they inherited the above-average hearing from me." Embarrassed, he rubbed his ear and grinned crookedly. Ray frowned. "I don't understand..."  
Ben explained it to him. "Oh man!" Ray sighed, rubbing his almost hairless head, "I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't know ... I just talked to Frannie like that. I mean, you were very sick then and Meg was pregnant and ... oh, man!" He groaned.  
"Alright," Ben said, "I think I'll have to explain a lot to my kids." Ray nodded. “Maybe it's a good idea. And I promise you next time to think, before my tongue runs free. I'll talk to Frannie." “Thanks, Ray." Ben got up. "I have to go now. Meg is probably already waiting with lunch."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids sorted out their feud and the family decided to go sledding in the afternoon. Ben isn't feeling well but he'ld never admit it. The kids figure out there's something wrong and the parents already know they have to have a talk with their offspring.

Chapter 3

Lunch at the Frasers was relatively quiet. Caroline knew she should apologize to her brother but was too proud. The siblings didn't even look at each other. "Hey, what are we going to do this afternoon?" Ben broke the silence. "How about skiing?" Caroline burst out. "Well," Meg said, "that would be great, but I'm afraid Dad can't ski with his bad leg." She looked at her husband, whose eyes were dark. There it was again, the pain in his eyes, but quickly he was in control again. He smiled. "Then you three go skiing and I'm going for a bit with Dief ... um ... Lincoln," he said softly.  
Meg knew the fact that he mistakenly called Lincoln Dief reminded him of his former loneliness. But he wasn't aware of that. She knew he wanted to do something with his family. Robert jumped in. "Why don't we all go sledding together? And if you can't walk anymore, Dad, you just sit on the sled and Lincoln pulls you. After all, he is a sled dog." His parents laughed.  
"You’re so stupid!" Caroline said. Meg and Ben looked at her warningly. "It's true," she mumbled, "Dad's too heavy for Lincoln." "There's something to it." Ben said, "However, I don't think your brother was serious, Princess. You really shouldn’t always be so naughty." Caroline looked at her dad with that look that she knew he couldn't resist. "If so," she said softly, "He hates me anyway.“ Her parents knew that must have hurt her daughter deeply, even if she would never admit it. "Nonsense," he said. "Okay.", Meg got up, "We're doing the following: Robert and Caroline, you go into a room and sort that out. Your dad lies down on the couch for a while, resting his leg so he can be fit afterwards, and I clean up the kitchen. If you've settled your quarrel, we can go sledding, okay?“ The children nodded, knowing that they had no choice, but Ben protested, "I'll help you in the kitchen."  
"Oh, no, Mr. Supermountie! YOU lie down." He sighed. "At least give me a kiss." She did it. Caro took her brother by the arm. "Come on, Robert, it's going to be disgusting." They heard their parents giggle.

"When I grow up and have a family, I want to be the boss as well, like Mom.", Caroline said as she walked up the stairs to her room with her brother. Robert looked at her and rubbed his brow. "There is no boss in a family," he said, "Everyone is equal." “No," his sister contradicted, "Mom is the boss. Mom is Daddy's boss at work too. He always does what she tells him."  
"He doesn't do that!" "Yes! You just never noticed. It's like the wolves, Mom is the Alpha Beast, then Dad and then we come." “You're crazy." “It's true! I've read that in a book about wolves." "That Mom is the alpha animal?" "No, stupid, that there's a ranking in the Wolves' Family Association. Just like us. I just haven't figured out which of us is the last in the ranking." "The Omega Wolf." "Yes." "Caro?" "Huh?" "I don't hate you. Actually, I love you, but you're never allowed to say that again." "I know, but Uncle Ray and Aunt Frannie said it." "Hm.“ "You know, Rob, this morning, when you went to the river with Lincoln and Daddy wanted to find you, Mom said something strange to him." “And what?" "She said: Nothing happens to him, she is dead. When I asked who was dead, they blocked it off." "Hm ..." "Rob, I think Mom and Dad are keeping things away from us." "That wouldn't be fair." "Well, there's a ranking." "Nonsense. We can ask them." "Don't you dare." "Why not?" Caro shrugged and said quietly, "You know, Rob, sometimes it's a bit scary right now." "What do you mean?" Robert frowned at his sister. "I don't know," she answered hesitantly, "I think before we were born, something terrible happened." Robert chuckled. "Sure, mom and dad told us. Dad came here from Canada because someone had shot grandfather and he was looking for the killers. Grandfather was a legend. Well, and later, Daddy met Mom. But he was already sick then." "I know that, Rob. Dad had a bullet in his back and almost died, but just before you were born, the bullet could be removed. But that's why Dad's leg is bad and he can't ski with us anymore. What I want to know is who shot him?"  
"Caro." The boy put his hand on his sister's arm. "Dad is a policeman. It was certainly some criminal." "But Dad isn't a real cop. Not here, only in Canada. Here he is a binding officer." “Liaison Officer. "Robert corrected his sister.  
"And what is a liaison officer, if you are so smart?" There she was again, the little dragon lady. "Caro!", Her brother warned, "I don't like it when you are so saucy." "Saucy ..", she repeated disparagingly and giggled, "You’re sometimes just like Dad, who also always says such funny words. Uncle Ray says he's from the previous century." "He'll is, "Robert replied with a mischievous grin. "What?" "We now have the 21st century, if you didn't notice that, Sister." He laughed. Caro grabbed a pillow and tossed it at him, he caught it and threw it back. Caroline dodged and the pillow slammed into the bookshelf. Rumbling the books fell to the ground. Startled, the children looked at each other. "Oh oh ...", Caro said. They cleaned up the books together when suddenly the door opened and her mother looked into the room. "What's going on here?", She wanted to know. She sounded annoyed. "Can't you be quieter? Your father is sleeping." "Is he ill?" Caro asked anxiously. Meg smiled. "No, just tired. Now clean up and be good." She closed the door behind her.   
"And what is a liaison officer?" Caro asked. Rob rubbed his thumb over his brow. "Well, he ... um ... he's kind of making the connection between Canada and the United States, I think." Caro frowned. "Like the operator on the phone when Dad calls Uncle Buck?" Robert laughed. "No, silly! In the police work. Dad is working with Uncle Ray." "Then he's a real cop!" "I say yes." "Good. Then he was shot by a gangster.” “I assume."  
When the kids came downstairs, their mom was sitting at the kitchen table. Lost in thought, she stared into her coffee cup. Lincoln lay under the table and snored. Robert asked softly, "Mom? Everything okay? "She looked up at him and noticed again how similar the boy saw his father. He was a smaller 1:1 edition of Ben. She smiled at him. "Yes everything is okay. I was just thinking." "About what?" Caroline asked. "About whether you got along again." Caro grinned. “We did, right, Rob?" She punched her brother lightly. He nodded, but didn't believe his mother. Something was wrong.  
"Go, wake up your father, Caroline, and ask him if he wants to go sledding," Meg said. When the girl disappeared, Robert sat down with his mother at the table and asked, "What's up, Mom?" "Nothing, son.", she answered and smiled. "Mom!", The boy said reproachfully, "We’re not allowed to lie, then you can't do it either." Meg sighed. "You have the sharp mountie mind of your father. You are just like him. Not only externally. Maybe that's why she ..." She abruptly broke off the sentence. Robert frowned, rubbing his brow. Meg smiled. Ben's gesture. Dot had already done that as a baby. "Who?" The child asked. "Oh nothing. Forget it." "Mom!" "Listen, Robert. Your dad and I have to talk to you tonight." Rob nodded. "Well. Is it something bad?" She got up and stroked his dark curls. "No, little dot," she said tenderly, "not any more." The boy bit his lower lip. 'Because SHE, whoever that was, is dead,' he thought.

Caroline came into the living room where her dad was lying on the couch and snoring softly. His bad leg rested on a pile of pillows. The girl went to him and kissed him on the tip of his nose. He growled, rubbed his hand over his face and mumbled something incomprehensible. Then he turned his head to one side and sighed. Caroline giggled. "Daddy ..." she whispered and stroked his hair lovingly from his forehead. He felt very warm, which surprised her. "Daddy.", She repeated, flattering. He groaned. "Meg, leave me alone, I'm tired," he mumbled. Now she laughed. "It's me, Dad," she said a little louder.  
Ben opened his eyes and smiled at her. "Hi, princess," he said tenderly. Caroline climbed onto the couch and cuddled up to him. "You are so nice and warm," she said. He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Is everything okay, princess?" He asked. "Yes," the child replied, "Mom tells me to wake you up and ask you if you want to go sledding with us, but if you are too tired ..." Ben leaned on one elbow and looked at his daughter. "Of course I'll go sledding with you," he said firmly. "Oh, good," Caroline said happily. Ben sat up slowly and stifled a moan. His leg bothered him. He also had back pain, which surprised him. It had been months since he last had a backache. He felt sick and knew he had a fever. But he didn't want to miss the afternoon with his family at any cost.  
Caroline looked at him with Meg's eyes and asked, “You okay, Dad?" He had to smile. His little dragon lady! She didn't miss anything, even though she was only eight years old. "Yes, give me five minutes, okay?" He replied, "Go tell your mom, I'm about to go." The kid hopped off the couch and headed for the door. "Love you, Daddy!" She called. "Me too, princess!" He shouted back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fraser family had a great day in the snow...

The entire Fraser family was going for a sled ride. There was a nearby park where toboggan runs were available. Since it was Sunday afternoon, quite a few families were there. Dot grimaced. "Too many people here," he groaned, "Dad, don't we want to go home to our cabin again? You've been wanting to show me how to steer a dog sled for a long time. And I'm almost eleven!" He sounded reproachful. Meg saw the pain in Ben's eyes again. She knew he wanted nothing better than to return home with his family, but that was not so easy. They had their jobs here, the kids went to school and then there was the house.  
All her friends lived here, especially the Vecchios. But most importantly, Ben could get regular medical attention here. That was not possible if they lived in the cabin. And when it was snowing, he had difficulty walking. She was sorry.  
"Robert, take your sister and find a good sledding place, okay?" She said. The boy instinctively knew that he had said something wrong. He, too, had noticed the expression in his father's face. He was sorry, but he wanted nothing more than to go there. "Sorry, dad," he mumbled. Ben smiled. "It's okay, son." The boy picked up his sled and shouted, "Come on, Caro! Let us fight for a place in the crowd!" Then he ran off, his sister and Lincoln in tow. Ben laughed. This child could also exaggerate. So much "noise" wasn't here either. "He has your genes," Meg said, taking Ben's hand. Slowly they followed the children .

The children raced down down the sledding slope. "Watch out!" A taller boy snapped as they almost run him over. "Sorry," Robert said politely, but Caroline stuck her tongue out to the boy. "Caro!" Robert shouted reproachfully, "That's rude. The boy is right, we should have taken better care." The strange boy stared at Robert as if he had come from Mars. Then he turned to Caroline and asked, "Does he have any quirks or anything?" Caroline sighed theatrically. "Nah, he's Canadian." Compassionate, the boy nodded and went his way. "You're Canadian, too," Robert said to his sister. She grinned. "That's right, but not everyone needs to know that." Rob was outraged. "Are you ashamed of it?" "Oh, Rob!", She sighed and explained smartly: "Of course not, you idiot. But I live in Chicago and I have to adapt so I'm not laughed at. Her brother shook his head blankly. "Well, I'm proud of that," he said. Laughing, she punched him in the arm. "You're just like Dad!" "And what's wrong with that?" He asked. "Nothing! Come on, let's have fun." They ran up the hill.

Meg and Ben stood on top of the hillside watching their children. "Well, your daughter is still bringing me to the grave.", moaned Meg, who had heard the conversation between the children. Ben laughed. "My daughter? Meg, have you ever noticed that they are a smaller version of us?" Meg stared at him. "Oh, my God!", she said, "You're right, that can't turn out well." Ben grinned crookedly, pulled his wife close and kissed her. Then he put his forehead against hers and tenderly said, “It will. It works for us too."  
Meg looked at him worriedly, took off her glove and put her hand on his forehead. "Do you have a fever, Ben?" She asked. "You're hot." He grinned. "You know what I mean," she said quickly. "Meg, Meg, Meg ..." he said, shaking his head. "I'm just warm from the climb here. Even if it's winter, these are not the temperatures I'm used to. "Meg looked him in the eye and said, "Benton Fraser! You live here for how long? Thirteen years? And you’re still not used to it?"

The kids came to them and Caro called, "Come on, Mom! Dad! Let's race!" She handed her dad the pulling leash of her sled. "Oh, I don't know ..." Meg said uncertainly, "You know, Daddy's leg.“ "Hey!" Ben called with mock indignation, "Just because I'm a cripple doesn't mean that I can't have fun!" The kids yelled. "Any rules?" Ben asked. "No!", exclaimed Robert, "Go on three!" "Meg, sit on the sled." Ben said. She was still skeptical. "Come on, Mom!" Caro shouted. Hesitantly, her mother sat down on the sledge. "Wait," she said. "There is one rule. No one gets hurt." "Agreed!" Robert shouted, sitting down behind his sister and yelling, "One! Two! Three!“ Then he kicked off his feet.  
Ben grabbed the back spars of the sled that Meg was sitting on and started. Despite his sick leg, he made really fast pace and then jumped up. Meg screamed in shock, but then she really enjoyed the fast ride. They raced past their children so fast they thought they were standing.  
"Ben!" Meg exclaimed, laughing. He held her and steered the sledge with his feet. Caroline screamed in frustration as her parents whizzed by. "Robert! Faster!" But they had no chance.  
Meg and Ben arrived at the bottom, but they had so much speedl that they couldn't stop. They set off for a group of trees. "Fraser!" Meg screamed and heard her husband bring out a horrified "Oh dear!" behind her. Then he shouted: “Attention!" and tore the sledge around. The sled tipped sideways and they flew into the snow. Lincoln, who had raced after, ran around them, barking. Now the children arrived at the bottom. "That was sooooo cool!" Caroline shouted enthusiastically. "I want to race with you, Dad!" Meg had got up and brushed the snow off her clothes. "Benton Fraser!" She exclaimed indignantly, "Did you want to kill us?!" Ben sat in the snow, staring at her with his blue Mountie gaze. Then he grinned widely.  
The children and the dog jumped around them noisily. Other children, including the boy from earlier, had watched the spectacle and cheered. The strange boy slapped Robert admiringly on the shoulder and said approvingly: "So, one must let you Canadians, as far as winter sports, you just have it!" Ben grinned. Then he heard Meg say, "Ben? You're bleeding." "What?", he was confused. Meg pointed to his nose. He wiped it with his glove and looked at the blood in disbelief. Then he remembered that he had crashed his nose against Meg's back when he had done the braking maneuver. He got up, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and wiped the blood off. "Not bad," he said. Meg smiled at him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright. Caro hung on his arm and begged, "Please, Dad! I want to do that too! Please, please, please!"  
But Meg gave him the Inspector-Thatcher look and said, “Dare you, Mountie!" Caroline complained, "You're a spoilsport, Mom!" Ben shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry, Princess." Caro pouted. Ben put his arm around her shoulders and leaned down to whisper something in her ear. A grin crossed her face. "Three," Ben whispered. "One ... two ... three!" Then father and daughter grabbed into the snow incredibly fast, formed snowballs and fired at Meg. "Let's go!" Robert shouted, nudging the boy he had just talked to, "Let's defend them." And when a few children and parents accidentally were hit by some snowballs, suddenly one of the biggest snowball fights was in progress Chicago had ever seen.

As one of the icy bullets crashed down on Meg's face, Ben responded with lightning speed, leapt against her and threw her into the snow. The ball slammed against his ear, making it ring. He landed on Meg and they stayed in the snow. ben looked at her with his big blue Mountie eyes and smiled. Meg's hair was damp, her cheeks flushed, and her coffee-colored eyes were bright. She was so incredibly sexy that he immediately felt like it. "Oh dear ...", he sighed. Meg laughed. ben said tenderly, "I love you, Meg Fraser.", and bent down to kiss.

At that moment, both of them were showered with snow and someone shouted, "Hey, you two, take a room!" Luckily it was not one of their children and they were very happy about that.  
Ben got up, helped Meg to her feet and shook the snow out of his collar. Then he helped Meg free herself from the snow and whispered in her ear, "I think I need a hot bath tonight, and you certainly do either. And to save water, we can go into the tub together. I miss you." She grinned and whispered back: "Why not, my horny Mountie ..."

On the way home, the entire Fraser family was frozen through, wet and happy. The children were running ahead with their sleds and Lincoln. Caroline shouted, "Mommy! When we get home, are you making hot chocolate for us? With marshmallows?" "Good idea." Meg replied. "Cool! Go, hurry!" Caro shouted. "Caro!" Her brother warned, "You know Dad can't walk that fast." Meg looked at her husband. He was limping more than usual, but attributing it to the romp around in the snow. She hooked up with him." That was a beautiful day, Ben." He nodded. "Yes it waswas. I haven't had that much fun for a long time." Meg laughed. "You big kid."

The sun was slowly setting and everywhere the Christmas lights were on. "It's almost Christmas," Ben said dreamily, "and I'll spend another Christmas with my family." Meg looked at him. His words hit her in the heart. When he was a kid, he hadn't had such a nice Christmas. Now he caught up with everything and wondered year after year that he could spend the feast with his own family. That was always something special for him. Meg loved him for that. She stopped and took his face in her hands. "Kiss me, Ben.“ He did. Caroline exclaimed, "Take a room!" Outraged, the rest of her family chanted, "Caroline!" But then Meg laughed and said, "What for? We have a whole house."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tells his children the story of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story Ben tells his kids, where his son was kidnapped by Victoria is also already written. I just work on the German version. It's called “Schatten der Vergangenheit“ what means “Shadows from the past“.  
> There will be an English translation as well. Later.

Meg stood in the kitchen, making hot chocolate for everyone. Robert helped her. Ben had heated the fireplace and then lay down on the couch. His leg made him problems again. Caro took care of Lincoln. She rubbed his coat dry, fed and watered him. And she talked to him. "Hey, Lincoln," she said, "Another week of school, then the Christmas holidays begin. School is boring, but Daddy says education is important. Well, he's right. Daddy is very smart. I think he knows everything." "Woo!", the dog barked. "All right," the girl admitted, "but he knows so much. I also want to know as much as Dad, but I have to study and I hate it.“  
She put her arm around the dog and whispered in his ear, "You know, sometimes I envy Rob. He is always reading some books or searching the Internet for any scientific stuff. I think he likes to learn and get smart as Dad. But I find that hard. I can't always conci … con ... concitrate or what’s called and then I prefer to draw something. Funny, isn't it? Daddy says I have Mommy’s painting skills. She also painted earlier. Then he showed me a picture that Mommy gave him for Christmas. We weren’t born then yet. In the picture is Daddy's cabin. In Winter. And on the porch is my daddy with your dad, Diefenbaker. You know, once I got there after your dad died. But I was only three and can barely remember. Rob has been there twice, but he can't remember the first time either, when he was almost a baby. I want to go there so much. Dad has a photo album with photos of the cabin and everything around that we sometimes look at. Mom did it for him before he went to the hospital. For a long time. Many, many weeks. You weren’t born then yet. Dad had a bullet in his back. From a pistol. Brr ... I can't think about it. If I catch the one who did that! He would have to go to jail forever or immediately to the electric chair. But the doctors in Toronto got the bullet out. That's why Dad has a bad leg now, but he says it doesn't matter, the main thing is that he lives. I don't quite understand that, he lived before that too. The bullet was in his back for a long time. Well, maybe it always hurt him? I would like to ask him, but he doesn't want to talk about it, I know that. Mom always says, ask daddy. Sometimes I think she doesn't know anything about it either. When I look at the photo album with Daddy, he always gets sad. I think he’s homesick. But he can't go back because the cabin is far out in the wilderness and there is not even a road. And no doctor. Daddy always has to go to the doctor.  
Do you know what, Lincoln? I don't think there really is a Santa Claus, I just do it because Mommy and Daddy are happy. But if he does exist, I wish that daddy's leg gets well again and that we can get to his cabin, so he will not feel homesick anymore.“

Meg and Robert brought the cups of hot chocolate into the living room. Ben lay on the sofa, with his eyes closed. "Are you asleep?" Meg asked as she put down the cups. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "No."  
Robert looked at his mother and said in a serious tone: "Maybe we should have used painkillers instead of marshmallows on Daddy's chocolate?" Meg chuckled. "Robert!" Ben said indignantly, then looked at his wife and said, "This kid has your sense of humour, Margaret. She laughed and kissed his forehead. Then she said to Robert, "Go, get your sister." The boy disappeared.  
Meg sat down with her husband. "You realize you have a fever, Benton Fraser?" He grinned crookedly. "It was just a busy day." She shook her head. "You go to the doctor tomorrow." He pulled her close, kissed her hair and said softly, "That's absolutely not necessary, dearest Meg. I will be fine again tomorrow and there is so much to do at the consulate. In a week is the Christmas ball and ... " She put her finger over his mouth. "Keep your mouth shut! You go to the doctor. End of the announcement!" Before he could argue, the children came into the living room.  
Meg and Ben were sitting on the couch while the kids and Lincoln had made themselves comfortable on the bearskin in front of the fireplace. Caroline wanted to turn on the TV, but Ben said, "Let it be, Princess. We have to talk to you both." Meg looked at him. Grinning, he rubbed his ear and corrected: "I have to talk to you." With big eyes, like deer in the headlight, the children stared at their father. "Oh dear!" Robert sighed. Ben laughed. "No, don't worry. You didn't anything wrong. This time." "Dad!", exclaimed Caroline indignantly.  
Ben didn't feel well in his skin. Where should he start? But his children had a right to know what happened then. Meg took his hand and squeezed it lightly. 'Don’t worry, I'm here for you', was it supposed to mean.  
Robert said softly, "It's about the bullet you had in the back, right, Dad? And why we can't leave the property alone. It's somehow related, isn't it?"  
Meg and Ben looked at each other in surprise. Smart guy, their son. Ben replied smiling, "Yeah, kinda, Little Dot." Not even Caroline teased her brother when Ben used his nickname.

"So," Ben began, rubbing his brow, "many years ago, more than twenty now, I was just finished training and still based in Canada, I was assigned a case I didn't even suspect that it would change my whole life forever.  
I was looking for a woman who, along with two men, had robbed a bank in Whitehorse. One of the men was killed, the other arrested. The woman, however, Victoria Metcalf was her name, escaped. Somehow she found a pilot who was ready to fly her out. But they got into a blizzard and had to make an emergency landing. The pilot abandoned her and so she was left to herself. She was still very young. Only nineteen years old.  
It was my first big case. Alone. Your grandfather should be proud of me. I followed her to the Fortitude Pass. I'll show you where that is later on the map. The snowstorm was already pretty strong, but that didn't really bother me. As you know, I grew up there and was used to such extreme weather conditions. In the hollow of a slope I found her. Half frozen. On the way through the storm I had lost my backpack with all my supplies. That was bad, but I had found HER. From a few sticks and my coat, I built a kind of shelter. Victoria and I kept each other alive. The storm lasted two days, then it eased up. We survived. We searched and found my backpack and ate all supplies at once. That wasn't very wise, but we were terribly hungry.  
The following night we spent in an outpost and I realized that I had made a fatal mistake. I fell in love with her. Yes, kids, your flagship mountie dad had fallen in love with a bank robber. Of course, I wasn't a dad at the time. I was almost a child myself. Only twenty-three. Although as an orphan you have to grow up early, but that's another story. At the time I thought, I knew everything, but I knew nothing about love. Nothing at all. It was only years later that I had to experience it painfully and learn when I met your mother. But that too is another story. Anyway, the following day we reached the next town, Victoria and I.  
And then she asked me to let her go, but I couldn't. Nobody knew that I found them and I could just let her go. But I considered it my duty to hand her over to the authorities. I loved her, no doubt, and maybe she loved me too, but I arrested her. She got ten years at the end. That's a long time when you're locked up.  
Many years later, I was here by now, in Chicago, and friends with your uncle Ray, when I met her again. At first I thought that was a coincidence and we would have got a second chance, but she had been looking for me to take revenge on me. However, I didn't know that then, I didn't want to know. Only then did I realize that I had been waiting for her all these years. I just always loved her, all the time. But she was having a bad game with me. Her accomplice from the bank robbery had escaped from prison and wanted the money. That wasn't found at the time. She had burned down my cabin and hidden some of the money under the floorboards. It should look like I have something to do with the bank robbery. She stole my weapon, which I always keep locked up, and used it to shoot her accomplice. It should fall back on me. I was arrested for murder suspicion. Ray mortgaged his house to pay the bail for me. Victoria forced me to exchange the stolen money, which was registered, in a diamond counter. If I had refused, she would have reported Ray to the police control authority, called Internal Affairs. These are people who take care that no policeman becomes criminal.  
She had hidden in his house the key to a locker containing a suitcase containing the stolen money. It should look like Ray is involved in this story as well. I knew, of course, that she would call the IA anyway. I looked for the key in Ray's house. Luckily, his entire family was in Florida, with relatives. At least they were safe.  
Ray had long since figured out that Victoria was playing a bad game, only I didn't want to admit it. While I was looking for the key, I ravaged the whole house. I didn't have time to be careful. I was sorry, but I had no choice. I decided to fix it before Ray's family came back. I had no idea that I should never get the chance. After I had the diamonds, the handler had noticed that the bills were registered and didn't want to give me the diamonds, I was able to escape. Victoria waited for me in the car and when she told me to put the diamonds in her handbag, I had the opportunity to exchange the keys for the locker. She had a second travelling bag with her personal belongings. She told me to come with her, but I told her that I couldn't.

But actually, deep in my heart, I had it in mind. She had shot Dief and told us it was her accomplice who had been after her. Dief was in the veterinary clinic and I left a letter for Ray there. It said that I wanted to go with her because I loved her and asked him to take care of Dief.  
I wanted to abandon everyone, Ray, Dief and everyone else I'd ever meant anything to. Then I realized that I couldn't. She aimed at me with Ray's spare weapon, which she had stolen when he offered her to Francesca's room, so that she was safe from her accomplice. She lied to us from the beginning. But apparently she couldn't shoot me and threw me out of the car.  
But I had seen the tickets in her purse and knew she was going to the train station. I ran like hell. Yes, back then I still could and when I arrived at the station, Ray and his colleagues were already there. Victoria had opened the wrong locker because I had exchanged the keys. Someone had helped her, because the lock didn't work. When she realized her mistake, she pulled the gun and the man dropped the suitcase in shock. It fell open and the money fell out. Victoria shot randomly around the area and ran away. Fortunately nobody was hurt. I caught up with her on the platform. When I stopped her, her bag fell to the ground and the diamonds spread across the platform. She told me to pick them up and aimed the gun at me, but I refused and took the gun from her. She said I had to shoot her or get on the train.  
The train rolled slowly. I couldn't shoot at her any more than she could at me. I suddenly realized painfully that I loved her in spite of everything and that I would be alone again if she got on the train and drove off. She jumped on the train and called me to come with her. She had the most beautiful voice I had ever heard.  
I saw Ray and the others come to the platform and knew, now or never! Before my mind had a chance, my heart set my legs in motion and I ran. Raced after the train, ran after a love that had never been one. I ran faster and faster. Without the slightest idea that it was the last time I could run that fast. Victoria had reached out to me and smiled. I heard Ray say she had a gun, but that wasn't true. I took it from her. For a second, I looked over at him. There he stood, weapon in hand. A picture book cop. That's how I wanted to remember him.

Then I jumped on the train. Victoria held me tight and smiled happily. I smiled back. Everything was fine now. I was with her. She really loved me ...  
But our luck lasted only a fraction of a second.

At first I felt a thump in my back, then I heard the shot. It was strange. I fell. I fell and fell and saw only Victoria's appalled face. I got hot. My back was burning. Some warm liquid spread under me as I lay on the platform.  
Suddenly Ray and the others were there. Ray looked horrified, but I whispered to him that I should be with her.  
Then I remembered the poem that Victoria had said in the blizzard, time after time to keep us from falling asleep and freezing. I saw my father, who was long dead. He leaned over me and just nodded. I recited the poem and knew it was over. That's it. And it was okay ... "

Ben paused in his story and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Meg had tears in her eyes.  
Caroline was the first to find her voice and asked, "Uncle Ray was it? He shot you?" Ben nodded. "Yes, but it wasn't his intention.“ "Damn!", cried the girl, she had still a few minutes ago the shooter the electric chair desired. "Caroline!" Meg reminded her. "Sorry," the child mumbled. "How did it continue?" Robert wanted to know .

Ben cleared his throat, then continued, "Well, as you know, I survived." He laughed. "But it was close. They couldn't remove the bullet and it wasn't clear if I could ever walk again. I was in the hospital for a long time. Uncle Ray visited me almost every day and tried to cheer me up. He also felt guilty. Me too. After all, I had risked his existence and he and his family had become almost homeless because of me. But Ray forgave me ... and I forgave him too. But he's always over-caring since then. And he blames himself to this day, if ... well, he sometimes looks at me so pitifully when he sees me limping. He thinks I can't handle it. Well, anyway, I got well again.  
Then I met your mom. When I was allowed to work after months and came to the consulate for the first time after my ... accident, she was my new supervisor. That's what she let me feel right away."  
He laughed again and Meg thrust her elbow into his ribs. "But I loved her." Ben continued. "From the beginning. It took almost two years before we finally managed to confess our love. We were in survival training in Canada and I got very sick. A serious infection triggered by the bullet. Although I was well again, but had problems and often had to go to the hospital. But your mom still loved me and was always at my side and when I asked her if she wanted to marry the invalid Mountie, she said ... no."  
The children stared in horror at their parents and Meg giggled.

"But since I'm known to be extremely stubborn, ask your uncle Ray, and never give up, I asked her again. This time she said yes. Shortly afterwards we got married.  
Well, everything went very well, until I fell off the apple tree at the Vecchios. Ray's nephews had hit their ball up and Uncle Benny, the supermountie, wanted to play the hero. Well, in the fall, the bullet shifted. At first I didn't want to admit it, but had more and more motor failures in the right arm and leg. Your mom noticed, but I could calm her for the time being. But at some point it became so bad that I couldn't ignore it and went to the doctor.  
Well, they said the bullet would have to go out if I wanted to survive. However, there was a risk that I would most likely end up in a wheelchair. I didn't want that, but your mom convinced me that it would be better to live with a disability than that our child was a half orphan. Yes, Dot, there you were already on the way. I really wanted to be a daddy and let me operate. In Toronto. I had a very good medical team that did everything to make me healthy again. The operation damaged a spinal nerve, so my leg is crippled, but that's not so bad. Main thing, I got well. It took forever. I had to fight for almost half a year. first in a wheelchair, later on crutches and then with the help of a cane, which I still need sometimes, as you know. We bought this house and were happy. You had a lot of room to play, Little Dot.  
But one day, when you were fifteen months old, the past was cruelly brought back to me.  
I was at the consulate. Your Mom and Ma Vecchio were in the garden here. You, Dot, played with Dief. Then you were gone. Dief was dazed on the grass. Ma Vecchio called Ray and then me. We came as fast as we could. No trace of you. Your mom almost went crazy. Ray and I were feverishly looking for you.  
Then I got a message from Victoria. She had kidnapped you. She wanted me. Well, actually she wanted us both. She said if I tell your mother something, she would kill you. My God, you were still a baby! She stayed in my old apartment. There I found her. nobody knew about it, not even Ray. I didn't want anything to happen to you. She drugged me and made me believe I was very ill and she was my wife and you were our child together. But I really couldn't believe it. I always dreamed of your mom and our house. At this time Caroline was already on the way. We had just learned it. I can remember almost nothing.  
When I was reasonably clear for the first time, I was in the hospital and your mom was with me. At first, I didn't know why my boss was sitting at my bed all the time, but at some point she convinced me that she was my wife. I asked for you, Dot and your mom said, you're fine. You were unhurt and at the Vecchios.  
Nobody wanted to tell me what was going on with Victoria. It was not until I felt better and was released that I learned she was in the same hospital. She had an inoperable brain tumor and was in a coma.  
She died in my arms.

When she was buried, I bought a tombstone for her. That's it then. Since then, I have never been to her grave again.  
Your mom supported me wherever she could and I'm grateful for that today. She accepted every one of my decisions and I didn't make it easy for her. At the latest from that time, I knew that she loved me unconditionally.  
I only could handle it emotionally when Caroline was born. But I think I'm still a bit paranoid. I'm afraid to take my eyes off you. I love you both too much for me to let anything happen to you. So I don't want you to leave the property without telling me. I'm sorry. Well, that's the whole story.“

Ben leaned back, exhausted. Caroline came to him and climbed on his lap. She put her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss. "Love you, Daddy," she whispered, then looked at her brother and said, "You were kidnapped, Rob. Cool!" Meg gave her a look. "Caroline that's not cool, that's awful! "  
Robert didn't say anything. He got up and left the room. “Dot!", Ben called him. He pushed his daughter aside and wanted to get up, but Meg held him tight. "Let him go, Ben. He has to think about it first. He is like you." Yes, Meg was right. he would talk to his son later.

Caroline babbled and asked questions, but Ben had no strength to answer. Meg said to her daughter, "Leave Daddy alone for a while, Caro. If you have questions, I will answer them." The child agreed. Ben got up and said, "I'll go out with Lincoln again." Meg nodded. She knew he needed time for himself now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes care of his children after telling them his story. Meg and Ben spend a night together with little sleep and Caroline gets violent scolding from her mother.

It was late when Ben came back. Meg and the kids had already eaten supper. "Hi," Ben said quietly as he walked into the kitchen, where Meg was just cleaning the dishwasher. She looked at him. "Everything okay, Ben?" She sounded worried somehow. He smiled and gave her a quick kiss. "Yes, where are the children?" "I sent them to bed, tomorrow they've school. Caro asked for you." "And Dot?" Meg sighed. "He didn't talk much. Maybe it was too early to tell the kids, Ben? Maybe they’re still too young?" “I say Caro 'Good night' and then I talk to our son." "Okay." Meg smiled at him.  
Ben knocked on Robert's door. When no answer came, he opened it softly and asked: “Dot? Are you sleeping?" The room was dark. The blinds were lowered and the boy lay in bed. Lincoln, following Ben, jumped on the bed and nudged the child. Ben left him. "Can I talk to you?" He asked softly. Robert sobbed. Ben sat down to him and began to stroke him. "Shh ... it's okay, son. All is good.", he affectionately said.  
"Why didn't you tell me that earlier, dad?" The boy whispered in a tear-stained voice. "Oh, little dot. You were still so young and I don't know if it's not still too early." "You should have told me. Much sooner." Ben went to his son and hugged him. "I'm sorry, Dot," he whispered, "I'm sorry you had to go through this just because I'm weak."  
Abruptly, the boy turned around and stared at his father in the dark. "Dad!" He said in alarm, "It wasn't your fault!" "Was not it?" Ben asked flatly. "No!" Protested the child, "It was her fault. But now she is dead and we are a family. "Yes, we are, dot and I love you. I already loved you when you were a tiny dot in the belly of your mommy. A few weeks old. You know, I didn't want to have the surgery done. I wanted to die rather than sit in a wheelchair. Your mom had a hard time with me then. She tried to persuade me to the operation so you have a daddy. But I was selfish, I thought you'd rather not have a father than a crippled one. Then your mom took me to one of her exams. The doctor made an ultrasound and I saw you for the first time. I heard your tiny heart beating and had tears in my eyes. Mom laughed and said you were just a tiny dot. I replied, yes, but my tiny dot. My tiny, beloved little dot. And you convinced me to have the operation. You should have a dad and I have a family. That's what I always wanted. You and Caroline, you are the best I have ever got, and I don't want anything happens to you. Can you understand this?"  
"Yes, Daddy." Robert whispered, "I love you. Can you please stay with me until I fall asleep?" "Of course, son." Ben took him in his arms and held him tight.

Meg was done in the kitchen. She wondered where Ben was, all he wanted to do was say good night to the kids. Now he was up nearly an hour. Okay, he wanted to talk to Robert again about this afternoon, but now it was late for the kids. They had to sleep, they had school tomorrow. After watching TV with Lincoln for a while, she decided to see where Ben was. He could continue talking to his son tomorrow.  
She quietly opened the door to Robert's room. In the diffused light that fell from the hall into the room, she saw father and son lying in bed. Ben held the boy in his arms and snored softly. Meg smiled lovingly. Robert had stopped cuddling with his parents some time ago. After all, he was almost eleven and a big boy. But apparently not big enough. She was a little worried because the boy was growing up too fast when the monsters were no longer living under the bed and he didn't know how to deal with the new monsters. But Ben and she would be there for him when the time came.

"Just don't grow up too fast, Robert Fraser Jr.", she whispered, then quietly closed the door and went down into the living room. Lincoln raised his head and looked questioningly at her. At that moment he looked very much like his father Dief. Meg sat down on the sofa and said, "Come on, Lincoln. It looks like we're both going to spend the evening alone today." The dog jumped on the couch and put his head in her lap. Absently, she petted him. She missed Ben. Since the children were there, they haven't had much time for each other. And in the last few weeks they had been pretty busy. She wished to spend another romantic evening together with her husband. But that was probably the case if you had children.  
Well, she could have woken Ben, but Robert seemed to need him. He also seemed to need sleep, because he didn't feel well today. He wouldn't spend the whole night with his son in the tight bed anyway, his back would wake him up.

Meg woke up as Ben climbed into bed with her. "Ben?" She mumbled sleepily. "Shh." He said, "Sleep." She cuddled up to him. "Is Dot okay?" "Yes," he replied, "He is already quite grown for his age. He shouldn't be." She chuckled. "He's like you.“ "Yeah," Ben said, "but that's not good, I had to grow up early." "I know, darling." She kissed his forehead. "You're still hot," she said, laughing. "Well, I hope so, even if that didn't worked out with the tub today." "Benton!", She exclaimed with mock indignation, "I mean, you have a fever." He hugged her and said: “"At the most a bit elevated temperature, but since we are awake ..." "Ben!" "Oh, Meg. I miss you." He began to caress her and she was unable to say no.

The alarm sounded. Groaning, Meg groped for it and switched it off. Ben beside her moved and turned to the side. She kissed him on the shoulder and smiled. He had kept her awake half the night, and at least as tired as she was. But whatever? They had to get up. The children had to go to school and they had to work. Actually, she wanted to send Ben to the doctor, he had obviously had fever yesterday, but after last night ...? Oh, how she had missed him. His caresses, touches and sex with him. And he had been hungry last night. Hungry for her. Smiling, she stood up. Let him sleep for a few more minutes.  
When Ben woke up, there was a smell of coffee, pancakes and eggs with bacon. His stomach growled, reminding him that yesterday evening he had no supper. He heard Meg and the kids in the kitchen talking and laughing.

My family, he thought. After all these years it was still something special for him to have a family. He smiled happily, stretched and got up. After a quick check, he realized that he was completely okay. No fever, no pain. It would be a good day.

"Good morning, family." Ben said as he came into the kitchen, already showered and in his brown uniform. Well, still without the jacket and with a half-open shirt and a loose tie around the neck. The sleeves rolled up to the elbow. His hair was neatly combed, as always, but still a little wet from the shower, which made it curl slightly. His blue eyes shone.  
"Good morning, Dad!" The children shouted and Meg said, "Good morning, my beautiful Mountie." Caroline grimaced. Ben gave Meg a kiss. "How are you?" She asked, but when she looked at him, she knew the answer. "Very good," he said, pulling her close and whispering in her ear, "Thanks to your healing powers last night." Meg blushed and pushed him away. "Benton!" She said with mock indignation and bit her lower lip. Caro watched her parents over the rim of her cup and said smartly, "Look, Rob, Mommy blushes. Daddy sure told her something with love and so on." Robert blushed too and said nothing. Sometimes he simply didn't understand his little sister. Meg said sternly, "Caroline Margaret Fraser!" Rob grinned. "Sorry," murmured the eight-years-old. If Mom called her by the full name, she must have done something wrong.  
Ben sat down at the table and Meg put down a cup of tea and a plate of pancakes. She knew Ben loved pancakes for breakfast. Caroline rested her head on his arm and said, flattering, "Daddy? Talking about love isn't bad, is it? With a sideways glance at Meg, she clung to her father. She knew exactly how she could wrap him around the finger.  
He stroked her hair. "No, Princess, that's not it. But I think you're a little too young for that."  
The girl raised her eyebrows and looked at her father blankly. Her coffee-brown eyes sparkled. She gave him the Thatcher look, as Ben called it. "You're never too young for love, Dad!" Indignation sounded in her voice. "For example, I love you, Mommy, Lincoln, and even Rob." Then she took a deep breath and blurted, "Only Uncle Ray, I don't love anymore. He shot you and now you always have back pain and a bad leg and can't ski with us.“  
Ben stared at her in horror. Even Meg, who just wanted to pour a cup of coffee, froze in the movement and looked at her daughter.  
Only Robert groaned and said angrily, "You're such a baby, Caro."  
He got up, put his dishes in the sink, and said, "I'll be back from school later today. We have choir rehearsal." Then he left the kitchen. Meg was proud that her son inherited the voice from his father and sang in the school choir. They rehearsed for the Christmas performance today. She broke away from her rigidity and said to Ben, "I think there's a father who needs to talk a serious word to his daughter." Ben took a deep breath and said, "Listen, Caroline.“  
Oh, Caroline! Not princess? Okay, then it was really serious. She looked at her dad and nodded.  
Ben said, "That Uncle Ray shot me was a regrettable accident, nothing more. He didn't do it on purpose, you understand? Besides, that's twelve years ago. I would like to ask you to curb your sometimes loose mouth and to mention nothing to the Vecchios, especially Ray. Uncle Ray is reproaching himself to this day. Can you stick to it?"  
"He should reproach himself!", the child revolted. Meg suddenly hit the table with the palm of her hand, causing father and daughter to flinch. Even Lincoln, lying on his blanket under the window, startled.  
"Caroline Fraser!" Meg snapped, "I wonder where the problem is! Your dad has asked you for something and you're going to stick to it!“  
"Meg ...", Ben tried to turn in, but she glared at him with the same look as before his daughter. "You stay out of there, Mister!" She said harshly, then turned back to her daughter: "Did you finally understand that, Miss? If you make even a peep to Vecchios, Christmas will be over for you and you'll be grounded until you grow up, okay?" Caroline rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ma'am." "Stop that, Miss! Now get out and get ready for school.“ Wordlessly the girl got up and left the kitchen.  
"What did we do wrong with her?" Meg sighed and dropped into a chair. Ben grinned. "What are you grinning, Fraser?" She snapped. His grin widened. "She has your temper," he said. "Oh, my God!" Meg groaned. Ben got up and kissed his wife's hair. "But that's exactly why I love you both." He said, still grinning and went to get his uniform jacket.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben decided to tell Ray what his daughter had said in the morning because he doesn't think that she'll stick to the rule not telling the Vecchios. Especially Ray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a rather short chapter but I hope you don't mind. At least I'm able to post one chapter a day.   
> There's still the offer, to show me glitches or grammar mistakes and other things they may be “wrong“ or at least irritating.
> 
> TYK

Meg had her hands full at the consulate and preparations for the Christmas ball were in full swing. But she had a decent support in Ben. She was glad that he was feeling better this morning and that he didn't have to go to the doctor.  
Ben sat at his desk. He had just done the first part of his job and looked at the clock. It had taken three hours and now it was time for a break. His back ached and his leg was stiff. Okay, he had to move for a bit so that Meg couldn't say again that he couldn't take care of himself. Slowly he got up, stretched and limped to the window.   
He opened it and sucked the cold winter air deep into his lungs. Chicago winter air. Not much longer until Christmas and he longed for his cabin. How would he like to spend the Christmas holidays there? But he knew that wouldn't be possible anymore. He had to think about his daughter and what she had said this morning. And he knew her loose mouth would eventually get him in trouble.  
Robert was very different. The boy wasn't yet eleven years old, but calm and prudent. He thought first before saying anything. But Caroline? She was just like her mother, a little dragon lady. Just Meg just didn't want to see that.  
He knew he had to warn Ray if he didn't want Caroline embarrassing them all.  
Sighing, he closed the window and went back to his desk. He sat down on the edge of the table, picked up the phone and dialed Ray's number.

"Vecchio.", he heard his friend answer. "Hi, Ray." Ben said. Ray was surprised. "Benny! Is something wrong?" Ben laughed. "No Ray, all it's good. Do you have a moment?" "Oh, Fraser!" Ray sighed theatrically.  
He knew his friend must have something important in his heart when he was like that. "Actually I'm busy," he answered. "Oh ..." Ben said, rubbing his brow with his thumb, "If that's the case ..." "Shut up, Benny." "I'm afraid that's not so easy." Ray groaned. "Okay, are you in the consulate?" "Yes, of course." "Good. I can take a break. I'll pick you up and we'll have breakfast, okay?" "Actually, I had breakfast already this morning, Ray." "Fraser!" "Okay."

Ben knocked on Meg's office door. "Yes!", he heard her call. He opened the door and poked his head through the gap. She looked up and smiled. Then she took off her reading glasses and said, "Ben! Come in." He grinned. Some habits never changed. "What's up?", she wanted to know. He suddenly looked disappointed. "Can't I just see my wife?" She got up from the desk, walked over and put her arms around his waist. He put his forehead against hers. "Did I told you today that I love you?" He asked. "Not explicitly." She smiled, "But you proved it to me last night."  
He blushed and she laughed. After all these years he was still blushing. "Give me a kiss, Corporal Fraser," she said. Three years ago he had finally been promoted, something she had had a significant role in as his superior. He took her in his arms and kissed her. Then he said softly, "Meg, I've been thinking about what Caroline said this morning. Well, you know how she is. At some point she’ll throw it at Ray's face. That's the way she is. And to counter this, I meet with Ray for breakfast and tell him. You know, he's good with kids, and he loves ours. Would you like to join us?" She looked him in the eyes. His blue eyes were dark and she was once again fascinated by how his eye color seemed to change, depending on the mood. "Is everything okay, Ben?" She asked and her voice sounded worried. He chuckled. "Yes of course. I just thought it's a good idea if ..." "Ben.", She interrupted him, "It's okay. Besides, you need a break anyway. Unfortunately I can't join you, I expect an important call from Ottawa." "Too bad.", he said. "Yes." Again she kissed him.

Ben watched Ray bite heartily into his sandwich. When he noticed, he stopped and looked at his friend. "What is it?" He asked, his mouth full. Ben grinned. “Is it tasty?" Ray put the sandwich back on the plate and took a sip of coffee. "Come on, Benny," he said. "Go ahead. Shoot." Ben frowned. Right, shoot ... where should he start? He cleared his throat and ran his finger into the collar of his uniform jacket. Ray frowned. He knew the embarrassing gestures of his friend. "All right, Fraser. He leaned back. "What's wrong?" Ben turned the teacup in his hands and stared into it, as if he could find the answer in the liquid. "Well ...", he began and cleared his throat again. "Um ... yes ... so ..." It was difficult to find the right words. How would Ray conceive it? Would he be angry? Ben knew that he never really got over it.  
"Fraser!" Ray shouted, "I don't have all day time." "Sorry, Ray," Ben said, and decided to just talk. He was able to deal with Ray's reaction later. "Well, Meg and I realized that ... yes ... our children have heard something from my past. They asked such strange questions.“  
Ray looked at him skeptically. "What kind of questions, Benny?" Ben replied, "That's not important now, Ray, what's important is that we, Meg and I, decided to tell them the story. Well, not in detail, but ... um ... they wanted to know what's wrong with my leg and why they can't leave the property without permission. I mean, they knew that her father had had a bullet in his back for years, which could later be removed. They also knew that surgery had damaged nerves and my leg was crippled, but they didn't know what had happened, I mean ..." "You mean they knew you were shot, but not by whom?" Ray interrupted. “Um Hmm." "God, Benny!" Ben shifted in his chair. This conversation didn't appeal to him. "We ... I told them the whole story. Last afternoon. How I met Victoria, how I met her again and she manipulated me. And just that ... that you were the bad luck shooter. But also that you didn't do it on purpose and it was good in the end. I told them that Victoria had reappeared, that she had kidnapped Dot and lured me to her. And that she was very ill and died. Ray, I think they have a right to know. I worried a bit about my son and how he would handle the abduction, but you know him. He seemed to put it away very well. But you also know Caroline and her Thatcher tongue.  
At breakfast this morning, she said she no longer loves Uncle Ray because he shot me and damaged my back and my leg. Meg was really angry. I told Caroline to never mention anything to you and your family, but I'm not sure she'll stick to it. So I thought I'd better tell you before it embarrasses all of us. I'm sorry, Ray."  
Ray stared at him for a few seconds. Then a grin spread on his face and in the end he had to laugh heartily. Ben was confused. "Ray ...," he said uncertainly. "Benny!" Ray cried laughing, "If that's all ...? My goodness! I thought otherwise! I thought you were seriously ill again or you want to divorce from Meg or else a disaster. Oh man! This little dragon lady!“ He was still laughing. "I thought that shocked you, Ray." Ben said softly, "I mean, because ... I know you're still reproaching yourself and ..." "Do you know what, Fraser?" Interrupted Ray, "If you will, I'll teach the Little Dragon Lady a lesson. Ben frowned and looked at him skeptically. "What are you going to do?" He asked. "Well, I'll come up with something," Ray replied with a grin, "You know, Little Ben is like you. That's right. Not only does he look as if he's cut from the same branch, he also has your character. I love this boy. But the little dragon lady is priceless. Gosh, Benny, the two are perfect!" Ben shook his head and grinned. He was relieved that Ray didn't mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snowstorm in Chicago, Meg is overwhelmed, Ray gives Caroline a lesson and Robert is suspended from school. Can Ben fix it all up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. Now starts the more exciting part. Enjoy.

In the afternoon, Meg came to Ben's office and said, "Ben, we have a problem." He looked at her wide-eyed. "I beg your pardon?" "The delivery for the decoration is later than planned, a snowstorm is brewing outside, Ottawa has called that they’ll need some documents until tomorrow, which I have to fax, but haven't yet finished, Turnbull, who should take over the late shift, has called in sick and I have no idea how to pick up the children from school and ..." "Meg." Ben had got up and put his hands on her shoulders. "Dearest Meg," he said tenderly and smiled, "Don't panic, we'll do it." Meg looked pretty desperate. “Dot has today choir rehearsal and comes later. I think it's about five," she said softly. "Good," he said, looking at his watch. "Give me your car keys, I'll pick up Caroline and bring her here. She can do her homework here. Then I’ll call Ray. As far as I know, he's at work by five-thirty. I ask him to pick up Dot from the rehearsal and also to bring him here. We can work together on the documents for Ottawa, then it goes faster, the decoration comes when it comes, it doesn't matter. We hope that Turnbull gets better soon and a snowstorm can be fun too."

Meg looked at him. His ice-blue eyes sparkled and she had to smile. "You’ve a solution for everything, right, Benton Fraser?" He grinned crookedly. "Give me the keys so I can pick up the little dragon lady from school. Meg picked up the keys, gave them to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Be careful, Ben. Think of your leg and the fact that a snowstorm is raging out there.“  
Ben looked out of the window and smiled. "Don't worry, my leg has been damaged for over ten years, I'm used to that and it's not a snowstorm out there. This is at most a lukewarm breeze. I'm at home in the north, remember? He laughed, but Meg saw the dark shadow of homesickness flitting across his face for a fraction of a second. She gave him a kiss. "You're right. What would I do without you?“  
He rubbed his brow with his thumb. "Well, your job, I suppose," he said with a grin, "And without worrying about kids and being worried about a crippled husband who's still struggling to drive a car after all these years, in a big-city." Meg's eyes went wide. "Benton!" She slapped his arm. "Go on, you dumbass." He chuckled. When he was at the door, she called him. "Ben?" He turned to her. She looked at him tenderly. "Still take care of yourself, yes?"  
The storm was stronger than Ben had thought. He cautiously tormented himself by the streets of Chicago. Luckily the traffic wasn't that bad. Probably because of the weather. He was happy when he reached Caroline's school.

"Daddy!" Caroline called cheerfully as he stood in the doorway. Her teacher welcomed him. He asked how his daughter was doing while she was getting her things. "Well," she said, looking at him in his uniform, "she's very intelligent and understands very quickly." "But?" He asked. She smiled. "She’s a bit precocious and cheeky." Ben laughed and said, "That's what I thought. Why should it be different at school?" Then he looked at her with a serious look and said softly: "My wife and I will talk to her again. She should behave. It's hard, you know? Often her temper goes through with her." Ms. Baxter smiled. "When I had Robert in class, he was the opposite. He is a calm and prudent child." Ben sighed. "Yes, the two are very different."  
Caroline appeared and shyly took her father's hand. She looked up at the adults from below. "Is everything okay?" She asked softly. "Yes, princess." Ben answered. They said goodbye to the teacher, which gave Ben the impression that she was holding his hand longer than usual, and headed for the exit.  
"Huh!" Caroline said as she opened the door and the storm blew the flakes in her face. Ben laughed. "Take care not to get blown away, princess!" He shouted. They quickly ran to the car.  
"Daddy?" Caroline asked as she climbed onto the seat. "Huh?" Ben said as he tried to line up. She looked at him from the side and whispered: "Would you be sad then?" "What?", Ben was irritated. He concentrated on the traffic. "If I was blown away," the girl explained. He glanced over at her for a moment. "Of course, child," he replied, "I love you and would always be sad if something happened to you." She nodded, satisfied. They were silent for a while and Ben watched the traffic. The snowdrift was getting denser and he had to be very careful. Besides, the road was smooth. Suddenly Caroline said, "Ms. Baxter has an eye on you." The car made a swerve and slipped. "Oh dear!", Ben shouted in alarm, but got the car back on track. "Wow! cool!", the girl called. Ben shook his head.  
Caroline repeated, "Really, Dad, she's on you. How she looked at you and besides, she held your hand for a long time." "Oh, Caroline!" Moaned Ben. But she said with conviction: "You can believe it. I can judge that, after all, I am also a woman.“ Ben had to laugh now. "You’re a foolish brat, Caroline Fraser!"  
Insulted, the child crossed its arms over its chest and pouting the lower lip. Meg always said that she got it from him. "Dad!", She said reproachfully, "I don't understand why you insult me, if it's a fact that Ms. Baxter is on you. What can I do for it? After all, I have the prettiest daddy in the world, even if you have a crippled leg."  
Ben smiled. He loved this child more than he could say. "I'm sorry, Princess," he said conciliately.

Of course, Ray did his friend's favor and picked up Dot from the choir rehearsal. As they entered the Consulate, Caroline peeked out of Meg's office and peered with a guilty conscience to her godfather.  
"Hello, little dragon lady," he said. "Hi," she answered reluctantly. Ray went to her and squatted in front of her, taking her hands. Embarrassed, she looked down. "Well?" He asked, "Is there anything the good old Uncle Ray should know?" She glanced briefly at her father, who was standing behind Ray with raised eyebrows.  
"Why?" She asked. "Well," Ray replied, "you look like you have a guilty conscience. Did you do anything?" "Uh ... ", she said. Ray put his finger under her chin and lifted her head so she had to look at him. "Well, what is it?", He wanted to know, "I thought you were bolder." "I didn't do anything!" The girl protested and looked to her father for help. "Sure.", Ray said, "But I know the loose mouth of our little dragon lady. Maybe you have said something?" Caroline looked imploringly at Ben. He raised his hands defensively and said, "If you've done anything, child, bear the consequences. Don't expect any help from me, if you're cowardly.“

Ben wanted to hug his daughter. She looked scared and close to tears. Ben shook his head and went to Meg's office to check on his son.  
Ray also noticed that the child was close to tears and he was a little sorry for her. But he had agreed with her father. She deserved a lesson. He got up, put his arm around her shoulder and said, "Come on, let's sit down and you'll tell me what's wrong, okay?"  
He led her to the stairs and they sat down on the steps.  
"Well," said Ray, "think carefully. Did you say or do anything that your guilty conscience tells me?" "How do you know that I have a guilty conscience?" She asked. Ray grinned. "Well, I'm a cop after all."  
"Hm, there's something in it," the kid said, "Apparently you're a pretty good cop, Uncle Ray, but maybe you should practice shooting more often?" She looked up at him from below. "Why?" Ray asked, stunned, "I'm an excellent shooter.“ "Hm ...", Caroline grunted. "What? Don't you believe me?" Ray was outraged. The girl said quietly, "But you shot Daddy and now he has a bad leg and back pain." Ray looked at her. "Yes, that's right," he admitted, "but it was not my intention, believe me. I'm so sorry, child.“ Caroline nodded. "I know. Daddy told me. But he also said that he isn't angry with you for saving his life. I don't understand, I would be ... " She stopped. Ray sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. "That's why you're mad at me, right?"  
She shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to be mad at you, but I can't. Why did you save Daddy's life if you shot him in the back?“  
Ray stroked her hair and stood up. "Well, little dragon lady," he said, "you'll only understand that in a few years. When you find out what love is." Caroline frowned. Love was boring and guys anyway stupid. "Maybe someday you can forgive me, Caroline Fraser." Ray said, "Like your father forgave me." He smiled sadly. "Well, I have to go now."  
When he said goodbye to the rest of the Fraser family and was already at the door, he heard Caroline call, "Uncle Ray?" He turned to her. "Yes, child?" She smiled shyly. "I forgive you." He beamed all over his face. "Great! Thank you, Caroline.“

The next morning the snowstorm was over, but everything was white. Caroline ran into the garden before breakfast and romped around the snow with Lincoln. Ben opened the door and called both for breakfast. "Hey, son. What's up?" Ben asked the boy at the breakfast table, "You're so quiet. "Robert grinned. "Caro makes enough noise," he answered. His sister stuck out her tongue. Meg said, "Hurry up, kids, it's late." Then to Ben, "I'm taking the kids to school. Go to the consulate, at eight o'clock comes the delivery. Probably. If they didn't get stuck in the snow." She sighed. Then she remembered that Ben might have difficulty walking when the roads were so snowy. "Maybe you better drive the kids to school," she said. "I can walk to school," Robert said, but Meg protested. "Not in that weather."  
Ben said, "Do you drive the kids to school, Meg. I'll take the cane, then nothing can happen to me." Meg laughed and shouted: "That I may still experience that! Benton Fraser can take care of himself!“

Robert sat in class and behaved as unobtrusively as possible. They should give a talk today about their parents' careers and he didn't want to explain why his parents did what they did. When they got the work, some classmates laughed at him. Michael, whose father was a firefighter, said laughing, "Well, Fraser? That's something for you! Your perfect Mountie parents have the most boring job in the world at their funny consulate!"  
Michael's friends joined in the laughter.  
The teacher asked who wanted to start voluntarily and Michael almost bent his arm to get there first. He showed off with the profession of his father.  
The lesson was almost over. Now it was a girl named Jolene and Robert hoped her talk would take a while until the school bell ring, but unfortunately her parents were divorced and she lived with her mother, who was an educator. When she was done, Robert squinted at the clock again. Another ten minutes ...  
"Robert.", He heard the voice of his teacher. "Oh dear," he sighed and got up. He had two options.  
He was either trying to gain time or he was telling stories that Uncle Ray had told about his father. "Well, Robert," said the teacher, "Tell us something about your parents' jobs." Embarrassed, the boy looked at his hands. He heard the evil giggles of Michael and his friends. Then he cleared his throat and muttered, "My parents are policemen. From Canada. Mounties. They work here at the Canadian Consulate." "Boooring!" He heard Michael moaning. “Quiet!" The teacher called. A boy named Josh whispered, "They're not real cops, they don't even have guns."  
Robert took a deep breath. "Well, Robert," said the teacher, "keep going. What are your parents doing there?" "Um ... yes ... well ... ", he stammered. The mean giggle of Josh and Michael made him angry. Luckily the bell finally rang.

"Good," said the teacher, "in the next hour we'll continue. Then Robert will tell us what his parents are doing at the Canadian Consulate." I certainly will not, Robert thought. The other kids stormed out of the classroom.  
In the playground, Robert retreated to a quiet corner and unpacked his sandwich. But Michael, Josh and their friends found him there. "Hey, Canuck!" Exclaimed Michael, "Come on, tell us about your daddy's exploits!" "Leave me alone," Robert growled.  
Josh nudged his friend and said, chuckling, "Oh, Mike! Mr. Superhero can't do any heroic deeds, he's crippled." Michael roared with laughter. "Yes, so!" He shouted, imitating Ben's limp. Robert jumped up and clenched his fists. His eyes were dark with anger. With a purposeful punch, he struck Josh to the ground. Then he jumped at Michael and hit him. Meanwhile, Josh had roused himself again and started for Robert.  
Suddenly Robert felt himself seized and pulled back. Mr. Simpson, the supervisor, had grabbed him by the collar. With the other hand he held Josh. Michael crouched on the floor, holding his bleeding nose.  
"What's going on here?" Mr. Simpson rumbled. "Fraser started it," Josh said. "Come along! All three of you!" The teacher said sternly, leading the boys into the director's room.

Ben's phone on the desk rang. He picked up the receiver and said his standard saying. It was the principal of Robert's school ...  
"Meg?" Without warning, Ben rushed into her office. She stared at him open-mouthed and forgot, as usual, to take off her reading glasses. "What happened?" She asked, judging by his facial expression something must have happened.“  
"Give me the car keys, please. Dot's school has called, I have to pick him up immediately." Ben said. Meg was startled. "What's up, Ben? Is he ill? "No, suspended. He got into a brawl.“ "WHAT ?!" Meg couldn't believe it, "Our son? Are you sure?" "Yes," Ben replied, "The principal says he will not get a word out of the villain. Oh, Meg! First Caroline and now Robert. We can really be glad that we don't have more children." "Ben? There has to be more behind it. Robby doesn't just fight like that. Someone must have insulted him severely. I know our child, he's like his dad." Ben smiled briefly, then took the keys Meg handed him and said,"I'll find out.“


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds out why Robert got into a fight and they discover a sad secret.  
> Later, Ben tells the boy about his past and why he is like him. Robert realizes that things are not always what they seem .

When Ben entered the principal's office, there were two other boys besides the principal and Robert. "Hello," Ben said, but the only one to return his greeting was the principal. "What happened, Mr. Mitchell?" Ben asked him. "Well, well ...", the principal leaned back in his chair, stroking his tie and folding his hands over his well-being belly. He looked at Ben over the edge of his glasses. "Robert has been beating up with these two boys, Michael Banks and Joshua Hendriks. However, none of them want to tell me what the reason for this fight was." Mr. Mitchell was actually a personable, comfortable man known for his sense of justice.  
Ben nodded, ran his thumb over his brow, and studied his son. The boy looked down. His left eye showed a beginning bruise and he had some scratches on his face. His dark curls were disheveled and his pants torn over his knee. Ben sighed. But the other two boys looked far worse. He stifled a grin. Deep down, he felt proud for his son and was ashamed of it.  
"Well, Robert," said Ben, "don't you want to tell me what happened?" The boy shook his head without looking at his father. At least he didn't call him Dot.  
Ben looked at the other two boys and asked, "And you? What about you?" Michael said nothing and Josh said, "Fr ... Robert started it." Ben looked at his son. "Is that true?" The boy nodded. "Good," Ben said, "And what was the trigger?" "Nothing," the boy whispered, "Can we go home now?"  
There was a knock. "Come in!" Mr. Mitchell called. It was Michael's mother. A small, plump woman who immediately started scolding when she saw her son. "Michael! What have you done again? There is always something going on! Either you or your brother!“  
"Hello, Mrs. Banks," the principal said gently. She stopped her tirade and looked at him as if she had just noticed him. "Yeah, hello," she replied, looking at Ben. It seemed to confuse her that a full-uniformed Mountie was standing in the principal's office. Smiling, he held out his hand and said, "Hello, Mrs. Banks. I'm Corporal Benton Fraser, the father of this delinquent there." He nodded in Robert's direction. "Good," Mr. Mitchell said. "Just one more missing." He glanced at Josh. The kid grinned and said, "My parents will not come, Mr. Mitchell. If we're lucky, they'll send a neighbour." "Hm," the principal said. He knew the misery in the Hendriks house. Joshua still had seven siblings, of which the elders themselves had already children. The youngest could probably just walk. His father was rarely at home and when, he was drunk most of the time. All the work was hanging on to Joshua's mother.  
"Fine," the principal said, "If no one wants to say anything ... you three are suspended for a week. After the holidays I would like you to write a report on why you shouldn't fight and suggestions on how to resolve conflicts differently. Did you understand that?"  
Robert and Michael nodded and said softly, "Yes, sir." Mr. Mitchell looked at Josh. "What about you?" He grinned. "Why do I have to write such a stupid report? I only resisted." “Joshua Hendriks!" The principal said sternly, "You were all involved in the fight, so you will all write a report. Besides, I will write a letter to your parents because they can't be here today."  
Josh shrugged. "Never mind anyone." "Mr. Hendriks!" The principal warned.

Ben immediately saw through the boy. A poor, neglected child's soul was hidden behind the class-boy's cool facade. The director turned to the adults: "All right. Mrs. Banks, Corporal Fraser, please talk to your children again at home. I wish you a Merry Christmas."  
With that they were dismissed. Mrs. Banks grabbed her son, said good-bye and vanished. Mr. Mitchell looked at Josh. "And you stay here until someone can pick you up." The boy laughed and lolled into a leather chair. "Then I'll probably spend Christmas here," he said. Robert was already in the corridor when Ben went back to the principal's office. He said, "Excuse me, Mr. Mitchell. If no one can pick up the boy, maybe I could take him and drop him off at home? Josh was alarmed. What does that mean? But the principal answered with relief: "Oh, that would be great, Corporal. If you don't mind?" "It's my pleasure," Ben said, looking at the boy. "So, what's on? Come on, Joshua, I'll take you home." Josh pouted. What did the funny guy want from him? He was even stranger than his son.  
Josh's older brother Brian, who was a member of a motorcycle gang and a great role model, always said, "If adults are nice to you, be careful, brother. Because then they want something from you. On the other hand, it was tempting to be taken home by car from the Canadian Consulate. He had seen the car several times when Robert was picked up. It was a Lincoln Crown Victoria. Josh was a big car lover. He later wanted to become a mechanic. Ben smiled at him. "Don't worry, Joshua, I just want to take you home."  
Joshua. That weird guy was calling him Joshua. Not just Josh, like everyone else. Somehow that sounded respectful. And how he looked at him. The same look Robert had when he wanted to convince someone of something. Well, why not? What should happen? If his father was at home and not too drunk, he would get a spanking one way or another, so he could enjoy it before.  
Only his mom would cry again if his father beat him and he was sorry for that. Grinning, he took his things. The Canadian wouldn't hurt him. Finally, he went with his son in the same class, even if they weren’t friends. He followed Ben out.

The boys were sitting in the backseat of the limousine and were silent. Ben climbed in on the driver's side and asked, "Are you hungry?" "No," Robert said. Josh said nothing. He was very hungry, having had no lunch break sandwiches. The month slowly came to an end and also soon was Christmas, when the money was scarce. And what was left, his father spent on alcohol and women. Josh didn't understand that, why could one buy women? What did they cost and what did they do with them? Anyway, at home was only his mom.  
Brian had said dad would spend the money on women. That should be just a joke, at any rate, the money was tight and he once again had no lunch break sandwiches. Usually that wasn't so bad, then he stole something on the way home in the supermarket. He was good at it. Sometimes he took something sweet for the little ones. His mother probably knew what he was doing, but she tolerated it. So at least his little siblings got something sweet at times.  
"What about you, Joshua?" Ben asked. How the boy would have liked to say 'yes’.  
"Um ... I may be able to eat at home," he said softly, adding in his mind: If Dad left enough money for Mom to cook something.  
Ben looked at him in the rearview mirror, then said, "Well, I'm hungry anyway. If you want nothing, you can watch." Robert groaned. "Dad! Can't we just go home?" Ben grinned. "First I have to eat something, then I'll bring you home. If you want, you can eat something too." Joshua's stomach growled loudly and he blushed. Ben laughed. “So much for the topic: I’m not hungry.“  
Robert and Joshua were silent for the rest of the ride.

Joshua was devouring the second hamburger. Robert had hardly took a bite. Ben watched the two boys. Suddenly, Josh paused and guiltily looked at the half burger and the handful of fries on his plate. Damn!, he thought, I should have taken the second burger for Mom. She’s so terribly thin because she hardly eats anything. She gives us everything. Especially for the little ones. I bet she goes to bed hungry almost every night .  
"Well, what's up, boys?" Ben asked with a grin, "Already full?" Robert replied, "I told you, I'm not hungry." Josh said nothing and looked sideways at his classmate. How could he just spurn the food? His father invited them to dinner, even though they had beaten and suspended from school. That was cool! From his own father, he would expect at most a spanking with the belt.  
Robert pushed his plate away. Josh stared at it. The plate was still almost full. Maybe he could take the leftovers secretly, then the little ones got something too?  
He took his napkin and began to carefully wrap the remnants of his meal. Ben watched him but said nothing. Robert, on the other hand, looked at him and frowned. Josh shrugged and grinned. "For later," he said, "The day’s still long.“ Suddenly Robert got a shocking realization. Josh didn't get much food, so he was so skinny! But why didn't he have anything? Was his family poor? Robert couldn't imagine what it was like to starve. He didn't know about this boy even though they were in the same class. He just knew he didn't like him because he always teased him. Because he had a big mouth and no behavior.  
And his own parents attached great importance to good behavior. But Josh was loud, dirty, rude and impolite.  
But why was he like that? Dad always said you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. So you shouldn't condemn a human just because they didn't fit into your own image. Robert knew he had made a mistake and was ashamed of it. Maybe Josh didn't want the food for himself? He had eaten so much, he had to be full for the rest of the day. But he still had siblings, Robert knew that. And they may not have been lucky enough to be invited to lunch by a Mountie.  
He pushed his plate over to Josh. "Can you still have it if you want. For later," he said. It was the first sentence he addressed to the other boy. Ben smiled knowingly. Now it seemed his son finally got it.

Joshua lived in an area that could almost be called a slum. It reminded Ben of his old neighbourhood in West Racine. The boy got out of the car and picked up his dirty, broken school bag. "Thanks," he said simply. Ben nodded. "Hey, Josh!" Robert shouted, "If you want, you can visit me sometime." Josh went to the house he lived in. Without looking back, he raised his hand and laughed, "Just imagine nothing, Fraser! ", he shouted.  
Robert was very quiet on the way home. When they arrived in front of their house, Ben said, "You got it now, right?" The boy nodded. They entered the house and Ben said, "Feed Lincoln, leave him in the garden and then do your homework. I have to call your mother at the consulate.“ The boy obeyed without argument.

"Meg?" "Who else?" Ben heard her giggle. "Yes, of course," he replied, rubbing his thumb over his brow. "Everything okay with Dot?" "Yes, I brought him home. He should do his homework and then go to the Vecchios. I'll get to the consulate as soon as possible." "Ben?" "Hm?" "Close the clock for today and take care of your son." "But ... the Christmas ball ..." "Ben, our children are more important." Yes, she was right. Robert needed him now.

Ben knocked on the door to Robert's room. "Yes?", He heard the boy call. "May I come in?" "Sure." Robert sat at his desk and did his homework. Good kid. Ben sat down on the bed. "How's it going?" He asked. "Good," the ten-years-old answered. "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "Thanks." "For what?" "For making it possible to have a family. A real family. Not like Josh.“  
Ben smiled. "Yeah, I know what it's like not having a real family." "Dad? We have to help Josh, even if he’s naughty and dirty. It's not his fault. I think he didn't just take the food for himself today. Somehow I'm sorry. Even if he always teases me and ... " "And?", Ben asked. Robert sighed. "If he and Michael say something against me, I don't care. But they insulted you.  
And ... and ... imitating your limp. I'm sorry, Dad but then I just got wild. I know I should have been better control myself ... "  
Ben stroked his hair. "It's okay, Dot."  
Ben didn't want his son to be in constant control. He should be allowed to feel and express that. He himself had never learned that.  
“Dot?", He said affectionately, "You can be angry if someone violates your feelings. Thou shalt laugh, cry and even "go wild" as you call it. It's OK. I'm so glad you can do it. And no matter what you do, I'll always love you and be proud of you."  
The boy looked at his father with his big blue eyes and suddenly Ben saw himself.  
Ten years old and in vain begging for the love of his father. No, that wasn't fair. Bob Fraser had thoroughly loved his son, he just hadn’t been able to show it to him.  
"Dad?" Robert's voice brought Ben back to the present. "Yes, my boy?" Embarrassed Robert rubbed his ear, then he said softly: "You would have wished that your dad once said he loves you and is proud of you, right?" Ben wondered again about his son. He nodded and said, "Your grandfather wasn't very good at showing emotions. But I think he loved me. In his own way. And your great-grandmother was pretty strict. She loved me too, no question, but she wanted me to get strong. Not here ... ", he put his hand on his biceps," ... but here. ", now he put his hand on his chest, "You and your sister, you should have it better. You should be allowed to say what bothers you and you should be able to demand affection at any time. Day and night." Robert grinned. "Well, Caro has absolutely no problem with that," he said. They both laughed.

Ben said, "Caroline is like your mother. She didn't like me at first and kept trying to fire me." "But you persisted, didn't you?" The boy replied. "Yes, son," Ben said, "because I loved her. From the first moment. She was intelligent, funny and proud. And beautiful. But I was scared. I was terrified of my own feelings. I just had a disastrous relationship behind me that almost cost me my life. No, that wasn't a relationship, that was ... I don't know what it was. I realized I could love. Thank God. But that? And then I met your mother and immediately knew she was different. It took a lot of strength to finally find to each other.  
We often had disagreements. And then ... well, I was ill. How much, I didn't know at first. Well, I often had pain and walking problems, but, hey, at least I had a bullet in my back. Well, and I'm probably unbearable when I'm not feeling well. At least that's what your Mom and Uncle Ray say." He laughed.  
"And how did you manage it then?" Robert wanted to know.  
"We should go to a survival training in Canada. There, the senior officers and their subordinates should learn to build trust with each other. Just before it started, I got sick. Your mom didn't want to take me with her, but I really wanted to. I hoped for a chance to get to know her better. Luckily the doctor gave his ‘okay’.  
This training was exciting and exhilarating. A real adventure. I think you would have liked that. Only your mother and I alone in the wilderness. I learned a lot about her. She wasn't only very smart, but also practical. I have to admit that I didn't thought so.  
And when I hurt myself, she took great care and knew exactly what to do, though ... well, it was pretty embarrassing."  
"How can an injury be embarrassing, Dad?" The boy seemed confused. Ben blushed and rubbed his brow. "You know, son, it depends on which body parts are injured and who is there to help you."  
Robert grinned and said, "I think I understand."  
Ben nodded. "Yes, son, I think so too. When crossing a branch, it flicked up and hit me, well ... exactly between the legs. How that can hurt, you probably still know from your bike accident last summer.“  
The boy grimaced as he thought of it. "Ouch!" He said. Ben grinned. "Well, that doesn't even describe it. I think not even Ray's bullet hurt so much. I had to vomit in pain and thought I would faint. But then your mom was there and stroked me. It was so good to be touched, especially by someone you love. She forced me to show her the injury, but of course I didn't want it. You can imagine how embarrassing that was. And she was my superior.“  
Robert chuckled. "Yes, Dad, I understand that. I didn't want to show it to Mom and she's my mother and I'm only ten. Now I know what she meant when she said I shouldn't pretend it wasn't the first time she saw this type of injury. And that I have the same talent as you." Ben laughed.  
"Yes, that's typical. Well, anyway, I became completely healthy again, otherwise you wouldn't be there. But your mom and I came closer. At the end of the training I got a nasty infection of my back injury.  
I had that more often, which was one of the reasons that it was worth the risk of having the bullet removed. I had a high fever and felt really bad. When we arrived at the destination, I hardly noticed anything. Your mom reproached and blamed herself because it was probably too early to take me with her. Shortly before the training, I was also sick and probably not yet cured properly. When they took me out, I was already unconscious."  
"And then?" The boy asked curiously.  
"Well," Ben answered, "your mom was in the hospital all the time with me. And when I was released and we flew back to Chicago, she suggested that I stay with her for a few days until I recovered fully. I accepted the offer.  
Some time later we flew back to Ottawa together for a seminar. We had finally discovered our love for each other, but both didn't know how to handle it. Shortly before our return trip, I finally took the courage and made her a proposal. And she said ... NO.  
Dot stared at him in surprise. "But you got married after all," he stated.  
"Yes. She came to my apartment and apologized. She said if I wanted to ask her again, she would say 'YES'. And I did it. Well, son. Some time later we actually got married.  
You know, I love your mom. Very. Even if it's not always easy. And you and Caroline, you are the culmination of our love. I always wanted a family of my own. I would give my life for you.“  
"Dad? Why did Mom say ‘no’ first? "The boy asked. "Well," Ben rubbed his brow, "I think she was scared." The boy looked at his father incredulously. "Mom? Scared? Never!" Ben laughed. "Oh well! Even strong people are sometimes scared. I would also be scared. Afraid of being abandoned again. All the people I loved left me. Always." "Why?" "Well, often not on purpose. My mum died when I was only six. As you know, I was raised by my grandparents. My father was rarely at home. When I was a kid, I didn't understand that. Sometimes I was even angry with him.  
But when my mom was still alive, he had rarely been home too. I just wasn't so aware. She must have felt terribly lonely many times. Later, I realized that my dad never got over her death. My parents loved each other. Really loved. I always wanted such a love.  
When I joined the academy, my grandfather died. Two years later, I was still in training, my grandmother died as well.  
Well, when I graduated from the academy, my father didn't even come to my graduation. I was just twenty-one, you know? From your point of view, that may sound very mature, but I was at an age where I'd have needed my family.  
All the other cadets had their families around them, parents, grandparents, siblings ... Only Benton Fraser stood there all by himself.  
A few weeks before, my dad still agreed. He definitely wanted to be there when his only son graduated and is a finished mountie.  
But on the day of the graduation party came a telegram. He congratulated me and wrote that he was sorry he couldn't come, but something very important had intervened. I didn't want to admit it, but I was disappointed. And sad. But I knew it had to be something really important.  
I stood there now. The best graduation of my year in the bag and ready to be a finished mountie, but no one was there to congratulate me and no one who was proud of me.  
I saw all the happy faces around me. Mothers and fathers who hugged their sons and daughters and told them how proud they were and how much they loved them. I somehow felt out of place. Superfluous. Absolutely unimportant on the most important day of my life.  
I was so proud of my uniform. It was what I always wanted. Dad should be proud of me and now he wasn't even there.  
All the other cadets went to celebrate with their relatives in the great hall. I went to my quarters, changed my beloved uniform into civilian clothes, and went into the woods.  
I felt good there. It didn't hurt that much when you were alone. Just before, I happened to hear the mother of another cadet ask if I had anyone to visit me. Her son replied, "This is Fraser. He’s strange. He has no family.“  
That hurt me, you know? Yes, I was different from the others. When they went out in the evenings and met with girls, I sat in my quarters and learned. On the free weekends, the others went to the city. I went alone in the woods. I knew it there, felt secure. It's not easy to always be the outsider, especially not when you're young.“  
Robert looked at his father with tears in his eyes. "That's so sad, Dad." Ben smiled. "But now I have you," he said. "And I promise you, my boy. No matter what you become when you grow up, I'll be there for your graduation. And when the world goes down, I'll be there. You should never experience what I had to experience back then. No way!"  
"That was so unfair of Grandpa, Dad." Robert said softly.  
"Oh, little dot. Don't be unfair. It wasn't his fault. He was as he was. And now I know that he loved me. And that he was proud of me. You know, when I met Buck Frobisher after Dad was gone, he often told me about their conversations when he and Dad had been out in the wild together. Buck said dad kept talking about me and always knew what progress I'd made. I think my mum and later my grandparents wrote it to him in letters. He also knew that I had the best degree at the academy. Yes, he loved me but just couldn't show it. He’d never learned it. Like me. I had a lot of painful experiences before I could dodo it. I want to spare you that. I love you, son and that will never change.“


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben isn't doing well at night and Meg wants him to go to the doctor, but you know his stubbornness.  
> Since Robert is suspended from school, Meg and Ben take him to the consulate, where he still has to study.

When Meg came into the bedroom that evening, Ben was already in bed. He crossed his arms behind his head and smiled at her. Meg sat down at her dressing table, loosened the ponytail that she had taken to take a shower, and began to comb her hair.  
"What are you grinning, Mountie?" She asked. He laughed. "Did I tell you today that I love you, my beautiful Meg?" She looked at him and bit her lower lip. "Not explicitly," she replied. "I love you," he said. She took off her bathrobe and climbed into bed with him. He took her in his arms. "Ben?" "Hm?" "I love you too." She yawned heartily. He chuckled. "Tired?" "Yeah," she replied, "It's late and I had a damn hard day." He kissed her on the hair and began to stroke her.  
"Sorry," he said quietly, "I should have been with you." "Oh, Ben.", She sighed and stroked his chest, "It's okay. Robert needed you more."  
"Hmm ..." Ben muttered, "I like that." She slapped him on the bare chest. "Don't even think about it, you horny Mountie. I'm too tired to do any activities." "Pity," he mumbled. She snuggled up to him. "Meg?" "What is it?" She asked sleepily.  
"Do you think we did everything right with our kids?" "Oh, Ben! I don't think you can do EVERYTHING right. Robert is by nature a sweet, restrained boy. And Caroline is cheeky and smart. I was like that as a child. Often I almost drove my parents mad." She chuckled and added," It's only the smart thing she got from you." "That's not true!" He pouted. Meg loved it when he pushed out his lower lip.  
She kissed him on the cheek. "You're cute when you sulk," she said. "I'm not sulking!" He protested. She giggled. "You don't? ... Ben?" She suddenly felt him tensed and writhing. "What's going on?" He narrowed his eyes and breathed hard. "Ben!", She called anxiously and all tiredness dropped away from her. She turned on the bedside lamp. "My leg ..." he gasped. "A cramp?" "Um Mmm." "Oh, Ben ..." Meg pulled the blanket off him and started to massage his sick leg. "I ... hate ... that!" He gasped. "I know," she said tenderly. "Poor darling." She flexed his foot up to release the spasm. "Breathe, Ben. Calm down. You need to relax." He tried. After a few minutes the spasm subsided. "Thanks, Meg," he whispered. "All right," she said. "Did you take your medication?" He didn't answer.  
She got up and said, "I thought so. For years now, we've had to keep having the same discussion, Benton." She left the room. "Oh dear," he sighed and turned on his side. He hated being dependent on medication, always hated it. After the operation, more than ten years ago, the doctors in Toronto had told him that he would need medication for the rest of his life. They also said that he would get spasms again and again and to prevent that, he had to take the stuff he hated. At that time he had hoped that one day he wouldn't need it anymore, but that was probably a mistake. His doctor injected him regularly, so that the muscles on his right side of the body didn't cramp and he hoped that would be enough.  
But it wasn't enough. Damn, after all this time, he still couldn't make friends with him being invalid. A cripple ...  
Meg came back to the bedroom and brought him his medicine, as well as a glass of water. "Here, take this.", She said and climbed back into bed. "If you had a sense of responsibility for yourself, you would take your meds and I wouldn't have to get up to fetch them. Sometimes I think you're masochistic, Benton Fraser.“  
First he wanted to say that he had not asked her, but he didn't, because he knew they would only fight again. So he said, "I'm sorry, Meg. Thanks. "Then he swallowed his pills, turned off the lights and lay down again. "Good night, Meg.“ "Yes, yes, good night." Oh, she was angry.

In the middle of the night, Meg woke up because Ben was tossing and turning and talking in his sleep. At first she thought he might be in pain, but then she realized he had a nightmare. She sighed and turned on the light. "Ben!" She called, shaking his shoulder. "Ben, wake up!" He opened his eyes and sat up abruptly. Meg was startled. "Damn," she exclaimed. Ben rubbed his eyes. He was damp with sweat and his breath was intermittent.  
Calmingly Meg stroked his back. "Are you okay?" She asked worriedly. He became calmer. "Yeah," he panted, "I just had a bad dream." She knew he often had those nightmares when he was concerned about something from his past. "Did you talk to Robert about your past?" She asked. “I beg your pardon?", He seemed confused. "Um ... well, I told him from my youth. It was about this boy, Joshua, with whom he had a fight. I wanted him to understand why the boy is like he is.“ Meg nodded. "All right. That I still think you should get professional help, I need not mention." He groaned. "I'm tired, Meg.“  
Yes of course! As always with this topic, he avoided. Meg lay down and closed her eyes.

The alarm rang. Groaning Meg groped towards it then and turned it off. She knew it would be another long day at work. Next week was the Christmas banquet and the final preparations had to be done. Nothing was allowed to intervene. When the banquet was over, Ben and she could finally go to the well-deserved Christmas holiday.  
She looked over at Ben. He lay on his stomach with his arms under the pillow and his face turned away from her. She stroked his neck and called softly, "Get up, Ben!" He growled. She grinned and shook her head. He would probably never break that habit. "Good morning, Mountie. She stroked his back. "Hmm ...", he made and buried his face in the pillow. How could he sleep so deep? All right. If he didn't get up now, he would be late. She shook his shoulder. "Come on, it's late. He growled again and pulled the pillow over his head. Meg sighed.  
"You didn't sleep again, right?" There was a hum from under the pillow. She got up, put on her bathrobe and opened the window. Then she pulled Ben off the blanket. "Get up, Ben. Off to the last round." He kicked at her. She laughed and tickled him. He squirmed and growled again. She pulled the pillow from his face. "Go on, you undisciplined guy!" She exclaimed laughing, "I'm tired, too, but that doesn't change anything." "My back hurts.", He murmured, fishing for the blanket and pulling it over his head. Yes, of course!, thought Meg, he only sleeps on his stomach if he has back pain. "All right," she said, "Then you take off today and go to the doctor." "That's not necessary," he mumbled under the blanket, "I just need some sleep. Meg shook her head and looked out the window. It was snowing heavily. She knew that the weather sometimes bothered him.  
Oh, Ben. What should I do with you?  
"Good," she said, "I'm going to wake the kids now. Either you get up and go to work or you go to the doctor, decide." He groaned in frustration. "Is that a command?" "An order." "What's the difference?" "You have a choice.“ "Meg ..." "So?" "Hmm ... yes, sir."

Meg and the kids sat at breakfast as Ben hobbled into the kitchen. He was wearing only sweatpants and was barefoot. His hair was disheveled, his face pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. Meg looked at him worriedly.  
"Good morning, family," he said. "Good morning, Dad.", The children answered. "Bad day, eh?" Meg asked sympathetically. He grinned crookedly. It must have been a bad night. He had had pain and nightmares and hadn't slept much. "I'm taking a shower," he replied.  
When he came back, the kids had finished breakfast and got ready for school. Dot left Lincoln in the garden and looked at his father worried.  
"Are you sick, dad?" He asked. Ben smiled and shook his head. "No, boy. I just didn't sleep well." Robert frowned and shyly asked,”I’s it my fault?" Ben laughed, pulling the child into his lap and hugging it. "Nonsense, Dot, why should it be?" Robert tried to get out of Ben's arms. He wasn't a baby after all. "Because I made trouble yesterday," he answered softly.  
Ben was about to answer when Caroline rattled down the stairs and shouted enthusiastically, "Look, it's snowing! Surely we get school-free!" "That’s exactly what we need!" Groaned Meg.  
When Caroline saw that her brother was sitting on Daddy's lap, she shouted, "I want too!" She also tried to climb onto his lap, but as she sat on his sick leg, he jerked and grimaced painfully. Meg noticed it and said, "Well, finish now. Get ready, we have to go." The children left the dog back in the house and fetched their school bags.  
Meg looked at her husband. He drank his tea but didn't eat anything. Sighing, she put his medication on the table for him. "Take this," she said. "Then we drive Caroline to school and then I'll take you to the doctor. Robert is coming with me." "Meg ... " Ben groaned in frustration, "I don't need a doctor. You know, the weather ..."  
"Ben, it would be better if a doctor looks at that. Apparently you’re not feeling well and you're in pain. Besides, you didn't eat anything. It's not good if you take the medicine on an empty stomach, you know that." He took a banana and peeled it. Meg started clearing the table.  
"A doctor can't help me either." Ben pouted, "It's the way it is." Meg shook her head. In principle, he was right. There were such days.  
Ben, on the other hand, would have liked to go back to bed, but there was still so much to do at the consulate. He couldn't leave Meg alone for another day with all the work. "It'll be Christmas holidays soon," he said, "I'll stick to it until then.“  
Caroline shouted from the door, "What's up? Can we?" "Caro!" Her brother said indignantly. Ben swallowed his pills, got up and put on his jacket. The girl was right, in the weather they would probably all be too late.

Well, Ben and Meg had decided that they would take Robert to the consulate and he still have to do homework. As she dropped Caroline outside the school, she shouted, "Rob has it fine. He beats and gets school-free.That's unfair!" Meg sighed. "That's not unfair, child, that's a punishment." "School is a punishment," the girl answered. Ben grinned and Meg said sternly, "Caroline Fraser! You're now going to class and study hard so that we can be proud of you."  
Caroline grinned. "Ha! You’re that anyway, right, Dad? You always say you're proud of us no matter what we do. And that you always love us.“  
Ben groaned. "Yes, princess, but that doesn't mean that you have a license. You still have to learn and be diligent. And your brother comes to the consulate and has to learn too."  
"Dad?" There was that look from below again and Ben knew that if his daughter looked at him like that, she wanted something. "What is it?" "Will you bring me in?" Ben frowned at her. Caro flattered: "I like it when my handsome daddy brings me to class, especially in his uniform."  
Meg laughed, lightly punched Ben's arm and whispered to him, "Without it I wouldn't let you in." He stared at her, shook his head and brought his daughter to the schoolhouse.

Robert had gotten his lesson and sat in Meg's office. He listened to the telephone conversations she had with Ottawa and the click of the computer keyboard. The tasks were easy for him and he didn't have to concentrate too much. He liked to sit and work in the same office with his mother. He felt grown up.  
Meg watched her son. As he wrote, his tongue played between his lips, which reminded her of Ben. This child had been a reincarnation of his father from the beginning. She smiled as the boy brooded over a task and rubbed his thumb over his brow.  
Ben had told her what had happened at school and why. Robert had said nothing. He was only ten years old, but already as proud and stubborn as his father. And he had the same talent to get himself into trouble.  
Robert realized that he was being watched. The keyboard click had stopped and there was no rustling of paper. He looked over at his mother and grinned crookedly. The same grin as his father when he felt caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. Naughty and a little shy.  
"What is it?" He asked. Meg shook her head. "Nothing. You're just reminding me of your father." "Hm," he said. "Is that good or bad?" Meg laughed. "If it was bad, I wouldn't have married him." "There's something in it," the boy said, grinning. Then he leaned back. "Mom?" "Yeah?" "In Canada you're allowed to teach your kids at home, right?" Meg frowned and hesitantly answered “Yes…“  
"And I'm a Canadian," the boy went on. Meg was alarmed. What did he want to go to? "Yes, we're all Canadians.", She said. "Can't we be taught at home then?" He asked. Meg laughed. "Dots! We live in the States now and there is compulsory education, even if you're Canadian." "But you could also teach your children at home," Robert interjected. "Yes," Meg replied, "but you have to apply for that and since your father and I are working, we wouldn't have the time to teach you decent classes."  
Robert's grin widened and his eyes sparkled.  
Then, with an airy expression, he said, "But if we're taught here at the Consulate, we're theoretically in Canada. And because it's allowed to be homeschooled in Canada, and I AM in Canada when in the consulate and still study, I don't miss anything and the suspension is obsolete. It's not that I do nothing in the meantime.“  
Meg laughed loudly. “Aren’t you the thoughtful little beaver? After the Christmas holidays, you go back to school." "But Mom ... ", he grumbled and sounded almost like his sister, "It's much nicer here. It's quiet and I can concentrate better. It's also great to work with my mother in the same office."  
Meg shook her head and walked over to him. She kissed him on the hair and said, "I need some coffee." He looked at her with his blue Fraser look and asked, "Will you bring me a Coke, please?" "Coke?" Meg raised her eyebrows. "For once.", He said boldly, "The sugar I need for concentration and the caffeine keeps me awake, so I can work better." Meg laughed, shaking her head. "You smartass! You're really your dad again." She went to the door. "Mom?", The boy called after her. She turned to him. "Yes?" "Can you please check on Dad? I think he wasn't feeling well this morning." " You're right," she said, "but I would have done that anyway. I love you, Little Dot.“  
She walked down the hall to the consular kitchen. This child! Like his father, he always thought of the welfare of others first. Not even eleven years old and already so caring. Most children of his age wouldn't even have noticed if someone wasn't feeling well. Yes, her dot was already a very special boy and she loved him very much.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben realizes that he's seriously ill and finally decides to go to the hospital.  
> Meg is relieved.  
> Robert is allowed to go to the consulate and tries to learn there.  
> On the way to the hospital, Ben asks Ray to find out about Joshua and his family, as the boy's fate doesn't leave him in peace and his helper syndrome comes to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it always seemed unbelievable to me that Fraser got well again after the serious gunshot wound, I thought it would be more likely to keep something back. In addition to back problems and a not quite functioning leg, he also has problems with the kidneys and occasionally gets infections.  
> Also, sometimes I like it, to let my characters ... okay, my borrowed characters, to suffer a bit.  
> But everything will be fine, I promise.

When Meg came out of the kitchen with a coffee cup in one hand and a can of coke in the other, she saw Ben coming straight out of the bathroom and walking down the hall to his office. He was quite pale and seemed absent.  
"Ben!" She called, but he didn't seem to notice her. Or did he just not want to notice her? "Ben!" He disappeared into his office. Meg shook her head blankly. What was wrong with him? With her elbow she opened the door to his office and entered.  
Ben stood at the window, staring out. "Ben?" She asked softly. He turned abruptly. When he saw her, he smiled and rubbed his thumb over his brow. Worried, she looked at him. "Everything okay?" She put the drinks down on his desk.  
He took a deep breath and sat slowly in his office chair. "Yes," he replied, “I’m fine."  
Meg crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head to one side, and looked him in the face. "Liar.", She claimed. Sighing, he leaned back. “I’m fine, Meg, honest."  
She still looked at him like that. With the Inspector Thatcher gaze piercing him and looking straight into his soul.  
He lowered his eyes and asked softly, "What's Dot doing?"  
Typical! He tried to distract her. He always did that when something was wrong. Meg replied, "Schoolwork. Ben? Talk to me. I'm your wife, don't forget that." "Meg ...", he groaned, "It's nothing."  
He took a file from the desk and opened it. He knew that Meg would soon lose patience and get angry. She took the file from his hand. "Benton Fraser!" She said sharply, "Look at me! Look into my eyes, go ahead!"  
He looked up at her from below. Like Caroline, if she wanted something, Meg thought. "Meg, really, it's nothing."  
"Eh," she said, raising her hand. He grinned crookedly. "Nothing special, or ..." "Damn, Ben!" Now she was really upset. But at the same time worried, yes, almost anxious.  
"Listen," she said, trying to suppress the fear in her voice. "You can't fool me, I know something's wrong. And it scares me more if you don't tell me than if you tell me. Stop scaring me and tell me what's going on, okay?"  
He sighed and rested his face in his hands. "Ben ..." "I'm bleeding again," he mumbled into his hands. "What?!" She hoped she'd misunderstand him. Since the operation ten years ago, he occasionally suffered from kidney problems. His right kidney didn't work completely and he sometimes got infections.  
He removed his hands from his face and looked at her with his ice-blue eyes. "I'm bleeding," he repeated, "my kidney. Not bad, just a bit." Meg's knees went soft and she had to sit down. "Oh, God ..." she whispered. He smiled and laid his reassuring hand on her arm. "It's not bad, Meg, believe me."  
She had caught herself again and took a deep breath. Okay, okay ... just keep calm. She should have known that he had another infection boost. On Sunday he had a fever and this morning he was in pain.  
"Okay," she said in a slightly trembling voice, "I'll pick up Dot and we'll go to the hospital right away." She got up and started to hurry to the door.  
"Meg!" He called back, "Don't panic. I know that I have to clarify that, but it doesn't have to be right now. Don't stress. We wait until after work, until then nothing will happen. I'm fine. Francesca picks up Caroline from school today and takes her home with her. I'll call Ray and ask him if he can pick me up here at five and drive me to the hospital. You drive home with Dot and I'll call you as soon as I know something. That sounds like a plan, right?“  
Meg looked at him with her coffee brown eyes. Yes, that sounded reasonable. They had family, they couldn't rush things.  
"Okay," she said softly, "and you're really feeling well?" "Yes, Meg." "No pain?" "None. And it's just a little blood, Meg. If I hadn’t gone to the bathroom, I wouldn't even have realized that something was wrong."  
She was relieved. "Still, Ben. You shouldn't take this lightly.“ "I know, dearest Meg," he answered tenderly, "and that's why I drive to the hospital after work. I certainly have a beginning kidney infection. The best thing that can happen is that I get antibiotics and get sent home. The worst thing is that I have to stay in hospital for two or three days. Come on, Meg. The last infection boost is now almost two years ago. It gets better. Hey, there were times when I was hospitalized every few weeks." He stood up, hugged her and stroked her back. She nodded absently. Yes, he was right. Nevertheless…  
"Is that never going to end?" Meg sighed. "I thought we'd get over it." Suddenly he felt sorry for her. She still had hope and now he had to disappoint her again. "I'm sorry, Meg," he whispered, pulling her close and kissing her hair, "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you, so I didn't want to tell you." Smiling, she looked up at him. "It's okay, Ben. It's not your fault."  
She pulled away from his embrace, took the cup with the now cold coffee and the Coke can. "I have to bring our son his drink," she said. Ben frowned. "Coke?" "Exceptionally. Says your son. He needs the sugar to concentrate and the caffeine to stay awake." "Smartass!" Ben said. "Like his father," Meg replied. They both laughed.

"Mom? Everything okay? "Dot looked at his mother with Ben's blue eyes. "What?" Meg seemed distracted. "What's wrong, Mom?"  
Oh, that kid was still attentive. She smiled and knew she had to tell the truth to her son. He wouldn't let up otherwise. He had the obstinacy of his father.  
"Oh, it's nothing.", She said reassuringly, "Your dad just has to go to the doctor this afternoon." "Is he sick?" Worried, the boy looked at her. "No, he isn't, Dot. He has only a problem that should be clarified." "What?" "Nothing special." "Mom!", Protested the child, "You're worried, I can see that, so it's not 'nothing'.  
Smart boy. "Well," Meg explained, "he has kidney problems." "Is that bad?" Oh, man! Robert looked exactly like his father now. He tried to hide his fear, but his eyes betrayed him.  
She had to explain it to him. Finally, she knew what it felt like to be left in the dark. It was scary.

Meg got up from her desk and walked over to him. She sat down beside him, put her arm around his shoulder and said, "Listen, Robert. Do you remember when Dad had to go to hospital about two years ago because of kidney pain and high fever? Dot nodded. "Yes, Mom. And he peed blood." "Yeah, right," Meg said. "And that happened again. But he has no fever and no pain." "But peed blood." "Hmm. That's why he has to go to the doctor, today. Just for safety."  
"I understand that, Mom, does he have to stay in hospital? I don't want Dad to be in the hospital for Christmas. You know how much he likes Christmas." Dot's eyes were pleading. Yes, he was right. Ben loved Christmas since he had a family.  
"I don't know, boy, but if he stays in the hospital, it's only two or three days. But the doctor has to decide. You know, we're not worried at first and just wait, okay?" The boy agreed. Meg got up and said, "Now continue your homework." She went back to her desk. The conversation with her son had done her very well.

The phone rang while Ray was in the middle of investigative work. "Vecchio!" He snarled in a bad mood. "Ray. Am I disturbing you?" "Benny! Honestly, yes."  
Pause…  
Then Ben said, "Sorry. I'll call you later." Ray sighed. When his friend called at this time, he was in some trouble. But as far as Ray knew, Ben was at the consulate. In which difficulties could you already be stuck there? On the other hand, it was Fraser …  
"Shut up, Benny," Ray said. OK. "Ray? Can you pick me up at the consulate at five o'clock and drive me to the hospital?" "Pardon me?!" "Can you ..." "I understand that," interrupted Ray, "the question is, what have you done again?"  
Ben laughed. "Nothing, Ray. But Robert is here. He was suspended from school for getting in a brawl. Meg is to take him home this afternoon. Caroline is with you. Francesca picks her up from school today, they want to do some women's business, don't know, maybe go shopping or do their fingernails or something. I ... " "Fraser!", Ray stopped him in his remarks, "Who has to go to the hospital now?" "Me," Ben replied meekly.  
He heard Ray catching his breath and saw him in his mind rubbing his almost bald head. "What's going on, Benny?" "Nothing dramatic, Ray," Ben answered, "I just have to check my kidneys." "Didn't you let that happen just recently?" "Yes." "And?" "It's out of line, Ray." Ben sounded annoyed. Ray groaned. "Fraser! Do I have to pull every word out of your nose?" "Out of the nose, Ray?" "Stop playing the innocent, naive Mountie, nobody will take that away from you anymore. You’ve been living here for far too long now.“  
Ben laughed. "There's something on that. Okay, I have to have my kidneys checked because I'm bleeding, Ray." He heard Ray moan again. "Oh god, Fraser! Is that never going to end?" "Ha! That's what Meg has already asked. I'm sorry, Ray." "Fraser ... Okay, I have to go. I'll pick you up at five, right?“ "Thanks, Ray." Relieved, Ben leaned back. The first hurdle would be done.

"Are you done with the schoolwork?" Meg asked her son as he packed his notebooks and books together. "With math," the boy groaned, "But now I still have American history and I hate it." Meg laughed. "Maybe because you’re Canadian?" "That will be it." Robert answered with a serious expression. "Can you help me, mom?"  
"Oh, Little Dot. I know myself, frankly, so not so good and besides, I still have a lot to do. You know what? Go to Dad, he should help you. I think he knows a lot about it. He's a walking dictionary." "Lexicon." The boy corrected, grinning. Meg laughed. "All right, you little smartass." "Mom!" Again she laughed. "You're just like your father, Robert Fraser. Get out of here!" The boy laughed. "Well that's good!", He shouted. "After all, you love him." He picked up his books and happily left the office.

Ben looked up from his work as someone tentatively knocked on his office door. "Come in!", He shouted, it was his son, "Little Dot!", He said in surprise, “Good that you think of your old father." The child was outraged. "You're not old, Dad!" Ben leaned back and laughed. "Old and invalid," he said. "But you're my dad and I'm proud of you." Robert said seriously.  
"Come here!" Ben called, spreading his arms. Robert put his textbooks on the desk and jumped into his father's arms. Ben stroked his hair, hugged him, and said tenderly, "I love you, son, and I'm proud of you. And I'm really lucky that I got you from all the kids.“  
Robert looked at him skeptically. "That's complete nonsense, dad. You had no choice. I have your and Mom's genes. The only coincidence is that I became a boy. I could have become a girl, so maybe I would be like Caro ... oh dear!" Ben laughed. "My son is smart, too. You can't fool him. If you had become a girl, you would be Caroline. Then you would have gotten that name.“  
"And Caro?" The boy asked. Ben pulled him close. "She just got another name. But since you were a boy, another name was out of the question for her." "And if she had become a boy?" Dot asked. Ben grinned. "Then your mother wanted a Ray Benton." "Oh God!" Robert groaned and rolled his eyes, “I guess Caro just get lucky then." Ben laughed again.  
Robert climbed off his lap and asked, "Dad? Will you help me with my schoolwork? American History. Mom says you're a walking lexicon and should help me." "Uh-huh." Ben rubbed his brow with his thumb. "And who will do my work?"  
Dot thought for a moment, then said with conviction, "Mom said so, and she's your boss. but I can help you if you want." "Yes." Ben grinned," That's a good idea.“

Ray came to the consulate at five in the afternoon. "Hiya, Benny!" He shouted as he stormed into Ben's office, "Let's go to the uncle doctor and see if he can fix our favorite mountie."  
Robert, who was also in the office, reading, looked at him with Ben's blue eyes and asked. "Are you drunk, Uncle Ray? Then you'd better not drive a car." Ray laughed. "Come here, Little Ben and say hello to your uncle Ray." "My name is Robert." The boy corrected in a serious tone, "Why can't you remember?" Ben said sternly, "Don't be rude, Son!"  
Ray grabbed the child and whirled it around. Robert laughed. "Hey, Little Ben!" Ray shouted cheerfully, "I know that your name’s Robert, that's your grandfather's name, but you ARE Little Ben. A miniature copy of Big Ben, your father." "Oh, Ray!" Groaned Ben.  
Meg, who had heard the noise, suddenly stood in the door and warned, “Don't damage my child, Vecchio!" Ray set the boy down. "Hello, nice dragon lady.", He laughed. Outraged, Robert exclaimed, "Uncle Ray! That's not how you talk to a lady, especially not if she's my mother.“ Ben raised his eyebrows and grinned. Ray said with a laugh, "You're right, shorty." Then he looked at Ben and said, "Oh, Benny! He’s one hundred percent a Fraser. How am I supposed to endure two of this sort?"  
Meg took her son by the hand and said, "All right, boys. Robert, get your things. Let's finish work." Ray followed the boy. "I'll help you, Little Ben."  
Meg went to her husband and took his hand. "Are you okay?" She asked. He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." Then he took his jacket. Meg asked, "You're scared, aren't you, Ben?" He smiled at her. "Oh, Meg, no. Well, not really scared. I just don't feel like doctors, hospitals and all the procedures." Meg gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Everything will be fine, darling. Call me right away if you know more, right?" "I do. Let's go, Meg." They all left the consulate together.

Ben was very quiet on the way to the hospital. Ray tried to make conversation. "So, was Little Ben suspended from school for beating?" Ben looked over at him. "Yes, Ray." "And? Did you punish him or were you too soft again?" Ray knew Ben was rarely strict with his kids and actually liked it. But he enjoyed teasing his friend a bit.  
Ben seemed outraged. "What does that mean?" Ray chuckled. "Oh, Benny, I know you." Ben said softly, "He was beating up for me, Ray." “For you?" Ray was irritated. "Yeah, two boys from his class made fun of me because I'm just a desk mountie and because I ... limp." "Oh god, Benny!" Ray exclaimed, "These kids are only ten! You should tell them a few stories from your past." Ben rubbed his thumb over his lips and smiled wistfully.  
"I'm sorry," Ray said softly. He knew that Ben missed the old days ... just like him. "Nonsense, Ray." Ben protested, "I'm completely satisfied with my life. I have everything I ever wanted."  
"Oh yes?" Ray sounded annoyed. Why did Fraser always pretend that everything was alright? He, Ray, was to blame for the disaster. "Then your desires include a crippled leg, back pain, and kidney problems?" "Ray, it's okay," Ben interjected, “Life is not in vain.“, ‘and certainly not for me’, he added in his thoughts. "Fraser!" Ray said angrily, "Others are real bastards, getting the best families without ever doing anything, and abusing them. And you? You’re the most honest, decent and loving person I know and always have a hard time. And then there comes your so-called best friend and shoots you to cripple.“  
"Ray! Please! That's twelve years ago. Now you should really stop to blame yourself."  
Ray slowly calmed down again. "Yeah, maybe you're right, Benny." "I am right. But while we're on domestic violence, can you please check someone for me if there's anything going on in that direction?" "Sure, what's up?"  
And Ben told him about Joshua.

Ray waited outside the doctor's consulting room. Ben was in there for a while. Ray hated this situation, although he knew it wasn't that bad this time. Nevertheless…  
The door opened and Ray heard Ben say, "Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye." "I'm sure that will probably not be avoided, Ben." The doctor replied. They both laughed and Ray thought they must have built a very special doctor-patient relationship over the years. But Ben had laughed. That was a good sign.  
"And?", Ray asked. "I'm fine," Ben answered, "I've got a kidney infection but I came in early enough to get it treated. Without hospitalization, fortunately. I have to take antibiotics and take it easy the next few days, then it should be done in a few days."  
That the doctor had also said that the scar tissue in his back was overgrown over time and pressed on the spine and nerves, he preferred to keep quiet. That was also the reason why in recent weeks he had had more and more frequent and severe pain, as well as motor failures, especially in the leg. He should think about a new operation to have the tissue removed. His first response had been a clear "no." He didn't want to go through all that again.  
"Ray? Will you give me your phone? I want to call Meg so she doesn't have to worry." "Sure, Benny."  
After calling Meg, Ben said, "Let's have something to eat, Ray. I’m starving." Laughing, Ray poked him in the ribs. "Your first good idea today, Fraser."

That evening, Ben was already in bed, Meg came out of the bathroom into the bedroom, sat down at the dressing table in front of the mirror, creamed her face and combed her hair. That was her routine every night and Ben loved to watch her do it. It gave him something reliable. He lay on his back, his hands clasped behind his head, and looked over at her. Smiling, he said: "I love you, you know that?" She looked at him and answered tenderly: "I know that, darling. I love you too."  
She took off her bathrobe, hung it over the chair and crawled to Ben in bed.  
"Do you know what?" She ran her finger lightly over his chest. "Since your doctor said you should take it slow, you will stay home tomorrow and sleep in. Then you can take care of Dot." He looked at her. "But the Christmas banquet ... There's still a lot to do." She kissed his nipple, which made him moan. "Most of it is done," she said, "I can handle the rest. Plus, Turnbull will be back tomorrow. "Then she kissed his stomach. "Meg.", He groaned and stroked her hair.  
She stopped and looked into his face. "Are you okay, Ben?" He smiled. "Yeah, sure." "Shall I move on?" "Hm Mmm ..." He was hard and Meg knew that. She just loved tormenting him a bit.  
They made love. Suddenly Ben winced and shouted, "Ow!" What was going on? Had she hurt him? Slowly he let himself roll to the side, then onto his back and stifled a moan. "Ben?" Worried, Meg sat up and looked at him. In the moonlight, she realized he had narrowed his eyes. He was breathing hard. "Ben?", This time she sounded really scared. "Did I hurt you?" He shook his head. "No ... it's not your fault." "Did you hurt your little Mountie?" She asked. "My back," he replied, "I'm sorry, Meg. I didn't want to let you down, but .. " "Shh," she said, putting a finger to his lips, "It's all right darling. Shall I massage your back?" "Hmm." "Good, turn around.“  
He did, but this time he couldn't suppress a moan. "So bad?" Meg asked sympathetically. “Hm Mmm." She rubbed his cramped muscles. "Good ..." he moaned. She grinned.  
"What about your back? Did you tell the doctor? You've been having problems again lately."  
Oh dear! Sooner or later he had to tell her. Better sooner, because if she found out by herself, he was in trouble again. He sighed. After all these years he still found it difficult.  
"Meg?" He said softly. "Yes, darling?" She pressed her face into his hair. "Maybe I'll have to go under the knife again," he admitted. "What?!" Startled, Meg shot up and stared at him. He turned and took her hand. "Ben! Why?" Her voice sounded fearful. Ben smiled and stroked her hand. "The doctor says the scar tissue is heavily overgrown and presses on the nerves and spine. That's why I have problems. But I don't want that anymore, Meg. I'm tired of this whole procedure. I'm sorry."  
She snuggled up to him and stroked him. "Oh, Ben. I understand that. What will you do now?" "I don't know, "he replied resignedly, "The doctor says I should think about a new operation to remove the scar tissue. Such things will happen for the rest of my life. I will be restricted forever. I can accept that, but sometimes ... sometimes it just gets too much."  
Meg kissed him. "I love you, Ben, no matter what you do." He smiled, "I know that, I love you too." “Hey," she said, "If you decide to go with the surgery, how about Toronto? You liked it there." He laughed. "Toronto? Meg, that would be a big hassle. With the kids and everything." "Yeah, you're right." "I think about it, okay? It's not an emergency and not immediately necessary." "Fine," Meg said, "but I don't want you to be in pain and suffering.“  
He nodded. "Fine, but please do me a favor and don't worry all the time. And don't keep asking me if I'm okay. I'm not okay and we both know that. That's how it was when we first met.“  
"Fine," Meg said. "Good," Ben replied, "And now we should go to sleep, we have to get up tomorrow morning." "Me," Meg said determinedly, "you'll stay home tomorrow.“


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray finds something out about Joshua's family.  
> Ben spend a nice day with his son. But he's ill and has to go to the doctor again. On the way home, he meets someone he hadn't expected at all.

Meg made breakfast for the kids and let Ben sleep. He had been very restless all night, so he needed sleep.  
She woke the kids. As always, Caroline protested. When the kids came to the kitchen, Meg said, "Be quiet, kids, your dad is sleeping.“ "Is he feeling worse?" Robert asked. Meg smiled. "He has some back problems, not bad, but I said he should stay home today and do homework with you."  
Caroline disapproved. "I also want to stay home and study with Dad!" She demanded. Meg sighed. "We already had this discussion. For Robert it's a punishment not to be allowed to go to school, no reward. He’s suspended and that will be felt in his judgment. You're going to school, Caroline." The girl grumbled.  
When Meg left the house with pettish Caroline, she kissed her boy and said, "Be good, Little Dot. Listen to Daddy and don't do anything. Do your homework, okay?" "Yes, Mom." Robert replied.

When Meg and Caroline left, the boy decided to go walk Lincoln. It was still early in the morning and his dad was still asleep. Mom had told him to let him sleep.  
It had snowed fresh and Robert loved the snow. For schoolwork he would still have time all day. So he wrote a note for his father, put on the snowsuit and called the dog. Then they went out into the winter morning.

Ben woke up and looked at the clock. It was almost nine. "Oh dear," he sighed. Why hadn’t Robert wake him? Slowly he sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. His back was stiff and aching. He hoped a hot shower would help.  
When he came to the kitchen, he found a note beside his breakfast place setting. Dot wrote that he was out with Lincoln and would be back by ten at the latest. Ben was a little worried. His boy, alone outside. Well, not all alone. He had the dog with him and he was well trained. He had inherited the senses of his father Diefenbaker. Okay, Robert was ten. Almost eleven. And he was a responsible boy. Nothing would happen to him.  
First breakfast and then took a shower.  
He had just turned off the water and started to dry off himself when the phone rang.  
“Dot!", Shot it through his head. He wrapped the towel around his waist and limped to the phone. "Fraser ..." He was a little out of breath. "Benny?" "Ray ..." "Did you run a marathon or why are you panting like that?" Ray laughed.  
"I ... I was in the shower.", stammered Ben. "Alone?" "Of course."  
Ray laughed again. Ben groaned. "What's going on, Ray?" "Why pissed off?" Ray asked with a grin, "Meg told me you're home today. How are you?" “I’m fine, Ray, please ... " "Is everything okay, Benny?" Now Ray seemed a bit worried. Ben replied, "Yeah, it's just … Dot is outside with Lincoln and I'm a bit worried."  
"Oh, Fraser! Your Dot is a smart boy, nothing is happening to him." "Hm. Maybe you're right. It's just ... well, you know what happened back then." "Yes, Benny, but that's long ago. Ray cleared his throat and then said, "The reason I'm calling is that I did some research on the Hendriks, what you asked me for."  
"Oh," Ben said, rubbing his brow, "And? What did you find out?“  
"You were right," Ray replied, "Tom Hendriks, Joshua's father has been reported twice for domestic violence. In both cases of former neighbours. However, he was never convicted because his wife and older children didn't testify. On the contrary, his wife said the neighbours have something against their family because they have so many children." "Hm," Ben said, "Thanks, Ray." “You're welcome," Ray replied, "Hey, Benny, if you want, I keep an eye on the Hendriks. But please don't do any stunts single-handedly, okay?" "Okay, thank you." Ben hung up and thought about what Ray had said. He would definitely stay tuned.  
The door opened and a wet dog stormed into the hallway, followed by a boy covered with snow, whose eyes lit up. His cheeks were flushed and as he removed his toque, his dark, damp hair curled in small curls. He was the exact miniature edition of his father.  
"Hi, Dad," the boy said while Lincoln jumped up at Ben, barking it so he had to hold the towel around his waist so he wouldn't suddenly stand naked in the hallway.  
"Hello, Dot", Ben replied, "Did you have fun?" "Oh, yes!" The boy exclaimed enthusiastically, "It was snowing and Mom said I should let you sleep, so I thought I was going out with Lincoln for some time. We were at the river. There's at least a bit of nature and the snow was still untouched. In the city is just too much traffic and the poor snow is immediately processed into mud. This is a pity. I bet most people in Chicago have never seen a snowflake up close. They have no view for the filigree work of nature. Did you know that every snowflake looks different, dad? There are no two identical flakes. Only mother nature can do that! People can't do that. We should really have more respect for her again.“  
Ben smiled at his son. He was pleased that the boy was so passionate about nature. He had been just like that as a kid.  
"I know son," he said, "But you should get out of the wet clothes first." Then he looked down at himself. "And I better wear some."

Ben and Dot sat over scientific questions all morning, until the boy said, "Can we take a break, dad? I'm hungry." Ben looked at the clock. It was already after one. "Oh," he said, "how could I forget that? Let's cook something, that's science too."  
"Really?" The boy asked in astonishment. "Of course," Ben answered, "physics, biology and even chemistry." Dot beamed. "True!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, “Wow, Dad! From the side I haven't seen that!" He jumped up and headed for the kitchen. "Come on, Dad!"  
Ben got up slowly and put a hand on his back. The long sitting made him a bit stiff and aching. "Always slow with the young horses, son." Robert looked at him worriedly. "Are you okay, Dad?" Ben grinned crookedly. "But yes! I'm just not that fast anymore."  
While the two Fraser men stood in the kitchen, Robert kept watching his father. Mom had told him that Dad wasn't well. So he had to take care of him.  
Ben explained to his son what cooking processes were, what herbs they were and what they could be used for.  
Robert grinned. "Dad?" He said, "I know that my suspension is actually a punishment for my behavior, but to be honest, I don't consider it a punishment. It's much more fun to learn with you." Ben laughed. "Don't let your mother hear that."  
After lunch, Ben suggested going to the library together. There would be a lot of books with interesting questions about the natural sciences. Robert agreed, but suggested, "Okay, Dad. But first we take a break and lie down for a while. I let Lincoln into the garden, then I'll get you a painkiller and read something to you. When you have rested a bit, we go to the library." Ben laughed and hugged his boy to him. "I love you, Dot," he said. "You're just like your mother, for that matter.“  
Embarrassed, the boy rubbed his ear. "Dad ... Mom said this morning, I'm supposed to let you sleep because your back hurts." "It's alright, son," Ben replied, "you're right." He was in quite a lot of pain and wanted to nothing better than lying down for a while. So he went into the living room and lay down on the couch. Robert let the dog out and brought the painkiller to his father. Then he sat down in the chair and began to read to him. But after a few moments Ben fell asleep. Dot smirked. He felt incredibly grown up.

Ben slept about an hour. When he woke up, he felt better. Robert was still sitting in the chair, reading. "Hey," Ben said softly. The boy raised his head and grinned. "Hi, dad. How are you feeling?" "Good," Ben replied, "I'm sorry I fell asleep. I'm probably a lousy teacher."  
Robert laughed. "You're the best teacher in the world, Dad, just sick. But that doesn't matter." "I'm not sick," Ben protested. "Shall I make you a coffee?" The boy asked. Ben sat up slowly. "No thanks. We want to go to the library, but we have to pick up your sister from school."  
Robert grinned again. "No, dad. Mom called while you were sleeping and I told her that we really wanted to go to the library, but I preferred to let you sleep because your back was bothering you. She said she sent Constable Turnbull to pick Caro up. He should take her to the consulate and we should enjoy our father-son day. You know, Dad, I love Caro, but sometimes she can be really annoying."  
Ben laughed. "Yes, that's the way it is with siblings. For a brief moment Robert saw in his father's eyes something of sadness and longing. He knew his dad had no siblings and grew up quite lonely. On occasion he would like to know more about it, but he also knew that his father didn't like talking about himself.

After father and son left the library, they went shopping for Christmas gifts. Robert said he still wanted to get presents for his sister and Mom. "And what about me?" Ben teased. The boy did secretly. "I have something very special for you."  
Ben had taught him carving last summer, and he had secretly practiced in his tree house, which Ben and Ray had built for him when he was little. Caroline also wanted to learn it, but after some failed attempts, Ben and Robert agreed that she was totally unsuitable for it. But Caro protested and they let her do it. After a while she saw it herself and lost interest. Robert had carved for his dad Diefenbaker. He had found photos of the wolf and so he could copy it true to the original. It had not been easy and he had needed several attempts, but in the end he was satisfied with the result. He hoped his father would like the gift.  
In the shopping mall, Robert found a warm, red scarf for his mom that he liked. "Look, dad," he said, "where mom always freezes so fast. And I think red suits her pretty good." Ben smiled. "Yes, son, that's right." He, too, loved it when she wore red.  
Finding a present for his sister was a bit more difficult for the boy, but in the end he found a nice bag that she would like.  
"I still need presents for Uncle Ray, Aunt Frannie, Grandma Vecchio ..." He sighed deeply. Ben grinned. "There is still some time left until Christmas, Dot. Let's have something to eat and then drive home. Mom and Caroline are probably already waiting." "Okay." The boy looked at his dad from the side. Was he fine? "Dad? We could get some take out and eat with the women at home," he suggested. Ben laughed and ruffled his son's hair.  
In a toy store, Dot found the matchbox model of a Buick Riviera in green. "Look, Dad!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, "I'll take it for Uncle Ray." "Yeah, he'll like that." Ben replied with a laugh. From a Chinese diner, they bought food and left the mall.  
It had started to snow again and Ben was in pain. He limped heavily and moved slowly. If that went on, he probably wouldn't be going to avoid the operation. Well, it was only the weather. "Dad?" Dot sounded worried. "Everything okay?" "Yes, son. It's just the weather.“ "Shall we take a taxi?" The boy offered. Ben considered. That might be a good idea, but it was so busy. Everyone seemed to want to do Christmas shopping today. It would be difficult to get a taxi.  
A car honked beside them. Robert's matchbox car in the original held next to them. "Hey, do the Fraser Boys need a ride?" Robert grinned. "Uncle Ray! Perfect! At the right moment!" He exclaimed enthusiastically. Then he explained, "You know, dad has backache ..."  
"Get in!" Ray said. Ben opened the passenger door and Dot climbed into the backseat. Then he, too, got in and carefully slipped into the passenger seat. "Hello, Ray," he said wearily, "Thanks."  
Ray grinned widely. "Well, Fraser? Not listened to the uncle doctor again and exaggerated, eh?" "Ray!" Ben said angrily. Dot frowned. "Dad? You said you're not ill." "I'm not. Uncle Ray exaggerates again." Then he turned to his friend. "Not in front of the child," he hissed. Ray shook his head.

Meg and Caroline had already expected them. Meg had tried to call Ben on his mobile, but he had left it at home. When the door opened, she was relieved.  
Robert hopped into the hallway. "Hi, Mom! Hi, Caro!" He shouted. "We brought something to eat. He took off his jacket and his boots. Caroline asked curiously: "Were you shopping? What did you buy?" She tried to look in the bags, but Robert pulled them away. "Don't be so curious," he said sternly and went to his room, followed by his sister.  
Ben bent down to take off his boots, but when he wanted to get up, he felt a sharp pain in his back and his spine blocked. He drew in a sharp breath and gasped, "Oh dear."  
Meg looked at him. "Ben!", She called in alarm and walked over to him. She took his arm and wanted to help him up. "Meg ... wait," he moaned. "What happened?" She asked and he heard the fear in her voice. "I'm afraid I got an impacted vertebra," he groaned. Then he dropped slowly to his knees, took a deep breath, rolled on his side first and then on his back. "Ben?" Meg's voice was barely audible. "Wait ..." He had his knees bent, his eyes narrowed and breathing hard.  
"Ben, I'm calling an ambulance now," Meg said firmly. "No!" He protested, "That's not necessary. It will be okay soon. Just leave me like that for a moment, will you?"  
Caroline came down the stairs and called angrily, "Mom! Robert will not let me ..."  
She stopped, startled, and stared in horror at her father lying on the floor. "Mom?" She whispered anxiously, "What's Daddy doing?" "He's stubborn." Meg replied indignantly.  
Ben opened his eyes and smiled at his daughter. "It's all alright, princess.", He said quietly, "I just dislocated my back. It'll be okay soon." Slowly he leaned on his elbows and stifled a moan. Meg took his hand and helped him up. "Oh dear," he groaned. Caroline chewed on her thumb and watched anxiously her parents. Meg propped Ben and led him slowly into the living room. She helped him to lie down on the couch. Relieved, he let out a breath. "Thanks, Meg," he said softly. Caroline went to him and squatted in front of the sofa. She stroked his hair out of his forehead and asked anxiously, "Does it hurt?" Ben smiled reassuringly. "A little, but don't worry, princess. It's OK. I just overworked myself a bit."  
Meg came into the living room, gave him painkillers and a glass of water and said, "Here, take this, Ben. I'll bring you something to eat right now." He swallowed the pain medication and replied, "Thank you, I have no appetite. But the kids should eat something.“ Meg put her hand on Caroline's shoulder and said, "Get your brother, okay?"

"Rob! Rob! Come quickly! Daddy fell over and Mom put him on the couch." Without knocking, Caroline stormed into her brother's room. He was just packing the Christmas presents. "Caro!" He exclaimed angrily, "Can't you knock like ..." He suddenly realized what she had just said. "What?" He asked irritated. "Daddy fell down the hall," the girl repeated.  
Robert dropped everything and went to the door and down the stairs. "Rob!" Caro called and followed him.  
Robert ran into the living room, where his father was lying on the sofa with a pained face and his mother gave him painkillers. "Mom! Dad! What happened?" He asked excitedly.  
Caroline stood behind him, the thumb of her left hand in her mouth, while the right kneaded her T-shirt. The girl was clearly afraid.  
"No excitement, kids," Meg said soothingly. "Your dad just pulled his back. That hurts, but it’s not dangerous. Go eat now."  
"Sure?" Robert asked undecidedly. Ben looked at his children and smiled weakly. "Yes I'm fine. Honestly. I just have to lie here for a moment." The boy was relieved, but Caroline ran tears over her face. Even though she was sometimes smart and cheeky, she was just a little girl of eight, worried about her father.  
Ben said softly, "Come here, princess." Hesitating, she walked over to him and sat on the corner of the couch. "Hey, don't cry, darling," Ben said quietly, wiping her tears with his thumb. "I'm okay, don't worry. I just moved a bit awkwardly. Tomorrow I'm like new, I promise." The girl nodded and sniffled. Then she said, "I'll stay home tomorrow and look after you, Daddy. You can stay in bed all day." Ben laughed. "Yes, you would like that. You go to school good and study hard."  
Caroline frowned. "But..."  
Meg entered the living room and interrupted: "Go eat, child. Your dad needs some rest." "Meg. "Ben said indignantly, "She's worried." Meg smiled. "It's okay, Caro. Go eat now, I'll be right there."  
But the girl had another question: "Does Daddy go to the hospital?" Oh dear! Even the kids strained that. "No, sweetheart.", Meg replied softly, "He just has to rest and take his medicine, then he'll be well soon." "How soon?" Caroline asked. Ben intervened: “Tomorrow, princess."  
With that answer she was satisfied and went to the kitchen. Meg shook her head. "You don't believe that yourself, Benton Fraser." He grinned crookedly.

When the kids were in bed, Meg sat down on the couch with her husband. "Are you sleeping?" She asked. "No," he answered. "Should I massage you?" "Oh yes." Meg laughed. Carefully, Ben turned on his stomach. He groaned and moaned. "Oh, Ben." Meg said resignedly. She pushed his shirt up and put her hands on his back. "Where does it hurt?" She asked, starting to knead the tense muscles. "Everywhere," he answered. When she touched his scar, he jerked and drew a sharp breath through his teeth. "Hm," Meg said, "That's what I thought.“ "Meg ..." "Maybe you should think about an operation?" "No!", He called. "No way! I don't want to go through all that again. The wheelchair, the therapies, the re-learning, pain, relapses, disappointments ... I have experienced enough in the last twelve years. It's is enough. I don't want that anymore."  
Meg could understand him. She had been at his side the whole time. "It's okay, Ben," she said.  
There was a time when she had urged him to undergo surgery. Their relationship would almost be broken. It had been very hard for both of them. At that time, Meg had been afraid that he would pull himself back into his shell, from which she had finally lured him out.  
Frannie once said that he had lived in a snow globe all these years. That was a good comparison.  
The last few years have been good. Happy. Ben made her happy, in his very special way. It wasn't always all sunshine, there were also hard times, but he was mostly healthy. He was fine. In the past five years, only two hospital stays have been necessary and only for control. But now the whole thing should start again? That scared her. And apparently him too, so he resisted. That was one of his protections, which he had adopted in his childhood.  
If I ignore it, it never happened. That's why he had never really handled the traumas of his childhood. Oh Ben…

"Mom?" Caroline's voice took her out of her thoughts. The girl stood in her pink "Hello Kitty" pajamas in the door, her teddy in her arms and barefoot. She looked at her mother with her coffee brown eyes. Meg smiled. "What is it, child? You should sleep at this time, tomorrow you have school.“ "I can't sleep," the child muttered. "Come here," Meg said. Caroline went to her and climbed onto her lap. Meg gave her a kiss and stroked her cheek. "What's up, honey?" She asked. "Is Daddy okay?" The child whispered, looking at her father, who had fallen asleep and snored softly. "Yeah, he's okay," Meg reassured her. "He's feeling much better. You really don't have to worry, sweetheart.“  
"Can I sleep with you tonight, Mom?" Caroline asked, begging. Meg had to smile. This kid was cheeky and cocky most of the time, but now she was worried about her beloved daddy. "You know, sweetheart, I think that's not such a good idea," she told her daughter, "Daddy needs room for his back. If he has back pain, he has to constantly turn around and then even I have limited space.“  
In fact, she was afraid that Ben moaned again in his sleep and didn't want Caroline to know that. That would only scare her more. It had shocked her when she saw her father lying on the floor in the hallway.  
"But I don't want to be alone," the child whispered, and a touch of her otherwise rebellious nature came to the fore again. Meg hugged her and tenderly said, "Do you know what? I'll put you to bed and, for once, Lincoln may stay with you. Then I'll get your daddy to bed, okay?" The girl nodded in agreement.

Meg woke up in the middle of the night as Ben groaned and rolled around. That's what she expected. "Ben!" She shook his shoulder. "Ben! Wake up!" He blinked, then opened his eyes. "What?" He asked confused. "You moan," she replied, switching on the light.  
Ben blinked again. "I'm sorry," he said, "you need your sleep. Maybe it's better if I sleep on the couch?"  
He sat up as a sharp pain ran through his back. "Ow, damn!" He cursed and dropped back into the pillow. Next mistake! He cried out in pain. "Sorry," he murmured, narrowing his eyes and pressing his hands to his mouth.  
Meg stared at him in shock. Then she stood up and said firmly, "Okay, Benton, that's enough! Apparently you hurt yourself worse than you initially suspected. I'll call an ambulance now." "No!" He contradicted. "Yes!", Meg said, putting on her bathrobe and walking to the door. Oh dear, thought Ben. "Meg!" He shouted, but she ignored him. "Meg ... Meg ... Meg!" "What ?!" she snapped and turned around. He grinned. That worked for Ray too.  
"Meg, wait," he said, "Caroline is so scared enough, we don't have to scare her more. Get me some painkillers, please, and tomorrow morning, on the way to the consulate, you'll drop me off at the doctor's. I’m aware that something’s wrong and that a doctor should look at it, but it's NOT an emergency. Please, Meg." She sighed. "All right, for my sake.“

"Where's Dad?" Caroline asked at breakfast. "He's still sleeping," Meg replied. "Is he okay?" Meg smiled. "He has to go to the doctor, but it's okay." She stroked her daughter's hair. Robert looked at his mother with wide eyes. Meg said to Caroline, "If we drop you off at school, I'll take Dad to the doctor. After that I drive to the consulate. Robert, you go to the Vecchios." The boy nodded. "Good," Meg said, "I'll wake your dad now."  
Ben came into the kitchen with slow, stiff movements. He wasn't wearing his uniform as usual, but jeans and shirt. Meg had to help him get dressed. He could barely move in pain, but he didn't want his kids to know. Carefully he sat down at the table. "Good morning, kids," he said, trying to smile, but it was more like a grimace of pain.  
"How are you, Daddy?" Caroline asked, but before he could answer, her brother said, "That's a weird question. That's obvious." Then he picked up his breakfast dishes, got up and put them in the sink.  
Meg handed Ben his oatmeal. "Eat something," she said. He had no appetite, but still ate a few spoons full. Caro had that fearful expression again. "Do you need to go to the hospital, daddy?" She asked softly. "I don't think so, Princess," he replied. "The doctor will give me an injection and tell me to rest.“  
From the door Robert replied, "What you will ignore, because you have to take care of your son, who was suspended from school by his own stupidity and it'll make it worse."  
Stunned, the remaining family members stared at him. Ben was the first to recover. “Dot!", He said seriously, "It's not your fault! You can't even think of something like that! When I was about to take off my shoes last night, I made an awkward move and distorted my back, that's all. This has nothing to do with you, do you understand what I'm saying?" "Hm." The boy grunted, not really convinced. Then he let the dog out and got his things. Meg said to her husband, "He's just YOUR son." Ben grinned.

The doctor diagnosed a jammed vertebra and a muscle strain in Ben's back. He actually gave him an injection for the pain and prescribed him some ointment. He should also rest and treat his back with heat. "Then that should be better in a few days," the doctor said. "If not, come back. And, Ben ... you should seriously think about a scar correction. It has grown too much tissue over the years. Nothing unusual for such injuries, but just so close to the spine makes it even more problems. But we've already talked about that." "I don't want surgery anymore.", Ben said, "It would basically just be a cosmetic correction.“  
The doctor shook his head. "No, Ben. The tissue squeezes nerves and vertebrae, repeatedly causing inflammation and significant pain. But you know that." Ben grinned crookedly. "I know, Doctor. it's just ... I don't think I'd go through this whole procedure again. I mean, with a wheelchair and everything.“  
The doctor could understand him. "Listen, Ben, I don't think the wheelchair will be necessary. The technology has evolved over the years and made great progress. You hardly have to cut in such cases. Such tissue growths can be lasered today, which is gentler on the patient. However, a detailed examination is necessary beforehand. If you wish, I’ll make an appointment with the surgeon. You can still decide if you want to get surgery."  
Ben agreed. The doctor wanted to call if he had an appointment.  
As the syringe struck well and Ben had almost no more pain, he decided to walk home.  
Like his son, he loved the snow and it was a cold but sunny day. Just right for a Canadian, he thought with a grin.  
On the way he wanted to get in a pharmacy, get the ointment that had prescribed the doctor and then pick up Dot at the Vecchios, before he went home. He decided to stick to the doctor's instructions this time and take things easy. Alone, so that Caroline wasn't afraid and Robert didn't feel guilty anymore.  
These kids! He smiled and decided to go home through the park.

On the way through the park he thought about what the doctor had said. It would be better if he had surgery. Well, he had to admit that he had had significant problems in the last few weeks. And it got worse. The doctor said that they could possibly lasers the proliferating tissue away. That would be gentler and he would recover faster. But most importantly, he wouldn't need the wheelchair. He wanted to talk to Meg about it.

"Hello.", Someone greeted and tore Ben from his thoughts. He looked up in amazement. "Hello, Joshua," he said, "why aren't you at school?" The boy grinned. "I'm suspended, remember?"  
Oh yes. The director hadn't only suspended his son, but also the other two delinquents. Ben noticed that the boy had a black eye and a swollen zygomatic bone. He pointed to Joshua's face and asked, "Was that Robert?" For a moment, the boy seemed confused. He touched his face carefully. "What? No! ... No, I messed around with my brother and ran against the door. It's okay." Ben didn't believe him and looked at him with that blue Mountie look. Embarrassed, the boy looked down. "Honestly," he said softly, "It wasn't Robert." That, in turn, Ben believed him.  
"Fine," he said, leaving the matter for the moment. "What do you do all day if you don't go to school?"  
He noticed that the boy was about to run, but he wanted to prevent that. He put his arm around his shoulders in a friendly way. "Nothing," said Joshua. "Have you already had lunch?" Ben asked. The boy shook his head and thought of it when Ben invited him and Robert to dinner, even though they had beaten and suspended from school. That had unsettled him.  
Normally he would have had to punish his son.  
His own mother had been sad when he told her about his suspension and she felt sorry for him. He hated it when she was sad. She said his father wasn't allowed to know that, but yesterday the school called and his father had be at home and answered the phone. That was why he had the black eye.  
He was able to escape and hide in a vacant building, otherwise his drunken father might have killed him.  
This morning he had been near the school and met his sister. She told him that his mother had tried to calm her father, but only had to take blows herself.  
"I'm going to kill him," Joshua had grunted angrily, "One day I'm going to kill him." "What?" His sister had asked because she hadn’t understood him, but he had just said, "Tell Mom, it I’m okay."  
Ben brought him out of his thoughts. "Do you know what, Joshua? Robert is with friends because his mom works and I had an appointment with the doctor. My friend is a police officer and his mother can cook wonderfully. They’re Italian. Do you like Italian food?" Josh looked at him skeptically. Oh, he liked every food! He was very hungry and had thought about stealing food. But that way he could legally get a hot meal.  
The only thing that bothered him was that the friend Robert was with was a police officer. For a moment, Josh had thought of confiding in the father of his classmate. He was also a police officer, but not a real one. Well, maybe, but only in Canada. Or in the funny consulate where he usually worked.  
"Well, what is it?" Ben asked. Joshua looked at him sheepishly. "Is your friend, the policeman, also there?", He wanted to know. Ben laughed. "No, he has to work. Are you afraid of the police? "The boy shook his head vigorously. "Nah, why should I?" "I just thought.", Ben replied, "Do you want to go with me?" Josh shoved his hands into the pockets of his dirty jacket and said slowly and stretched, "Ookaay ..." as if doing Ben a favor with it, if he agreed. "Good," Ben said, moving. Joshua walked alongside and asked, "Well, where's your car?" Ben laughed. "We walk. I don't have a car."  
Josh had stopped and looked at him skeptically. “You're kidding, right?" "No." Ben laughed. “B ... but ..." "But what? You're still young and have two healthy legs, son. You'll be able to do it on foot." The boy grinned widely. "I do," he said challengingly. "Oh ...," Ben said, rubbing his brow, "It honors you to think of me, but I'm okay, thanks. I've been limping for over ten years. Or did you hope for a drive?"  
Josh laughed. Busted! But he would never admit that. "Oh no!" He shouted indignantly, "I'm just worried about your health!" Ben grinned. "I understand that, Joshua and I thank you. That was certainly the reason why you imitated my limp and then Robert fought with you. He only misunderstood that.“  
Ui, what a swipe! But Ben couldn't help it. Joshua was a smart and clever boy. He would understand. And indeed. Josh blushed. "I'm sorry," he said softly. Ben put his hand on his shoulder again and said, "It's alright, Joshua. I know that you’re basically not bad." "Oh yes? Where from?"Josh sounded aggressive. "Well," Ben said, "I used to be a kid, too." The boy groaned. This Mr Fraser was so different from other adults. He was kind of cool. And he beat neither his children nor his wife. If Josh was honest, he was almost a bit jealous of Robert, who had him as his father.  
Suddenly Ben called, "Hey, Joshua! Look!" He pointed upward and as the boy looked up, Ben pulled on the hanging branch of a tree. The snow brushed the branch and Joshua's face. He snorted and started to laugh. "Mean!", He shouted and quickly formed a snowball, which he threw at Ben. He struggled and they romped laughing through the snow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua gets an invitation from the Vecchios and then gets to study with Robert. Homeschooling is much more fun than school. He admires Ben and actually wants to be friends with Robert. But does Robert want that, too?

"Benito," Ma Vecchio shouted as she opened the door, "You sure want to pick up the Puntino." Then she noticed Joshua hiding behind Ben. "And who’s the young man?" She asked. Josh was a bit embarrassed. Ashamed, he looked down. Ben answered, "This is Joshua, one of the young men who has a fight with ... Robert."  
He didn't want to call his son by his nickname in Josh's presence. That would be uncomfortable.  
"Come in," Ma said, "The food is ready soon." Josh held close to Ben. Ma exclaimed, "Puntino! You have visitors!"  
Robert came to the kitchen. "Hi, Dad.", He greeted. "What does the doctor say?" Then he saw Joshua and frowned. Ben said, "It's okay, son. Look, who I brought." Josh grinned sheepishly. "Hi, Rob. I met your dad in the park and he took me with him.", he explained.  
Robert remembered that the other boy was always hungry and secretly stealing food from others. Surely that was why his dad had brought him. Granny always had enough to eat. "Hi, Josh," he said. Ma took Ben's hand and pulled him into the hallway. "You were at the doctor?" She asked worriedly. "Are you sick, mi caro?" "No, I'm fine," Ben answered. "Yesterday I had a impacted vertebrae, but now I'm fine. Ma, listen, this boy there ... he needs help. I think he’s beaten at home and gets too little food. This was oil in Mas's fire. "Oh, poor kid!" She called, "I'll take care of him.“  
Robert and Josh sat at the table and didn't know what to do or say. They went to the same class but didn't have much in common. "What about your eye?" Asked Robert, who was uncomfortable with the silence. "Nothing," Josh replied. "Was that me?" Robert didn't let up. Energetically, Joshua shook his head. "No. That's what your dad asked me too. I messed around with my brother and I crashed into the closet," he explained.  
"I thought it was a door?" They heard Ben ask behind them. Both boys suddenly turned around. Ben stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. Josh blushed and stammered, "Um ... it was a door. A ... a closet door." He grinned. Ben raised his eyebrows and looked at the boy with his Mountie gaze.  
Robert thought, 'Oh, oh ... now you're in trouble ...'  
"So, kids!" Ma Vecchio came into the kitchen. "Go, wash your hands, the food is ready." The two boys jumped up and Robert pulled Joshua to the bathroom. "Man, you were lucky now," he said as they washed their hands. "Why?", Josh asked innocently. Robert looked at him with the same blue look his father did earlier.  
"Dad can tell right away if someone … fibs," he said. The word "lie" seemed too hard. "What's that supposed to mean?" Joshua asked angrily, "That I'm lying?" "Josh ..." "Are you saying I'm a liar, Fraser?" "No! No, I do not think you are a liar in principle. I think you just want to protect somebody."  
Now Josh became really aggressive. He couldn't accept that one at the same age had seen through him. "I don't think that's your business, Fraser!" He exclaimed angrily. "Your dad is cool. he even did a snowball fight with me, but you? You're a smartass and a show-off! That's why you don't have any friends!" He stomped out of the bathroom.  
Robert stood there thunderstruck and didn't know what he should think.  
Joshua went into the kitchen and took his jacket, which hung over the back of a chair. Ma and Ben looked at him in surprise. He grinned, but Ben saw the sadness and anger in his eyes as well. "Josh?" He asked. "I have to go, Mr. Fraser.", Answered Joshua, "Thanks for everything. Goodbye, Mrs Vecchio."  
But Ma was already with him and grabbed him by the collar. "Oh, no, no, no, mi caro!", She protested in the best Vecchio way. "You will not go anywhere unless you have eaten well. Sit down!" She pushed him to the table and pushed him into a chair. "But ..." he objected weakly, staring at the fragrant spaghetti Alfredo.  
"Puntino!" Ma shouted, "Come on! The food is getting cold!" Dot came down to the kitchen, head down. "What's going on?" Ben asked sternly. "Nothing," Robert replied quietly, but his father didn't believe him. Something had happened in the bathroom. "Have you had a fight?" Ma asked. Robert shook his head. "No, Granny." Josh looked at him strangely. Why didn't he say that he, Josh, had called him a smartass and a show-off? And why did he call Mrs. Vecchio Granny? Wasn't she the mother of Mr Fraser's friend Ray, the cop? Well, what did he care.  
"Eat, boys," said Ma. You didn't have to say that twice to Josh and he scooped it up. Ben shook his head and Ma smiled.  
After eating, Ben asked Joshua, "Where are you going now?" The boy shrugged. He definitely didn't want to go home. "Are you learning?" Ben asked. “How if I'm not allowed to go to school?", Mumbled Josh. Ben put his hand on his shoulder. "You know," he said, "I'm learning with Robert. If you want, you can come and try it. If you don't like it, you can always leave." Joshua stared at him with wide eyes. What did that mean? Was he serious? An adult who gave him the choice, whether he wanted to learn or not? So Robert was strange, but his father ...? Even if he didn't like to admit it, he wished he had such a father.  
"Dad!" Robert said reproachfully. Actually, he didn't want this boy to come home with him. Learning with Dad was his private pleasure. He didn't want to share that with anyone, especially not with that filthy boy who had called him a show-off.  
Josh realized that Robert didn't seem to agree with the offer and only to annoy him, he agreed.  
Well, not only for that reason. He liked Robert's dad. Benton. A funny name. Well, the Frasers also came from Canada.  
"Okay," he said with a shrug, "I can give it a try." He grinned at Robert. "Perfect!", Ben exclaimed enthusiastically. "Then let's go home.“

They sat at Fraser's kitchen table and learned. And Joshua did seem interested. Lincoln seemed to like him too, he didn't leave his side. After about an hour, Ben said, "Okay, men! Time for a break. Ice Cream?" Without thinking, Josh called, "Oh, yes!" It was a long time ago when he last had ice cream. Ben laughed. "Very good." He didn't even wait for Robert's answer.  
Slowly he stood up and winced as he felt a sharp pain in his back, reminding him that he had forgotten to take his medicine. "Dad?" Robert asked worriedly. Ben smiled and limped to the fridge. Robert jumped up. "Wait, Dad, I'll help you." Ben grinned. “It's okay, son, your old father has to move a bit." He filled ice cream in two bowls and put them on the table for the kids. Then he went to the kitchen cupboard where he kept his medication. He filled a glass with water and took the various tablets out of the packs. Robert saw Josh watching his father.  
"Would you like ice cream too, Mr. Fraser?" Josh asked. Ben swallowed his medicine and replied, "No thanks, Joshua, I have my own dessert." He laughed and held up one of the medicine packs.  
Robert said: "Antibiotics and dairy products are not compatible." Josh stared at him. “Ah.", He said. This Robert was such a smartass. But for his dad he was sorry. He had to take so many medicines. The boy wanted to know what was wrong with him. "That's right." Ben said and sat back down at the table. "And that brings us back to the natural sciences."  
Ben looked at the clock quite a while later. "Oh dear!" He called, "I have to pick Caroline up from school." The boys looked at him. Josh said, "Okay, I'll go now. Thank you, Mr. Fraser. Learning with you was much more exciting than at school. Thanks, Robert.“ Robert was confused and Ben smiled. "Oh, thank you, Joshua. But you don't have to go if you don't want to. Lincoln has to get out and you two can go with him into the garden. And then you can play in Robert's room if you want. If you have no obligations, you can stay for dinner, Joshua. Then I'll take you home. You also don't have to walk. Until then, Robert's mother is home, she has the car." Josh grinned.  
"Gladly. If Rob doesn't mind," he replied.  
Robert was even more confused. What was this boy doing? One of the biggest class hooligans in the whole elementary school. Why was he so nice suddenly? Did he want to push himself into his family? Was it his fault, having an intact, loving family and Joshua not?  
And why did his dad care about this neglected, ragged, starving boy? Robert was ashamed. He was jealous. He sighed deeply. “You can stay with me.“

Robert showed Joshua his room. "It's nothing special," he said. He didn't want Josh to call him a show-off again. He was no show-off. Joshua ran his finger over the bookshelf. "A lot of books," he stated. Robert rubbed his eyebrow. "Well, I like to read," he said. "Hm.", Josh said. Then he discovered a box of Lego bricks. "Cool!" He called and pulled out the box. "Let's build something, Rob!" Robert groaned inwardly. Lego! That was still from his toddler days! Well, actually, he got it for his birthday last year and if he was honest, he liked to play with it. "Okay," he said, "Do you enjoy playing with Lego?" Josh shrugged.  
"Haven't tried it that often." Rob frowned. The boy had many siblings. Someone had to play with Lego. "Do you have Lego at home?" Robert asked. "Sure!", Shouted Josh, "Lots! Much more than you!" Rob nodded. Somehow he had the feeling that the other was lying. As they played, Josh suddenly said, "Your dad's cool, Fraser." "Well ..." Robert said, "Sometimes he's embarrassing, too." He grinned. Josh laughed. "Most parents are embarrassing."  
"My dad is doing a lot with us. He taught me to do the carving last summer." Rob said," Is your dad doing something with you too?"  
Josh got angry. "Sometimes. But he has little time. He has to work, after all, he has a large family to feed." Rob nodded again. "Don't get upset, Josh. I understand that. My dad works too. When he's not sick ... like now."  
Robert sounded somehow sad. Josh asked softly, "May I ask you something, Rob?" Dot wondered how quickly his classmate could change his mood. "Sure.", He answered.  
"What about your dad? I mean, he has to take a lot of pills and so ..." "Well," said Robert, "he doesn't always have to take that many, just now, because he has kidney problems again. That happens sometimes. I think he has an infection or something. He often has infections."  
Robert felt somehow relieved because he could finally talk to someone about it. Especially with someone the same age. Josh looked at him and blinked. "Does he ... does he have cancer or something?" He asked hesitantly. "My uncle died of cancer. He also always had infections until his organs failed."  
Robert stared at him in horror. "No!", He called, "No, dad has no cancer or anything like that, he was shot, about twelve years ago, I wasn't even born then, he didn't even know my mom yet, he had the bullet in his back for a few years until he fell off the apple tree at the Vecchios and the bullet had shifted. Then it could be taken out. That was probably not possible before, because it was lodging too close to his spine. He could have been paralyzed or even dying. He even sat in the wheelchair for a while.  
The wheelchair is still in the chamber under the stairs. My parents bought the house here because it was already converted for disabled people. You've probably seen the stairlift and all that. Sometimes Dad even uses it. If he has a bad day. When the bullet was removed, any nerves were damaged, so he limps. His leg is a bit crippled, but that's gotten better. I only know him like that. Uncle Ray says dad used to run incredibly fast. And he's always jumped on moving cars and stuff like that, but I can't imagine that. He certainly says so, so I'm proud of Dad. But I always be. Uncle Ray sometimes tells stories from the past about what he and Dad experienced. I think he exaggerates. The stories sound like action movies." Rob laughed.  
Josh had listened intently. Then he asked, "Did they catch him?" Confused, Rob looked at him. "Who?" "The one who shot your dad."  
Embarrassed Robert rubbed his ear and muttered, "It was Uncle Ray."  
Silence.  
Then Josh exclaimed in horror, "What?! And he’s still his friend?" Rob grinned. "It wasn't his intention. It was an accident." "Oh.", Josh said, "How did that happen?" Robert sighed. "I don't know that. Nobody talks about it." "Hm," Joshua said, rubbing his chin. "Do we want to find out? We could play a little detective." Rob thought about it. That could be interesting. "Okay, why not?" He agreed.

In the evening, Josh met Robert's mom. He liked her, but Rob's little sister was really annoying. She asked him all sorts of strange questions. "Do you really have seven siblings, Josh?" "So what?" He answered. "That has to be cool!", Caroline exclaimed enthusiastically. "May I visit you?"  
Luckily Meg called them for dinner. After the meal, Ben offered Joshua to drive him home. The boy agreed. The waves had surely calmed down in the meantime, especially as he brought food. Ma Vecchio had set it properly.  
Maybe his father wasn't home or drunk enough to sleep. Yes, at this time it was safe to go home.  
"I want to come with you!" Caroline croaked, but Meg said, "Oh no. That would suit you. Did you do your homework?" The girl groaned and went to her room. To Joshua, she said, "Will you come back tomorrow, Josh? It's about time that Rob has friends.“ Ben grinned and Robert gave his sister a look.  
Joshua wasn't his friend!   
He was ... whatever...


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua experiences his father's violence again and how he attacks his mother . When he sees the fear in the eyes of his younger siblings, a fuse burns in him, causing him to make a terrible mistake that will be completely change the life of his family.

Joshua thanked Ben for driving him home. Ben told him he was always welcome to the Frasers. The boy got out of the car and followed him until he disappeared into the darkness.  
He sighed.  
Why couldn't he have a family like the Frasers? Or like the Vecchios? He crept quietly into the house. His mother and older sister were sitting in the kitchen.  
"Hi.", Josh said with a grin. His mother got up. "Josh!" She exclaimed with relief, "Thank goodness! Where were you? Where have you been all day?" "With a ... schoolmate," the boy replied. He almost said "friend". It would be nice if he and Robert Fraser were friends. But Rob didn't want to be friends with him.  
"I brought something to eat," he said, putting the bag of boxes on the table. "Did you beg?" His sister asked. "No!", He exclaimed indignantly. He would never give himself this nakedness. "No, Robert's grandmother gave it to me. Well, she isn't his real grandmother." He was a bit confused about the situation himself. "She always cooks too much, says Robert."  
"This Robert, who is that?" His mother asked. "Robert Fraser. We're at the same class. He’s also suspended. We had a fight." He grinned. "But he's okay. And his dad is cool. He’s a mountie. From Canada. But he works here at the Canadian Consulate because he has a crippled leg. He was shot in the back when Rob was not born yet. And the strangest thing is, it was his friend.“  
"What are you talking for a nonsense?" His sister said angrily and began to unpack the food. "Hmmm ... smells delicious," she said as she opened one of the boxes. Josh grinned. "And for dessert there is Tiramisu.", He said, "Have you ever eaten that? It tastes incredibly good. And Robert can have that every day. We also learned with Mr. Fraser. He can talk so exciting, so the lessons are really fun."  
His mother sighed. "Keep the friend warm, boy. It's the first time you learn voluntarily. And now get your siblings and wash your hands. There’s supper. "Josh said," That's all for you, Mom. I've already eaten at the Frasers.“

Josh lay under the covers and read. He had a flashlight with him. So he wouldn't disturb his younger brothers, with whom he shared a room.  
"Treasure Island," the book had been given to him by Robert's father. It was really exciting. Just as Jim was hiding in the apple-barrel and listening to the pirates, he heard the front door open and his drunken dad walk in.  
"Tom, be quiet, the kids are sleeping," he heard his mother say. Well, his big brother Brian wasn't home and his big sister didn't count. Besides, she had the baby she needed to protect. His two eldest siblings had moved out long ago and had their own families. So he was the oldest at the moment. His five and seven year old brothers John and Joey slept with him in a room. His three year old sister Chloe slept with her parents.  
He switched off the flashlight and curled up under the blanket. Now he felt like Jim in the apple barrel.  
Then he heard his father rumble in the kitchen. "Elisa, why isn't there any beer in the house? And what is this?"  
A hot lump formed in Josh's stomach. "Be quiet, Tom," he heard his mother beg. "You tell ME what I have to do?" His father shouted. "Why isn't there any beer?" "We have little money for food," his mother interjected. "And that's why you're begging?"  
Joshua heard his father throwing Mrs. Vecchio's plastic boxes around. "That was a gift from friends," his mother said softly. "Friends! Bah!", His father shouted contemptuously and Josh had to think again of Jim and the pirates. And of the Frasers.  
Mr. Fraser would never talk to his wife like that.  
"Where is that, Elisa?" Tom shouted.  
Joshua knew he now had to leave his protective apple-barrel and face the pirates.  
Mr. Fraser was a hero. Mr Fraser had always supported the disadvantaged, Mrs. Vecchio had told him. Now it was time he stood his own ground too.  
"Josh?" He heard little Joey whimper. "Shh ..." he said, "Sleep." "I'm scared, Josh." "Me too," John cried. "Pop will hit Mom again." The two boys cried.  
Suddenly a hot anger rose in Joshua. It didn't work like that.  
Suddenly a hot anger rose in Joshua. It didn't work that way.  
In the kitchen, Tom yelled at his wife, "You fucking bitch! Must also go begging for food! Does that mean that Tom Hendriks can't feed his family?" Then two short strikes, Elisa's outcry and then whimpering. "Tom, please ..." "Yes, still beg, you damned carrion!"  
Something shattered in ten-year-old Joshua.  
He heard his brothers crying, heard little Chloe screaming in the parents' bedroom and his mother whimpering in the kitchen.

That was enough!  
It was enough!  
That wasn't normal!  
As it is with the Frasers, it was normal!  
Fathers loved their children and their mothers.  
They didn't beat them!

He slipped out of bed, lay down on his stomach and groped his way under the bed. There it was! He had put an iron bar under his bed some time ago. Just for safety. For his protection.  
"Josh?" Joey piped as his big brother walked to the door. Josh replied, "Shh. Be quiet. It will be alright. I will not let anything happen to you."  
He went to the kitchen. His mother crouched, bleeding and whimpering in a corner. His father stood over her and hit her.  
Josh blowed the fuse. He jumped up to his father and slammed the iron bar on his head.  
His rage over years, his seething hatred, all that was in the blow. His father fell like a felled tree.  
"Leave her alone, you fucking son of a bitch!" The boy yelled. "Leave us alone!" Blindly, he struck again and again.  
"Josh ..." he heard his mother whimper.  
"Oh, God, Joshua!" His big sister's panic scream stopped him. He dropped the iron bar as if it were burning hot and stared at his father lying on the floor. His father's face was covered in blood and hardly recognizable. For a few seconds Josh stood there frozen, then he ran past his big sister in his room.  
He turned on the light. The two little ones sat in their beds and stared at him with wide eyes.  
Joey beeped, "Did you kill the monster, Josh?" Josh looked at his brother. Yes. Joey was right. It was a monster he had fought against. No father. He nodded. "Yes, Joey. The monster is dead. Now you’re free. But I have to go."  
He hurriedly dressed, dumped the contents of his schoolbag carelessly on the floor, and stuffed some belongings into it.  
"Where are you going?" John asked softly. "I don't know. Stay in the room until Mom or Steph pick you up, okay? Promise me! And don't be afraid. All is good. The monster will never come back."  
The boys nodded anxiously. "Well. Stay here. And one thing you must never forget ... I love you, okay?" "Hmmm ..."  
Josh stuffed "Treasure Island" and his flashlight into his schoolbag and then climbed out the window.

He ran aimlessly through the dark streets. He didn't care if it was dangerous. 'I killed him!' Pounded it in his head. Ten years old and already a murderer. But Joey was right, it was a monster. He had killed a monster that had terrorized his family for years. That couldn't be bad. He saw his mother crouching in the corner, bleeding and whimpering, seeing the fear in his brothers' eyes, hearing the panic in his sister's voice. No, he wasn't a bad person. He only freed his family from a monster.  
He suddenly realized that he was standing in front of the Fraser house. The windows were dark. Sure, it had to be in the middle of the night. He was cold. The tears on his face felt cold.

What now? Should he ring the bell? At this time? What should he say? What would Mr. Fraser do? Surely he would take him to the police station and then? He didn't want to go to jail.  
He needed a hiding place. Somewhere where he could gather his thoughts and think his next steps. The tree house came to mind. Robert had shown him his tree house. It even had a door. Very good! He could stay there for the first time. And he wouldn't leave any traces in the snow, because he had been in the garden with Robert and his dog this afternoon and also in the tree house. Besides, it hadn’t snowed since, so he was safe there.  
He glanced around, climbed over the fence, and scurried across the garden to the tree house. Then he unrolled his sleeping bag and snuggled inside. He took his book and the flashlight. Maybe Jim Hawkins could help him organize his thoughts?

Ben couldn't sleep. Apart from the fact that his leg kept him awake, he had to think of this Joshua. That the boy had problems was obvious. But how could he help him? He rolled around in bed. His back ached and his leg hammered and throbbed. Groaning he sat up, pushed his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his cramping thigh.  
"Ben?", He heard Meg's sleepy voice. "Hm," he answered. "What's going on?" She asked. "I can't sleep," he replied. "Pain?" "Hm, looks like it. But I always have to think about this Joshua." "Oh, Ben!" Meg sat up. "You have won his trust, that's something. You can't save the whole world." "Still, Meg. I can't shake the feeling that there's more. Ray did some research." "Ben, stop it. Come back to bed. I'll massage your leg if you want." "Sounds good." He lay down again.  
At some point Meg fell asleep, but Ben was awake. He looked at the clock. Five. Oh man. Maybe he could walk a little? Although he doubted that his leg would join in today. But he could try it. If it hadn’t snowed fresh.  
quietly, so as not to wake Meg, he got up and went to the window. It hadn’t snowed again. The footprints left by the boys and the dog in the garden yesterday were still visible. The moon shone and illuminated the garden. The snow reflected the light. It looked peaceful. A sense of homesickness came up in him. He sighed. Then he said to himself: Don't be silly, Fraser! You can forget that. Your home’s here now. Forget your beloved wilderness. With the disability you have no chance there, accept that finally! Then he saw a light flicker in Robert's tree house …

What’s that? He was surprised. Who was hanging around at five o'clock in the cold winter night out there? Or did the guys forgot a switched on lamp while playing yesterday? But the light moved. "Hm," Ben said, rubbing his brow with his thumb. Strange…  
He pulled on the tracksuit and walked to the door. Then he put on his boots, picked up the flashlight from the hook by the door, which was always there in case of power failure, and called for Lincoln. Then they went to the garden.

Joshua had a little doze but couldn't really sleep. He was freezing terribly. The sleeping bag was made for kids summer camping, but not for such arctic temperatures. Besides, the pictures came back when he closed his eyes.  
His mother, crouching in the corner whimpering, his sister staring at him, pale, wide-eyed, the little brothers anxiously crouched in their beds ... But most of all the battered skull of the ... monster.  
"Did you kill the monster, Josh?" Joey had asked. Yes, he had defeated the monster. Who kills a monster is a hero, not a murderer.  
The boy was shivering with cold. He got up, turned on the flashlight, and did some gymnastics. Movement keeps you warm. He hopped up and down. What should he do next? Wait until it gets light. Somehow he had to attract Robert's attention. Robert could bring him some blankets and something to eat. And maybe hot tea? Or even cocoa? No, that was asking too much. Tea was ok. Still, what would he give for a cup of hot cocoa now? He sighed and hopped up and down. Would Robert help him at all? Or would he tell his father? Robert's dad was okay, but he was a cop. He would have to arrest him. But Joshua didn't want to go to jail. He loved his freedom. Okay, if Mr. Fraser wanted to arrest him, he could run away. Mr. Fraser wouldn't be able to follow him with his sick leg. Robert had told him the story. Only yesterday. They wanted to play detective and now he was in the middle of a real criminal case. One in which he was the killer.  
He suddenly started to sob. Tears ran down his face. He wasn't a hero like Jim Hawkins from “Treasure Island“. He wasn't a murderer either. He was just a small, frightened boy who had made a terrible mistake out of sheer desperation. He snuggled back into the sleeping bag and curled up.

Lincoln rushed through the snow to the tree house, placing his front paws on the lowest rung of the ladder and barking madly. "Lincoln, what's up?" Ben shouted, limping cautiously closer.  
Startled, Josh shot up because a dog barked. He had just fallen asleep. The barking was very close. Lincoln! That could only be Robert's dog Lincoln. Okay, that was harmless. He knew him. Only, what did he do out here?  
Ben hid behind the tree trunk and waited. The dog was behaving wildly, but Ben knew that someday the one in the treehouse would look out. He also knew that if the mysterious tree house dweller tried to escape, he wouldn't have a chance to persecute him with his bad leg, so he had to tackle it cunningly. He had trained himself over the years.  
Benton Fraser makes the best of every situation, Ray once said. An unshakable optimist. If he knew ...  
Joshua carefully peeked out the window of the tree house but could see nothing. He looked over at the Fraser house, but everything was dark. Maybe Lincoln had slept in his doghouse and just noticed him? After all, his father had been an Arctic half-wolf, Robert had said, so what spoke against that the Husky slept outside?  
"Shh!" Josh shouted, "Be quiet, Lincoln! Don't wake everyone!" The dog stopped barking and panting. Ben frowned. A child's voice? And the child knew the dog? Well, hopefully not one of his kids! He couldn't clearly identify the voice by the barking of the dog. Robert? Would the boy do such nonsense? Well, Robert was like him. He loved nature and camping. But in the winter? Should that be an experiment? So, if Robert was...  
The door of the tree house opened a crack and a head covered with a hood appeared. Lincoln began to bark again and jumped back and forth.  
"Out!" The child called. "Please, Lincoln, be quiet." The child's voice sounded desperate and frightened. And it was not Robert. Then the child pulled the hood off his head. A blond mop of hair came to light. "Lincoln, it's me. Joshua. Robert's friend.", hissed the boy.  
Joshua! Ben was startled. What the…  
At first he wanted to make himself known, but then he waited. There certainly was a reason why the boy was sitting in Fraser's tree house in the middle of the night. Something must have happened. Ben didn't want to scare the boy, because if he ran away, he had no chance to follow him.  
Slowly the boy climbed down the ladder and talked to the dog all the time. Lincoln wagged his tail and jumped whimpering around. Ben retreated deeper into the shadow of the tree.  
Josh squatted down and started scratching the dog. "Oh, Lincoln. Oh please..." he began to sob and buried his face in the fur of the animal. Ben had to think about Diefenbaker.  
The boy cried and sobbed. He didn't notice that there was anyone else in the garden besides Lincoln. That was Ben's chance. He stepped out of the shadows of the tree, put his hand on the boy's shoulder, and said softly, "Hello, Joshua.“


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds Joshua in the tree house and takes him home. So little by little the boy comes out with the story and what he tells is cruel ... and sad .

Meg woke up because the phone was ringing. "What the ...", she mumbled. When she realized what had woken her, she got up and padded to the door in the dark so as not to wake Ben.  
'Sleeps like a stone,' she thought. Well, he had been awake half the night because he was in pain. She switched on the light in the hall, rubbed her eyes drowsily, and picked up the receiver. "What?" She growled. "Meg? It's Ray. Excuse me for waking you up, but I need to talk to Benny urgently." "He's sleeping," Meg said. "He wasn't feeling well. Is it really necessary?" "Unfortunately, yes," Ray replied. She sighed. "What time is it?" "Half past five. Please, Meg, it's really important." "Okay. Wait a moment." She went back to the bedroom and turned on the light. "Ben! Ray is on ..." The bed was empty. Where the hell was he? "Ben?" She went back into the hallway. "Lincoln?" The dog wasn't there either.  
"He's not going to ..." she murmured. Half the night he had moaned around that he has leg pain and then this dumbass was running with the dog?! That's impossible! But that was typical for him again. He wanted to prove once again that he could still do it. Oh man!  
She picked up the phone again. "Ray? I'm afraid the dumbass went running with Lincoln. He moans half the night because he’s in pain and then he runs. Well, he can get ready for something!" "Meg?" "What?!", she snapped. "Look, it's about something he asked me the other day. It's really important. When he comes back, he shall call me urgently, okay?" Meg sighed. "I'll tell him." "Thanks, Meg.

Joshua screamed in alarm and tried to run, but Ben held him tight. "Don't worry," he said softly, "I'm not doing you any harm." The boy looked down and shivered. Not just from the cold. "What happened?" Ben asked. Joshua didn't answer. Ben put his arm around the boy's shoulders. "Okay, let's go inside, you're all frozen through." Gently, but surely he led the boy to the house. Suddenly Joshua didn't have the courage to run away anymore.  
Meg stood in the hallway in pajamas staring in astonishment at the two figures and the dog coming in from the garden terrace. Ben grinned. "Good morning, Meg," he said, "I picked up the young man here in the treehouse." Meg calmed down. "Joshua," she said in surprise. "What are you doing in the middle of the night in our garden?"  
The boy kept his eyes down, preferring not to answer. "Did you run away from home?", She wanted to know. He shoved his hands into his pockets and just shrugged.  
"Come on." Ben said and led him into the kitchen. "You need something warm to drink. How about hot chocolate?" Josh blinked. That's exactly what he wanted. "Good," Ben said, "Sit down and try not to run away. I may not be fast enough, but Lincoln gets you and then it gets uncomfortable. His father was an Arctic Wolf. At least to the half." He grinned.  
Joshua sat down at the kitchen table and stared straight ahead. Lincoln was sitting on the floor beside him, looking pityingly at him. Suddenly Meg remembered the call. "Ben?" She said, "I'll do this, you need to call Ray." Ben was confused. "What? At this time?" "Yes," she said, "He said it's urgent. Something you wanted to know." Ben rubbed his brow with his thumb. "Okay," he said, "Take care of the boy.“

"Benny?" "Yes, Ray. I should call you urgently, Meg says." "Yeah, right. She said you are running, even though you are in pain. You really should be careful, Benny." He sighed. Ben replied, "I'm okay. What happened, Ray?“ "Well," Ray began, "you recently asked me to find out about the Hendriks." Ben was alarmed. "Yes..."  
"We got an emergency call a few hours ago. Tom Hendriks was knocked down in his kitchen with an iron bar. And not only knocked down, Fraser, somebody must have worked him up pretty bad. Heaviest head and facial injuries. His family’s at the precinct now, but nobody wants to talk. Besides, the boy who's in Roberts class is gone, what was his name again?" "Joshua," Ben replied flatly. Ray continued, "Exactly. Something’s wrong. Tom Hendriks is in hospital and is in mortal danger. His wife has a split lip and a black eye. Elaine is taking care of the younger children and the older daughter is with her mother when interrogating. But nobody wants to talk. Do you know the family?“ Ben was shocked. "No," he said, "Just the boy." "Okay." Ray sighed deeply, "It looks like Tom Hendriks has beaten his wife and someone has attacked him with the iron bar. Elisa Hendriks says she did, but I'll not take it from her. The older daughter, Stephanie, called the ambulance and then us. The doctor said when they arrived, Elisa crouched in a corner of the kitchen.  
Tom had injuries to the back of his head. So she probably can't have been it. We confiscated the bar and checked for fingerprints. It's neither Elisa's nor her daughter's. However, that of a child. Probably from the boy, Joshua. But he’s not findable. Elaine talked to the two younger sons and they say Joshua defeated a monster and jumped out of the window. With his schoolbag, in which he had packed some things. Benny, can you imagine that a ten-year-old is capable of such a thing? And if so, where can he be? He may be in danger. Maybe he thinks he killed his father and is scared now?  
God, Benny, he's still a kid! When I think that something would happen to Little Ben ... Joshua might just want to protect his mother? I can understand that, Benny. I ..." "Ray!" "... know such situations. You know that ..." "Ray!" "... in his age too ..." "RAY!" "What?!" "Quiet. Joshua is with us." "What?" "He’s here. He hid in Dot's tree house. I couldn't sleep and went to the window. There I saw a light and when I went out to look, I found him. He's in the kitchen and Meg makes him hot chocolate.“  
Ray was relieved. "Thank God! Take him to the precinct." "Ray, maybe that's not such a good idea." Ben contradicted. "Not at the moment. He hasn’t said a word yet. Let me talk to him first, okay? Let him calm down first. I think he'll not tell you anything at the moment anyway. Don't tell Lt. Welsh that he’s here. At least not right now. Please, Ray. Joshua trusts me. I think I can lure the story out of him, but you have to be patient, okay?"  
Ray thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, Benny. But keep me up to date." "I do. Thanks, Ray.“

Meg was sitting at the kitchen table with Joshua when Ben came in. The boy clutched his cup and stared inside. "He doesn't say anything." Meg sighed. Ben smiled sadly. "It's okay. He doesn't have to say anything if he doesn't want to. Meg? Can I talk to you for a moment?"  
She nodded and stood up. Ben looked at the dog and said firmly, "Lincoln! Watch out for Joshua. Don't let him out of your sight." The dog sat up proudly and looked at Ben understandingly. Well. Joshua wouldn't run away.  
They went into the hallway and Ben told Meg the short version of the story. "Oh, my Gosh!" She exclaimed when he had finished. "Shh, not that loud." Ben whispered. "Meg, the boy needs to calm first, and the feeling of being safe. I asked Ray to let me talk to Joshua before the police did. He'll stay here for the time being." "Good." Meg nodded. "It's good. God, Ben, the poor kid!" They went back to the kitchen, where Josh was sitting in the same position at the table.  
Ben sat down to him. "Would you like more hot chocolate?" He asked the boy. He just shook his head. "Are you hungry?" Again shaking his head. "OK. How about we put you to bed now and you'll sleep a little?" Shrugs. "Fine," said Ben, "we'll put you on the couch in the living room. Then you're not alone and just need to call if you need anything. Robert and I are at home."  
He looked at Meg. "Is it okay if I take another day off?" She smiled at him. "Of course it's okay, Ben."

An hour later, Joshua slept on the couch while the Frasers sat at breakfast. Meg and Ben told their children that Josh slept on the couch and was probably in trouble. They should be quiet, please. Robert took it as usual, but Caroline wanted to know details. For example, what kind of trouble Josh was in, if he had run away from home, and so on. Ben said that wouldn't be important. Importantly, Joshua needed help and would get it too.  
Of course, Caroline said she could stay home and take care of him, but Meg intervened: "But you also look for a reason every day, not to have to go to school, Ms. Fraser. Be glad that you have the privilege to go to a school. Ask your father.“ Astonished, the girl looked at Ben. "You didn't go to school, daddy?"  
Ben rubbed his eyebrow with his thumb. "Well, that's not quite right," he said. "But how come you're so smart?" Caroline asked. Ben laughed. "Listen, Princess. By the fourth grade I went to school as usual. Then my grandparents and I have moved again. In Canada, it's allowed to teach your children at home. And since my grandparents were librarians and we had enough books, I was homeschooled. Especially since the school was closed where we lived, because there were no teachers.“ "Cool!" Said Caroline. Ben smiled indulgently. "Not really, Princess. Let me say it like this ... What do you like best at school?" The child thought for a moment and then beamed all over her face. "The breaks!" She called cheerfully. "Since I can play with my friends and have fun." Ben smiled again. "Exactly.", He said softly.  
Caro scratched her head thoughtfully. "Oh ...", she then did. "Oh, Daddy, then your lessons must have been very lonely. So to play without children." Ben kissed his daughter on the forehead. "You've got it, Sweetie. Now get ready to get to school on time."  
Robert had been listening. When Caro left the kitchen, he said, "Dad? I think Josh is also lonely, even though he has many siblings." "Yes, it's possible.", Ben answered, "so we have to take care of him urgently.“  
Meg gave Ben a kiss and said tenderly, "I love you, you know that?" He smiled. "Yes I know that. I love you too and it's about time we just have time for ourselves again." She laughed softly. "Yes, when the children have moved out. Take care of the boys. If there are problems, call me. And, Ben? Take care of yourself, yes?" "Of course, my beautiful, worried wife." He kissed her. "Dumbass.", She said tenderly.

Josh slept all morning while Ben was studying with Robert. Ben wondered if he should tell his son what Joshua might have done, but decided against it. At noon father and son cooked together again.  
Suddenly Josh stood in the doorway. He looked tired, neglected and incredibly sad. For a while he watched as father and son had fun. They laughed, joked and sang loudly to the radio.  
Joshua's heart cramped. How gladly he would have had such a father. Robert’s really lucky. He has parents who love him, a beautiful home and always enough to eat. He can sleep peacefully at night and doesn't have to be scared out of bed and beaten just because he did something wrong or forgot. He never went hungry to school and had to steal the classmates' lunch break sandwiches , so his stomach wouldn't growl all day and he could at least concentrate a bit on the lesson.  
He had clean clothes and a clean bed. And he didn't have to worry about younger siblings and try to protect them from the father's violence.  
Ben noticed the boy first. "Oh," he said smiling, "Did we wake you?" Joshua grinned sadly and shook his head. "Hi, Josh," said Robert. "Hi.", Joshua replied shortly. Then he said, "Mr. Fraser? Thanks for the hot chocolate and for letting me sleep here, but I have to go now." Robert looked at his father. Ben squatted in front of Josh and grabbed him by the upper arms. "Look at me, Joshua," he said. The boy looked down. "Joshua," Ben insisted, "where are you going? Out in the cold? Alone?" Josh shrugged. "No, Joshua," Ben said, "You stay here and at least have lunch with us." Josh sighed.  
Robert intervened. "Come on, Josh. We could learn together again. For two it makes more fun. And then we can romp around the garden again with Lincoln." Josh raised his head and said, "My stuff! It's still in the tree house." Ben smiled. "No, son. I brought it in. Come with me." He went to the stairs and Josh followed him. Robert came too. They went upstairs. Ben opened the door to the guest room. The bed was freshly made and Joshua's things were on the chair. "You can stay here, if you want," Ben said. "Robert's room is next door. You can go over anytime you're scared, can't he, Robert?" Rob nodded. “Sure. We can tell stories in the evening." Josh said nothing, just stared into the room. A room just for him?  
With a proper, clean bed and a bookshelf. There was even a desk and a large, bright window overlooking the garden. But was he really allowed to stay here? After what he had done?  
"Come on, boys." Ben said, "Let's have lunch."  
After dinner, the three picked up the books and notebooks and made themselves comfortable. Ben explained the science to them. That was Robert's favorite topic right now.  
"Joshua?" Ben had asked the boy a question, but he didn't seem to hear it. He was completely elsewhere with his thoughts.  
How was his mother? What did his younger siblings do? Was anyone worried about him? No certainly not. He had become a murderer and they were certainly glad that he was gone. Nobody loved him. He was completely alone with his guilt. And the Frasers just felt sorry for him. But only until they learned what he had done.  
Then they wouldn't want him anymore. No, nobody loved him. Certainly not after what he had done.  
"Joshua!" The boy was startled. "Um ... sorry," he mumbled. "Are you okay?" Ben asked softly. Josh nodded. Ben shook his head. "Son. You don't have to lie."  
He got up, walked over to the boy and simply hugged him. Josh could no longer sustain his façade and burst into sobs. Robert watched, but said nothing. Ben stroked Joshua's head. He knew that the boy needed it right now and he sucked up the pats like a sponge. Instinctively, Ben knew he was saving it for times when tenderness was in short supply. He knew that, too, he had very rarely received caresses and affection and had taken everything he could get.  
Slowly the child calmed down and said in a thin voice, "Mr. Fraser? Is it bad to kill a monster because you don't want to be afraid of it anymore?"  
Robert stared at them in horror, but Ben shook his head imperceptibly. Don't say anything, was it meant and Robert understood.  
Ben said to Josh: "You know, son, it may be bad to kill someone. But if it was a monster and you did it out of fear, it's called self-defense. That's okay." "I don't want to go to jail," the boy whispered. Ben held him tight. "Children aren't going to jail, Joshua. Certainly not if they acted in self-defense. Besides, I'll help you, child. Promised. You just have to tell me what had happened." Josh, pressed against Ben's chest, nodded.

"My ... father is always drinking.", The boy started. "And Mom says he never gives her enough money for food and stuff. My brother Brian is seventeen. He says father spends the money on alcohol and women. I didn't know that you can buy women. What do you do with so many women? He never brought one. At home there was only Mom. She can't go to work because she still has the little ones. Chloe is only two. But father comes home drunk every day. And he always found a reason to torment us. Especially Mom and he doesn't like me because I don't want to be like him. I don't want to work in the factory. I would like to become a car mechanic and have my own car repair shop. Even better, I could go to college later and maybe even become an engineer. But Mom says we can't afford that. That's okay. A car repair shop would be great. Father says I'm too stupid because I have bad grades.  
I would like to take better care in school, learn and regularly do the schoolwork. This is difficult if you have an empty stomach and therefore can't concentrate.  
Or if you have to think about how to help your mom and protect your siblings.  
The food you gave me the other day I took with me for Mom and the little ones. Just like Mrs. Vecchio's food yesterday. My mom is so awfully thin. She hardly eats anything because she saves everything for us.  
Sometimes I look for food in the dumpsters behind the supermarkets, but that's dangerous. If I get caught, I'll be in trouble. And sometimes ... I steal something. I know that's wrong, but when you're desperate …  
For myself sometimes I steal from the lunchboxes of my classmates. Just small bites, so it doesn't stand out. Just enough to keep my stomach from growling and no one laughing at me when he hears it. Robert never laughed at me.  
When Michael and the other cool boys from school go to McDonalds or the pizzeria, I say I have to go home. Sometimes I tell them that I'm not hungry. And if they leave something behind, the pizza crust or something, I ask if I can take that with me for the dog. But I don't have a dog. I wish I had one. Like Lincoln, he's cool. Then I would have a friend. I mean, a real friend. One to whom I can entrust everything and who protects me.  
If I steal sweets, they aren't for me, but for the little ones.  
Once, on Mom's birthday, I stole flowers for her. I mean, it was her birthday and she never gets anything. Never! That's unfair. When father came home, he asked from who the flowers are. Mom said from me. For her birthday. He didn't believe her and claimed she had a worshiper and he would beat it out of her. Then he hit her. After that, he came to my room and asked what the flowers where from. I said I bought them for Mom. He wanted to know where I got the money from and I said, saved. What, he asked, and I answered that I helped out in the neighborhood garage. Sometimes I did when Mr. Duncan, the owner, let me. But I rarely got money for it. I didn't want that either. Mr. Duncan gave me pizza and coke. From time to time even a chocolate bar. For my birthday he gave me a pocket knife.  
It wasn't new and the blade was dull and rusty. But it had a lot of tools on it. I oiled and sanded it, then polished it until it shone. It was great. I wish I had a bike that I could fix and screw on.  
But as I fumbled with the school bench screws at school, the teacher took it away and handed it to the principal, Mr. Mitchell. He's okay, but he said my father should come and pick up the knife. Of course, I never told him about it.  
He struck me in front of my little brothers, with whom I share a room because I had given flowers to Mom for my birthday.  
Sometimes he decided I have to buy beer for him, but with the money he gave me, I bought food. My mother knew he was going to beat me, so she said it was her idea and I should do that. He beat both of us. In the middle of the night he came to my room, tore me out of bed and beat me up. He called that the surprise effect. I hated him for that. I hated him for tormenting Mom. I hated him because he hit me in front of the little ones. I hated him because he didn't love us, just himself. I hated him so much that I wanted to kill him. Especially when he dragged my mom into the bedroom, locked the door and I heard her screaming.  
And yesterday it was like that again. He came home and snapped at Mom for not bringing any beer. I was in bed reading. The little ones were sleeping. But from the noise they woke up.  
He hit my mom because he found the food of Mrs. Vecchio in the fridge and said we didn't need to beg. The little ones were crying and talking about the monster being back. Since the fuses blown out with me. I had hidden an iron bar under the bed a long time ago. Just in case I have to defend myself or my siblings ... against burglars and stuff ... we don't live in a good neighbourhood, as you know.  
Mom crouched in a corner in the kitchen and he stood over her. She squatted there, whimpering and bleeding, my little, skinny mom, looking at him with huge, fearful eyes. My big sister Stephanie, she has a baby and since her boyfriend left her she lives with us again, standing in the door.  
I knew she wouldn't intervene. She couldn't, out of fear. She has the baby and stuff. And if something happens to her, the baby has no mom AND no dad. At that moment I was so full of hate and blind rage that I wanted to kill the monster. Yes, Mr. Fraser. I didn't care if I struck him dead. I hit the iron bar on his head and face. He fell to the ground and gasped, but I just couldn't stop. I kept beating until Steph could hold on to me. Then I came to my senses and saw what I had done. Panic seized me and I knew I had to go. I killed someone and had to flee. I definitely didn't want to go to jail. So I ran to my room and packed some things in my school bag.  
My little brothers asked if I killed the monster and I said, yes, you are safe now and that I love them. Then I jumped out the window and ran away. At some point I realized that I was standing in front of your house and the tree house came to mind. I thought I could hide there for a while. I wanted to call Robert's attention to me during the day to help me. Maybe bring me a blanket and a piece of bread. My sleeping bag wasn't warm enough and I longed for hot cocoa. I drank it a few years ago with my grandmother in Montana and could remember that it tasted heavenly. Well, then you caught me, Mr. Fraser. You know the rest. And that's the whole sad story.  
I’m sorry I included you and your family. You're the first to be nice to me. And honestly. That's why I want to be honest with you, that's only fair. And now you may arrest me."

He held out his hands to Ben so he could handcuff him. But Ben shook his head and said, "I don't want to arrest you, Joshua. First, as a police officer I’m not responsible and secondly, we don't arrest children.“  
Josh looked at him skeptically. "But I killed someone." Ben smiled. "No, son. Your father lives. He's badly injured and in the hospital, but he's alive." Now Joshua was completely upset. “B ... but ... how ... I mean ... where ..." he stammered. "Son." Ben said, "My friend Ray, the cop, called this morning. He was charged with the case." "Then ... then you knew it all the time?" The boy looked disappointed. "No," Ben said, "only guessed. I wanted to hear it from you. Without police interrogation. You've already had enough. If you agree, I'll call Ray and let him come, then you can tell him again. If not, I'll give him your message via memory protocol. Before you talk to him, you can take a lawyer. But since you probably can't afford one, we will provide you with a public defender. Do you understand all of this?" Josh crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not stupid," he pressed out. He was disappointed. Mr. Fraser, whom he thought was his friend, had disappointed him. Ben guessed that. "Listen, Joshua," he said softly, "Trust me, okay? I promised you to help you. And I keep my promises. Always. Ask Robert." Ben looked at his son. "Yes, dad. Always.", Said the boy. Ben knew his son had to process what he heard. "Okay," he said to Joshua, "you stay with us until all this nasty story is over. And now you have a break. Go play, guys. And you, Joshua, promise me two things, okay? First, that you will think about talking to Detective Vecchio, and second, that's more important, that you will not run away. Agreed?" "Yes, sir.", the boy replied meekly. "Good," Ben said, "and now,go. I'm busy.“  
The boys left the room and Ben thought about it. He hoped that Joshua would choose to talk to Ray.  
He picked up the phone and dialed Ray's number. He knew Joshua would take that as a betrayal, but it was important for Ray to know. At least for now the short version. If Joshua decided to talk to him, he could still tell him the full story.  
"Ray?" "Benny! Did the boy talk?" "Yes, Ray and it's worse than we thought. I mean, the child is only ten! And what he had to go through. I try to convince him that it is good to talk to you. And, Ray? Joshua stays with us first. I will not let him be locked away." Ray sighed but agreed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can persuade Joshua to talk to Ray. Initially the boy is skeptical, but when Ray tells him his own childhood experiences, the ice breaks. Now remains to be seen what the prosecution will do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, yesterday I didn't have time for this chapter.  
> Fridays are always very busy.  
> Only a few more chapters left until it's finally finished.  
> TYK for reading.

Robert, Josh and Lincoln were in Robert's room. Josh played with the dog all the time. 'I wish I had a dog, then at least I would have a friend,' he had said. Robert thought about it. Actually, he had no real friends because he was an outsider. A bookworm with strange views. He liked to learn what made him a teachers pet. Dad would rather see if he was a bit more like his sister. When he asked him why, Dad said he was the same as a kid, and it wasn't easy to always be the outsider, but Robert said it would not bother him, after all, he had his family that loved him. Dad said that would be the difference that Robert didn't understand.  
But Joshua didn't have anyone. His mom loved him well but didn't have the strength to protect him. And he called his father a monster.  
Robert couldn't remember ever being beaten by his parents. Not even a pat Caro and he had ever received. Mom sometimes scolded, but Dad never. He explained why something shouldn't be allowed. Rob couldn't remember that his dad had ever been loud. He smiled. His dad was the best dad in the world.

He watched Joshua play with Lincoln. "Josh?" He said. He looked at him. "Hm?" "You can trust my dad. And Uncle Ray too. He's the best cop in Chicago." Josh dropped onto Robert's bed. "I don't know, Rob," he said skeptically. "Your dad’s okay, but he knew it all the time and didn't say anything. Normally, adults will immediately confront you with your mistakes. Always. But your dad wanted me to tell him everything by myself. Why? He could have condemned me before, like everyone else. I'm used to that. You know, that confuses me."  
Robert laughed. "Yes, Mom always says that. She says Dad's working methods are unorthodox. I'm not sure what that means, but I know Dad does things differently than others. Uncle Ray says Dad is a freak." Josh grinned. "Your uncle Ray is also a cop and you shouldn't trust cops." "Who says that?" Josh shrugged. “Everyone. My brother Brian, for example. My old man..."  
Robert stared at him with the blue Fraser look. "What?!", Josh asked aggressively. Robert didn't answer, just looked at him. Resigned, Josh sighed. "Yes you’re right. Maybe those aren't the best examples." Robert grinned contentedly. That always worked for dad.  
"Listen, Josh," he said, "I'll tell you something. But you can't tell anyone, certainly not Uncle Ray, okay?"Josh nodded. "OK."  
"Uncle Ray was beaten by his father as a child. His mom and siblings too. When he was thirteen, he resisted for the first time. His old man then beat him terribly, even Ray's mom was beaten. As a result, Uncle Ray decided to become a police officer because his father hated the cops. And he said he would never allow a man to abuse his family because he knows how it is. That's why you can trust him.“  
Josh thought about it. "Did he tell you that?" He asked. Rob nodded. "Yes, last summer. I had quarreled with Dad and ran away. To the Vecchios. I think Grandma Vecchio called Dad and told him where I was. When Uncle Ray came home, he asked what was going on and I said, I hate Dad. Uncle Ray laughed and said he couldn't be hated. Shoot to the moon, yes, because sometimes he’s a terrible nuisance, but hate? He also said Dad is the most decent, helpful, and polite person he’s ever met. And he’s right. Of course, I don't hate my dad. I love him. He’s always fair, even if others are unfair to him. And he’s always honest. Uncle Ray said I'm lucky that Benton Fraser is my dad. If I had bad luck, maybe I would have gotten someone like his father. When I asked him what he meant, he told me the story of his dad. You can trust him, Josh. He knows how to feel in such a situation. He and my dad can and will help you. If nobody else can help you, they can.“  
"You're exaggerating," Josh said. "That sounds like the two are superheroes." Rob smiled and said, "There was a time, before my birth, when my dad was actually considered a superhero. Well, something like that. But then ..." He suddenly sounded sad.  
"Then he had the accident where his leg was crippled." Josh said and Rob nodded.  
"Rob?" Josh looked down and kneaded his hands. "Yes?" "You don't have to be sorry, your dad’s cool. I wish I had such a father."  
Rob looked at him with his big blue eyes. This boy consoled him? The one who had gone through so much trouble consoled him because he was sad that his father had a crippled leg? He, Robert Fraser, was supposed to comfort this boy after what had happened. Oh man! He was a wimp! But sometimes he felt sorry for his dad. He sometimes noticed how much the injury was affecting his father. Especially on days when he wasn't feeling well.  
But his dad was strong. And Josh was strong.   
"Hey, Josh," he said, "Will you talk to Uncle Ray?" "Yeah, I think so," the other boy answered, "But if I'm going to jail, I'll run away!" "Dad says you don't have to go to jail." Rob interjected," And he never lies! Come, let us tell him."

When the doorbell rang, Ben opened. "Hello, Ray," he said wearily. "Hi, Benny. Everything okay?" "Yes. The boys are in the garden with Lincoln. Ray? We have to be careful. We must not scare Joshua. Even though he looks so cool on the outside, he's just a little boy who fears himself to death. I think he doesn't even know exactly what happened." Ray sighed and rubbed his almost bald head. "I'm well aware of that, Benny. I was such a small, frightened boy, too," he said. Ben smiled. "Sorry, Ray, that's not what I meant. Coffee?" "Good idea."  
They sat at the coffee and watched the boys through the patio door. "Look at them," Ben said, "as if nothing had happened." Ray grinned. "Yes, when you have experienced something like that, you try to be as normal as possible." "Exactly." Ben said, "That's why I didn't want to take Joshua to the police station. He can stay here for now. How is his family?" "His mother finally found the courage and filed a complaint. So did his sister. The little ones are currently taken care of by the youth welfare office. They all don't want to return to the house. Lt. Welsh has already contacted various agencies so they can find a new home as soon as possible.  
I told Mrs. Hendriks that her son’s with you and she doesn't have to worry. Her husband’s out of danger but has to stay in hospital for a while. Mrs. Hendriks wants to file for divorce. The prosecutor wants to enforce as soon as possible a preliminary injunction that Tom Hendriks may not approach his family. The doctors say that in a day or two he'll be able to be interrogated, then we need his statement."  
"He'll lie, Ray." “Yes, probably, but we have the testimony of his wife and daughter. The other son, Brian, is still wanted, but I think he too will say that his father is violent." "And Joshua?" "Well, his testimony is important." "He acted in self-defense, Ray." "I know that. We just have to prove it." Ben nodded. "Okay, I'll call the boys in now."

Ray greeted Joshua. "Hi, Josh, I'm Ray. You already met my Ma." Josh smiled shyly and nodded. Ray asked, "Is it okay for you when the two of us talk? All right, in your room." His room? The boy was confused. He would like to stay with the Frasers, but he loved his mom. And his siblings, especially the little ones. "Mr. Vecchio?" "Hey, you can call me Ray, okay?" Josh nodded. "Ray? Did you see my mom?" Ray laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Yes, your mom and siblings are fine. The social service is with them." Josh seemed relieved. He didn't ask about his father and Ray left it at that. “Good, Josh, let's talk, okay?" "Can Mr. Fraser be there too?" The boy asked quietly.  
Ray nodded. "Of course." Then he looked over at Ben. "Benny?" "Of course.", He too said. Robert said, "I'm going to my room, you can stay here." He winked at Joshua. "Josh wants some hot chocolate, so he can talk better." Ben laughs. "For sure." He made a hot chocolate for Josh and a tea for himself. There was still coffee for Ray. After putting the cups on the table, he went back to the kitchen cupboard and got his medication out of the drawer. "Sorry," he said, grinning crookedly. Ray sighed. It hurt his soul when his friend had to do that. Because of him. For years.  
Then Ben said, "I have to call Meg. Someone has to pick Caroline up from school and it would be good if she isn't here while we talk.“  
"I could ask Frannie," Ray offered, "She loves the Little Dragon Lady and she can take her to our house. You call your big dragon lady and tell her, okay?" "Thanks, Ray."  
Amused Josh looked from one to the other.

Joshua looked at Ray. So, he should tell him his story. But Ray was a policeman. Would he really not arrest him? Mr. Fraser had promised, and Robert had said that if his father made a promise, he would keep it. Was it true? After all, they were adults. And adults had often disappointed him.  
"Well, boy," Ray said, "Tell me what happened last night."  
Joshua looked down. Suddenly he wasn't so sure anymore. "Will you arrest me?" He asked softly. Ray smiled. "Josh, you're only ten years old. Children aren't arrested."  
The boy looked up at him from below, then squinted at Ben. "I ... I don't want to go to an education camp, either," he whispered anxiously. Ray sighed.  
"Let me tell you a story," Ray said softly. "Years ago, there was just a little guy like you. His father was also violent. He drank, gambled and neglected his family. The boy's mother did everything to make her children feel well. But when the father came home, drunk, he argued with his wife, scolded the children, mostly for no reason, and beat them. When the boy was thirteen, he struggled for the first time. He wanted to protect his mother and siblings. It was Christmas.The boy's little sister had written on her wish list that she wished Dad would at least stay sober at Christmas and celebrate with the family. That was her biggest wish. But her father didn't stick to it. He didn't care much for what his children wanted and so the wish of the little girl didn't come true. Her dad came home drunk and argued with her mother because the food wasn't what he wanted it to be. She got blows. The girl cried and got punches. That made her brother angry. He took a kitchen knife and butted in. He shouted at his father that he was going to kill him. The father slapped the knife out of the boy's hand and beat him awfully. But the boy fought. He kicked, punched and bit.  
It didn't get better, but the father still had a little more respect for the boy. The boy decided to become a police officer to prevent this from happening. So that no family had to suffer anymore from the tyranny of such fathers.  
This boy was me. And I promise you, I'll do whatever I can to get you out of this. But you have to trust me, Josh."  
The child looked at Ray wide-eyed. OK. That was good. Robert had already mentioned that. If this policeman knew how helpless and desperate you are in such a situation, then he could tell him everything and don't have to be afraid. He looked at Ben and asked, "Was your father like that too, Mr. Fraser?" Ben started to say something, but Ray said, "No, his father just neglected him. Is that better?" "Ray!" Ben said in his own reproachful tone. "But that's true, Benny," Ray said. Then he looked back to Joshua. "Did you know that when he was only six, his father took him into the forest and left him there alone to learn how to make a fire? With stones. In the middle of the night."  
"Ray!" Ben said again. Josh looked at him wide-eyed. "Is that true?" Ben smiled and replied, "Well, that's true, but where I grew up, this knowledge is vital." "Wow!" Josh exclaimed in surprise. "Good," Ray said. "And now to you. Now it's your turn with your story."  
"Okay," Joshua agreed, telling Ray what had happened that night.

Ray had taken notes and Ben had written on the laptop. They had told the boy that it was necessary. When Josh finished, Ray said, "Okay, Josh. That's a bad story, but I promised you that you'd get out of it. I'll help you."  
"I couldn't do anything else," the boy said softly. "I was so angry." Ray nodded. "Understandable. Now we have to see how we proceed. For me that sounds like self-defense, but we'll have to wait and see what the prosecutor says. And what your father says.“ Josh looked at Ray firmly and said gravely, "He's not my father anymore." "Okay." Ray nodded understandingly. "You can stay here until we find a place to stay for you."

Ben was already in bed when Meg came into the bedroom. As always, he watched her doing her nightly ritual. "Meg?" She looked at him. "What is it?" "I'm worried about Joshua," he said. "Yes I know. The poor boy," she replied. Ben leaned on one elbow. Ray gave his testimony to Lt. Welsh," he said. "He wants to call if he knows something. Now the prosecution attorney has to take care of the case. But we don't know what Hendriks will say. He isn't yet able to be interrogated. I just hope nothing will happen to Joshua."  
Meg climbed into bed and gave him a kiss. "You know, Ben, the boy’s only ten. When I think of Robby being in such a situation ... But our kids are lucky. They got the best father in the world." She also leaned on one elbow and looked at him. "Oh, Meg," he said, "I'm not perfect either. Sometimes I'm too soft." She smiled and kissed him again. "I know, darling," she said tenderly. "But I'm here for that." He grinned and crossed his arms behind his head. Then he bend his leg and briefly grimaced painfully. "Does it hurt?" Meg asked worriedly. "Always.", He answered. "You know, Meg, Joshua hasn’t really handled the whole story yet. But I believe that once he has realized it, it will be fierce for him. Then we should be there for him." "We will, darling," she said. "But now we should sleep. On Saturday is the Christmas ball and despite everything, I’m responsible for everything works out. The preparations are mostly completed." "Oh dear," groaned Ben. "Sorry, Meg. I wasn't much help to you in the last few days." She sighed. "You were sick, Ben. We both have to accept that. And besides, you had to take care of the boys, that's a priority. I will ask Ma Vecchio if she’ll take the children on Saturday. Then you'll help me at the consulate, okay? But only if you're okay.“  
He smiled. "Of course, dearest Meg. And then we have holidays. Maybe everything’s fine with Joshua and his family by then and we hopefully have some more time for ourselves. I mean you and me. I miss our ... bathing evenings in the tub." She laughed. "You horny Mountie! If you want, we can now ..." She leaned over and kissed him tenderly. He stroked her hair and said sadly, "I'm sorry, my Meg, but right now I don't feel like it. I'm worried about Joshua and besides ... I'm not feeling so well." She stroked his face. "I'm sorry, Ben. Do you need painkillers?" "No, thanks." "Your leg?" She asked. "Also," he said softly. "What else, Ben?" She was alarmed. He grinned crookedly. "Not so important. It's okay, Meg. We should sleep now." "Ben!" "Oh, Meg ..." he groaned. Suddenly she realized.  
The injured nerve in his back not only made his legs and back hurt a lot, he also sometimes had problems with ... "Ben? Do the testicles hurt you?" He snorted. "Meg ..." "Answer my question!" There was again the inspector tone. "Please, Meg." Ben said. "I'll have a doctor's appointment anyway tomorrow." "Let's see." "No!" He exclaimed in horror. "Fraser!", Meg revolted. "First, I am your wife! Second, if you have an infection ..." "I have not!" He fought off. "There’s nothing swollen or hot. Just a painful pulling. It's nothing. Really." "Still. Let me have a look." She tried to slip her hand into his underpants, but he stopped her. "Meg, please," he begged. "You know how sensitive I am, especially to you. If you touch me now, you'll just get me in trouble. Trust me, will you? It's nothing and I'll tell the doctor tomorrow, okay?"  
Meg had to smile, though she was a little worried. Sure, he was very sensitive to that. He has always been. She bit her lower lip. "Good night, Ben." Relieved, he took a breath. "Good night," he replied. "I love you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua has nightmares and Ben stays with him overnight. Tom Hendriks has awakened from the coma and Ben and Ray drive to the hospital to interrogate him, but his statement makes Ray very angry ...

Sometime in the night, Meg woke up because someone was screaming. Ben!, was the first thing she thought. But he was lying on his stomach next to her, his hands under the pillow, snoring softly. Another scream. What the ... Meg turned on the light. "Ben!" She shook her husband's shoulder. "Wake up, Ben!" "What is it?" He muttered sleepily. "Someone's screaming." "Hm?" "Ben!" He groaned and sat up. "Man, Meg ..." At that moment, too, he heard the scream. "Damn!" Now he was completely awake. "Joshua!" Ben jumped out of bed. His leg wasn't prepared for this spontaneous action and gave way. He stumbled and nearly fell. "Damn it!" He cursed, holding onto the bedpost. Meg had to smile. "Slowly," she said, getting up too. She put on her robe, then they went together to the stairs.  
Lincoln came running and barked. "Shh!", Ben hissed. At the top of the stairs Caroline stood and cried. "Oh dear ..." Ben sighed.  
"Go, take care of Caroline, I'll take care of Joshua," he told Meg. She took her daughter in her arms. "Mommy ...", the girl sobbed, hugging her teddy bear. "What's that, Mommy?" Meg gently pushed her back to her room. "Don't worry, honey," she said affectionately, "Joshua has nightmares."  
Ben went to Joshua's room. Robert sat by his bed and looked at his father with wide eyes. The bedside lamp was on. "Dad," Robert said anxiously, "Josh’s crying." Ben smiled and went to the bed.  
"Hey, Joshua," he said softly and stroked the boy's hair. "Alright. You're safe." Josh was shaken from crying. He shivered and sobbed. "I ... want ... to be … with my ... Mom ..."  
Ben caressed him constantly. "It's okay, my boy," he said. "Calm down." Josh curled up and sobbed harder. Robert stood in front of the bed and stared at the crying boy. Ben said to him, "He has nightmares, son. This is normal after such a traumatic experience. Go back to bed, I'll take care of him." Robert nodded and whispered, "Will he be okay, Dad?" "Yeah, of course," Ben replied. "Well. Good night, Dad." Robert left the room.

Ben took Josh in his arms and rocked him like a baby. "Daddy," the boy sobbed, "Hold me, Daddy." He didn't realize he called Ben Daddy. He wanted so much to have a father like Ben that he just didn't realize it. "Shh." Ben said, "I'm here, son. I'm here. You're not alone."  
Slowly the child calmed down. Ben held him in his arms until he was asleep.  
Then he took a blanket and pillow from the closet and lay down on the floor in front of Josh's bed so he could be with him when the boy needed him.

Meg woke up because the alarm rang. She stretched and didn't really feel like getting up. Somebody was moving next to her. "Ben?" She asked. Oh man! What a night!  
"Mommy?" Meg turned abruptly to one side. Next to her wasn't her husband, but her daughter, looking anxious in her "Hello Kitty" sleeping suit, her teddy in her arms, which she had already had as a baby. Ben had given it to her for her birth.  
He had given Robert the same teddy bear when he was born and said, "My mum had made a teddy bear for me when I was little. When she died and I grew up with my grandparents, he was lost in one of our many relocations. It was the last real connection to my mother and I missed him years later, even if I had never admitted it. My grandparents never gave me toys. Grandmother said that wouldn't broaden my horizon. Instead, they gave me books. That was okay, but a kid should also have toys. My children should have everything they need."  
Meg had cried then. He must have had a very sad childhood. At least a very lonely one, but he rarely spoke about it.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Meg smiled at her daughter. Joshua's nightmares had scared the girl, so Meg decided to let her sleep in the master bedroom.  
"Is Daddy up?" Meg asked. "I don't know," the child replied, "I think he didn't sleep here. Benny says so too." She held out the teddy to Meg. Meg smiled. Caroline called the bear Benny. "Because Daddy gave it to me," she had said.  
"Fine," Meg said. "Let's get up, sweetheart, we need to get ready. Today is your last day of school before the Christmas holidays."  
She suspected that Ben didn't want to disturb her and had slept on the couch. Then he shouldn't complain about back pain. His own fault. The two Fraser ladies got up to prepare for the day.

When Ben woke up, he didn't know where he was for a moment. Not in his bed, as his back told him. Then he realized he had slept on the floor in Joshua's room. He hadn't done that for ages. Meg didn't allow it. Well, she just knew that was not good for him.  
You're getting old, Fraser, he thought, sitting up slowly and stifling a moan. He looked over at Josh. The boy slept peacefully. Lincoln was lying on the bed as well, guarding the frightened child.  
Ben smiled. Lincoln sometimes reminded him too much of Dief. Ben missed his wolf, but his son was a good substitute. He stretched his aching limbs, picked up the pillows and blanket, and stashed them in the closet when he heard Josh's soft voice, "Mr. Fraser? "  
He turned to the boy and smiled. "Good morning, Joshua," he said. Joshua smiled back and asked, "Were you here all night?" "Yeah," Ben replied, "Lincoln too." "Thanks," the boy whispered. Ben went to the door. "It's okay, son. Get dressed and come down. I bet Mrs. Fraser has already finished breakfast." In his mind he added, "And she'll kill me if she finds out I slept on the floor.“  
He first wanted to take a shower to relax his cramping muscles before he went into the kitchen, but Meg heard him using the stair lift. At the moment he didn't feel able to climb stairs. That would be better after a hot shower.  
Meg stood in the kitchen door with her arms crossed and looked at him sternly. He grinned his wry grin and said, "Good morning, beautiful woman."  
"By the way!", She answered hard. "Do you want to kill yourself, Benton Fraser? You haven't been in hospital for a long time?“

He looked at her, confused. "What?" "You slept on the floor in Joshua's room," she said angrily. It was a statement, not a question. Embarrassed, Ben rubbed his ear. "Well, Josh had nightmares and shouldn't be alone. And I could hardly bring him into our bed.“ He grinned again. Meg sighed deeply. "Yes. Of course not. And now watch how you get along. You'll be in pain all day." That she always had to worry so much about him! That would probably never change.  
He went to her and took her by the upper arms. "Meg!" He said hard. "Look at me!" She did it. The expression in his eyes! Dark and wild. She was always a little scared when he was like that. She knew there was something wild and unbridled in him that he constantly controlled. But one day he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. Then it would break out and nobody knew what happened then.  
"Meg." His voice was softer now. "The boy had nightmares. Nobody should be alone if he has nightmares. Who can judge that better than me?"  
He was right. Meg knew that, she was the one who had been with him when he himself had suffered from nightmares. And sometimes he still had them.  
She nodded. "It's okay, Ben. You're right." He smiled gently. "I'll take a shower."

"Do you want to learn today?" Ben asked the boys after Meg and Caroline had left the house. To his astonishment, they answered ‘yes’ to this question.  
During lunch, Ben said, "Listen guys, I have an appointment this afternoon. You go to the Vecchios for so long. Francesca picks up Caroline from school and then you do your homework dutifully." Josh asked: " Do you have an appointment with Detective Ray?" Smiling, Ben stroked the boy's hair and replied, "No, my boy, with my doctor."

Ben was just getting ready for his medical appointment when the phone rang. "Fraser.", He answered. "It's me, Ray." Came the answer. "Hendriks is awake and able to being interrogated. I drive to the hospital now and wanted to ask you if you would like to come with me. Ben thought for a moment. Actually, he had an appointment in the hospital himself. Not in the place where Hendriks lay. Too bad, otherwise he would have been able to connect his appointment and the interrogation. All right. He would postpone his appointment. He felt good and maybe he could get a new appointment tomorrow. Meg wouldn't approve, he realized that. Especially since he last night …  
"Let's examine your testicles," she had warned him this morning. He shrugged. He was fine and the examination could wait. The interrogation of Joshua's father, however, not. "Okay, Ray," he said. "Are you picking me up?" "Sure, Benny. What about the guys?" “I'll send them over to your house. I don't want Joshua to know his father woke up, Ray." "Understandable, Benny. I'm curious what the bastard has to say." "Me too. Okay see you soon."  
He hung up the phone and thought for a moment. Well, the boys thought he was going to the doctor. It should be so. Oh, he had to call his doctor and postpone the appointment.  
After that he called the children. "Joshua! Robert! You two now go over to the Vecchios. You can take Lincoln with you. When I get back, I'll pick you up, then we'll go eat pizza, okay?" “Oh yes!" The boys shouted and ran down the stairs.

Ray and Ben stood in front of Hendriks's hospital room. "Are you okay?" Ray asked, seeing Ben's tense expression and his fists clenched hands. Ben nodded. "Yes, Ray." But he was angry. He actually intended to be fair and give Tom Hendriks a chance to explain himself. But he kept thinking about Joshua.  
This little, innocent guy had no choice. He only wanted to protect his family. My God, he was only ten years old! As old as Ben's own son. Another little boy came to mind who had tried to protect his father when his mother died. Ben rubbed his face. "What's up with you, Ray?" He asked his friend. He smiled grimly. "If I could, I'd personally kick this bastard in the head, but then the doctors would have done their work for free." Ben smiled. He could understand him. Ray's father had been violent too.  
"We have to stay objective and not judge him in advance," Ben said. Ray looked at him incredulously. "You don't really believe that, Fraser," he said harshly. Ben didn't respond. "Let's go in," he said. No, he didn't believe in it, but they were policemen and should do their job fairly.  
"Hello, Mr. Hendriks," Ben said politely as they entered the room and he felt Ray's teeth clench. Hendriks was lying in his hospital bed. A thick bandage graced his head. His nose was broken and his eyes were almost swollen shut. His face almost unrecognizable from hematomas and bruises.  
"I defeated the monster," Ray heard Joshua say. What had this boy just gone through to do that? God, he was still a child!  
Ben pulled a chair up to Hendriks's bed and sat down. "Mr. Hendriks, I'm Corporal Benton Fraser and that's Detective Ray Vecchio," he explained. He pointed to Ray, who had stopped just outside the door. "May we ask you a few questions?"  
Hendriks turned his head, which made him moan. “Cops?" He asked hoarsely, then blinked out of his swollen eyes. "A mountie?" Ray took a few steps closer and pulled out his notebook. "Yes, he’s my partner," he said. "I don't understand.", Growled Hendriks. "You don't have to." Ray hissed angrily and earned a blue look from his unofficial partner. Reproachfully. He sighed.  
"Mr. Hendriks, what happened the night before yesterday?" "Oh, man!" Hendriks groaned. "What should have happened? Look at me, then you know what happened." "Please tell us what exactly happened. From the beginning." Ray said firmly.  
Hendriks tried to laugh, but it turned into a painful cough. "That little bastard wanted to kill me," he snorted. "Who?" Ray asked. "Who else? Josh! My own son! You raise them up, try to give them everything and then ... But it's his mother's fault. She is a damn whore!"  
Ben raised a reassuring hand when he saw Ray's expression. "What did Joshua do?" He asked. Hendriks groaned. "You can see it! Cops ..." he said pejoratively. "The little bastard is on me with an iron bar! He wanted to kill me!" "Did he say that?" "What do I know?!" "Please try to remember, Mr. Hendriks." “I can't remember, damn it!"  
Ray swallowed hard and asked, "Why did he attack you, Hendriks?" "How should I know?" the addressee hissed aggressively. "Isn't it true that you have beaten your wife again and the boy just wanted to help her? And because he's still a kid, didn't he know what to do but help with the iron bar to prevent you from mistreating his mother? Wasn't it like that?"  
Ben gazed out of the corner of his eye at his friend. The tactic that was used wasn't quite fair, but might be effective. And there were no witnesses.  
Hendriks laughed tormentedly and then said, "Honestly, Detective, you're a man too. After all, it's true that the women deserve a bit of thrashing now and then, right? They usually dance on your nose. You do that too, admit it." He grinned slimy.  
Ray huffed in anger and took two steps toward the bed, but Ben jumped up and held him tight.  
"Ray. Ray. Ray," he said, pushing his friend towards the door. "Leave me, Fraser!" He snapped. "Ray!" Ben stared at him. That look brought him back to his senses. Ben was right. He had to keep calm, even if he wanted to kill this bastard with his bare hands.  
Hendriks continued, "What I do to my wife is nobody's business." Ray jumped forward. "AAARRRGH!" He exclaimed angrily. Ben jumped in his path and tried to hold him. "Ray ..."  
But he pushed him aside and Ben slammed his back against the wardrobe. The edge struck his scar and a sharp pain shot through his spine. "Mmph ...," he hissed, dropping to his knees. There was also a bit of a show to distract Ray from Hendriks. That worked mostly. And indeed. Ray stopped in shock. "Benny!", He shouted in horror and jumped to him. "Everything okay?" "Yes," Ben gasped, trying to get back on his feet. Ray helped him. Hendriks grunted. "You are two hearts to me," he growled. Ray let go of Ben and wanted to jump on the man in the hospital bed. "Ray ... oh!" Ben shouted. "Damn." Ray growled. "Let's get out of here, Fraser, before I kill this guy." Ben was more than happy. Slowly he limped to the door, followed closely by Ray, who muttered, "Get out of here. Just get out ... "

Ben stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath. Ray looked at him worriedly. "Are you okay?" "Yes," Ben answered through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry, Benny." Ray said. "Alright." Ben replied, "It was just my back." "Oh." Ray was startled. "Crap! Hey, we’re in a hospital. If you want, we can let check that. Maybe something broke? "Ben gave him the Mountie look and said," That's just silly, Ray."  
He thought again about his postponed medical appointment and what Meg would probably say. "Let's go to the station and give Lt. Welsh Hendriks' statement, even if it isn't much."

Ray was scolding himself all the time while driving to the station. "That bastard, damn it! I wanted to turn his neck around. How can he just say that?! I'll tell you something, Fraser. My old man was bad. I mean, he beat us up regularly too, but that ... " He looked over at Ben. He was a little pale and very quiet. Unusually for him. "Are you sure everything is alright?" Ray asked worriedly. Ben smiled briefly. "Yes, Ray. It's just ... I'm worried about Joshua. What if they took the boy to an orphanage?" "Benny," Ray said gently, "why should they? The city orphanages are overcrowded and he has a mother who can look after him." Ben sighed.  
"Yes, but they will take him away from her. They'll say he's violent, but I promised to protect him. He's worried he's going to jail, Ray." "Children are not going to jail," Ray replied. "I know. But an orphanage would be even worse. Nobody else cares about him there." "Benny," Ray said soothingly, "At the moment he's with you. We'll talk to Welsh now and see how it goes on. Maybe we can make a deal with the youth welfare office."  
Ben looked at him. Interested. "What do you mean?", He wanted to know. "Well," said Ray, "we're looking for a new home for him and his family and maybe psychological treatment for Josh. You know, so he loses his fears. He's ten, damn it!" "I know," Ben answered softly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Ray tell Lt. Welsh about Tom Hendriks half hearted confession. They working on helping Joshua's family but it's not that easy. Ben can't sleep because he's worried about Joshua but Meg's there for him.

Chapter 18

Welsh was already waiting for them. Ray told him under cursing and scolding what had happened, and above all, what Hendriks had said.  
"So he admitted he mistreated his wife more often," the lieutenant said calmly. "Yes, sir." Ray agreed. "Well. That's good.", Welsh replied. "Sir?" Ben gave the lieutenant his best blue eyes. He looked up at him from behind the desk. Ben rubbed his thumb over his brow and cleared his throat. "Um ... what happens to the boy now?" Welsh took a pencil and turned it in his hand.  
"Well, Fraser," he said, "if he could stay with you for a few more days ... His family is currently in a homeless shelter. They definitely don't want to go back to the house. Mrs. Hendriks, her children, and her grandson were medically examined. The baby and the younger kids are okay so far. Mrs. Hendriks has a lot of old injuries, some of them badly healed. Besides ..." Tired, he rubbed his face. At such moments, he hated his job. "... she and her oldest daughter were abused several times."  
Ray and Ben stared in horror at the lieutenant. Ray broke away from his rigidity at first. "Oh, my God ..." he whispered. "This pig."  
"His ... his daughter ..." Ben stammered. "Joshua said something like that Hendriks sometimes pushed his mother into the bedroom and locked the door from the inside ..." Ray stopped and rubbed his face.  
"Okay, men," said Lt. Welsh determined and stood up. "I'll talk to Mrs. Hendriks and her daughter again. When they're ready to report, that bastard wanders behind bars for a long time."  
Ray opened the office door. "We'll come with you, Lieutenant," he said firmly. The lieutenant looked from one to the other and nodded.

Mrs. Hendriks was a small, delicate person who looked much older than she actually was. She crouched in a chair in the small room that had been assigned to her and her children.  
The three children looked at the men with wide eyes as they entered the room. Ben smiled reassuringly at them.  
After introducing themselves, Mrs. Hendriks asked Ben, "Are you the cop where my Joshua is?" Ben smiled and replied, "Yes, ma'am. He's fine. He goes with my son Robert in the same class, the two are friends. Well, the last one wasn't quite true, but Ben wanted to calm Joshua's mother. In addition, the boys get along now really well and he was convinced that they became friends someday.  
"Thank you, Mr. ... Fraser?" "Yes." He nodded. It was okay. She didn't have to call him by grade. Ray and Welsh were in the background. They knew the Mountie was good with humans.  
Ben crouched down in front of Mrs. Hendriks and took her hands in his. Then he said softly but emphatically, "Mrs. Hendriks, nothing will happen to your son, I promise you. He’s still a child and acted out of fear. Lt. Welsh here will look after a lawyer for you, your daughter, and Joshua, but you must help us. You have to testify against your husband. As you know, the police received the medical reports. Your daughter Stephanie should also file a complaint. Because of sexual abuse."  
Mrs. Hendriks began to sob suddenly and Ben took her in his arms.  
"Mommy?" Little John asked anxiously and three-year-old Chloe began to cry. Ray spontaneously went to the children and consoled them.  
After a while, Elisa Hendriks agreed to testify against her husband. Her older daughter lived in the room next door with the baby. She was a bit harder to convince, but in the end she agreed. Ben promised Mrs. Hendriks that she would see her son at the weekend. She thanked the men and the three left the room.

When Meg came home from work in the evening, she found her husband deep in thought sitting at the kitchen table. The tea in the cup before him had long since become cold.  
"Good evening, Ben," she said. The children and the dog were nowhere to be seen. Ben didn't answer right away. He didn't even seem to notice her. She went to him and put her arms around him. He startled. "Meg ...", he gasped breathlessly. "What ... what time is it?" "Seven.", She answered. "Is everything okay, darling?" He blinked and looked at her. "Yes." Meg noticed how tired he looked. "Where are the kids?" She asked. He smiled crookedly. "In their rooms. We had pizza, but I'm afraid there is nothing left. The rest was eaten by Lincoln. He has the same bad habits as his father.“  
Meg chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. "It's okay, Ben, I'm not hungry. The caterer for the Christmas reception has sent a sample. Turnbull and I had enough for four. " She laughed. "Oh," Ben said, pulling her onto his lap. "You had dinner with Turnbull?" Laughing, she gave him a kiss. Then she got up and went to the kitchen cupboard. "But I can use a coffee. How was your doctor's appointment?"  
It caught him without warning. As usual he tried to distract first. "You really shouldn't have coffee at this time," he said. "I have a bit of a headache.", She replied. "All the more reason not to drink coffee." She turned on the coffee machine. "Ben? What does the doctor say?" He didn't answer, saying instead, "I could massage you a little bit, that also helps against headache.“  
She went to him, put her hand under his chin and raised his head so he had to look at her. Then she asked again, "What does your doctor say, Benton Fraser?" He smiled and freed himself from her grip. Then he rubbed his brow. Meg sat down. her knees suddenly went soft and a hot lump exploded in her stomach. If he was like that, something was wrong. The most terrible images shot through her mind. He was seriously ill! Had to be operated again or go for a long time to the hospital! He would finally end up in a wheelchair or …  
"I had to postpone the appointment," he said. "What?" There was relief in Meg's voice. Ben grinned. "I had to postpone the appointment," he repeated. Ray called and said Hendriks was awake and able to be interrogated. I went with Ray then."  
Relieved, Meg took a deep breath. "All right, Ben," she said. "I forgive you for this time. When do you go to the doctor?" "Tomorrow." She nodded. "Call me right then, yes? I'm worried about you."  
"I'm fine, Meg." She got up, walked over to the coffee machine, and poured herself a cup of coffee.  
"What does Hendriks say?" She asked. Ben sighed and massaged his cramping thigh signaling him that he had been in the same position for far too long. He got up, stifled a groan, and limped to the window. Meg watched him over the edge of her coffee cup. "Ben?"  
He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked out the window. He wanted to spare her the details.  
"Not much," he replied. "He has admitted that he is beating his wife." He turned to her and leaned against the window sill.  
"Meg, he not only abused his wife, but also his daughter." Meg stared at him. "Did he confess?" She asked softly. Ben shook his head. "There are medical reports." "Oh, God!" Meg sighed. "And what's next?" Ben shrugged. "Joshua can stay here for now. At the weekend he can see his family. Lt. Welsh takes care of a lawyer. Mrs. Hendriks and her daughter have filed a complaint and are ready to testify. Now we just have to find a new home for the family. Meg, Christmas is coming soon and they have nothing. It will take a while until the trial. I ... I'm going to look for a child psychologist for Joshua. He isn't a violent boy, Meg. He’s just lonely and desperate."  
Meg had walked over to him and put her arms around him. "I know, Ben.", She said softly and put her cheek against his chest. "I also know that someone speaks from experience."  
Ben stroked her hair and kissed it. "Let's get comfortable on the couch," he said.

Ben had fallen asleep on the sofa. Meg had said "good night" to the children and massaged Ben's aching leg. "Oh, Ben.", She sighed softly. He was so worried about Joshua. Well, the boy should see his family again at the weekend. It should be a surprise. Saturday night was the Christmas banquet in the consulate, where she could well use Ben's help. She had already spoken to Ma Vecchio and of course she liked the children. Also, Joshua. She had always been so caring. Meg looked at the clock. It was almost ten. In fact, the dog would have to go out again, but he was in Joshua's room and couldn't be persuaded to leave. He had the same protective instinct as Diefenbaker.  
And like Ma Vecchio. She had to giggle at the thought.  
What the hell? She was supposed to wake Ben so he could go to bed. She was a little sorry, but she didn't want him to spend the whole night on the couch, that wouldn't be good for his ailing health.  
She watched him. He was lying on his back, his legs over hers and his hands on his chest. His head was tilted slightly to the side, his mouth slightly open and he snored softly.  
Meg smiled.  
She loved his snoring. When they met, she never thought her perfect mountie would snore.  
His hair was tattered and a bit too long, which made it curl slightly. That's what she liked. She always liked.  
The first time she realized it was when they were locked up in the incubator and sweating. His wet hair had curls and she couldn't stop looking at him.  
Even though his temples were now slightly gray and the deep crease between his eyebrows sharpened, she still loved him as on the first day.  
He turned his head and groaned softly. It was time to wake him up and put him to bed before he was in pain.

Meg woke up sometime in the night, but didn't know what had woken her. She felt for Ben, but his place was empty. Oh man! Not again! Sure, Joshua had had nightmares again and Ben had heard it with his bat ears. And now he slept again with the boy on the floor. He should better leave that. His doctor also said it wasn't good for his back. The older he got, the worse it got. But that was so typical Ben! He always believed he was invulnerable. He should know it better now.  
The bullet removal was now more than ten years ago. He had been limping through life for more than ten years, but he didn't accept that his health was limited. He never had. He just couldn't, always had to give one hundred percent. Or more.  
His doctor always spoke to him with angelic tongues, he should be a little more careful and take a little more consideration for himself, but that was something that Benton Fraser couldn't. Never had.  
Meg sighed and got up. She turned on the bedside lamp and put on her robe. She had to see what her husband was doing again.  
When she came into the living room, she saw him standing at the patio door. He only wore his underwear, had a glass of milk in his hand, and looked out the window. Meg grinned. At least he didn't drink the milk out of the box.  
"Ben?" He turned slowly and looked at her. "Why aren't you sleeping?" He asked her. "Why don't you sleep?" She asked back. "I can't.", He answered softly.  
Meg went to him, put her arm around his hips and leaned against him. "Are you in pain, darling?", She wanted to know. He sighed. "No ... well, not very much. ... Oh, Meg. I've been in constant pain for years. You get used to everything. But that's not it. I think about the quickest way to find a home for Mrs. Hendriks and her children, or they'll take the children away. The youth welfare office has suggested that the whole family should be mentally cared for to deal with the trauma, but Mrs. Hendriks refuses. She says she just wants to forget all that and look ahead. And she definitely doesn't want to go back to the house. There are too many bad memories. Meg, I don't understand why she doesn't want to be helped. It will be better if she works her past with psychological help. Why does she refuse that?"  
Meg smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Then she said quietly, "Maybe for the same reason that a certain Benton Fraser had refused psychological help when it was most needed?"  
He let her go and looked her in the eye. "That's different," he replied. "Is that it?" Meg leaned back against him and ran her index finger over his chest. "Yes," he said, "I was just physically broken, not mentally." "I'm not sure if there are such clear boundaries, Ben." Meg said. "I think that when a loved one destroys the body, whether it happens intentionally or unintentionally, so suffers the soul too. You know that, don't you, darling?" Ben sighed and rubbed his thumb over his brow.  
He knew she was right. He himself had rejected all kinds of help over the years. He had convinced himself that he would only be strong again if he fought on his own, had believed that he wasn't allowed to be weak, mentally or physically. He had been so wrong! Today he knew that. He had a family that loved him.  
But what about Mrs. Hendriks? Didn't she have to be strong too? For her children? Oh man! This small, petite woman was one of the strongest people he had ever met.  
All these years she had taken physical and mental humiliations because she had loved her husband. But that was over now. Now she had to be there for her children. And she too had to learn to accept help. As he had to learn it then.  
Waking up and admitting that you were weak was very painful. Allowing and accepting it was the first step to healing.  
Ben decided to talk to Joshua's mother about it and tell her about his own experiences. Maybe that would do them both good.  
He set the glass on the table and put his arm around his wife's shoulders. "Come on, let's go to sleep," he said softly, kissing her hair.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua is finally allowed to see his family again, Ray has a surprise and Meg and Ben have their hands full at the Christmas banquet in the consulate. There comes a little distraction just right .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only four chapters left.  
> And it gets hot...
> 
> Enjoy.

Saturday morning. The children were awake early and decided to set the breakfast table. Caroline asked Joshua if he wanted to help. Of course he wanted. The boy enjoyed having a real family life. Robert let Lincoln into the garden and then he went to the kitchen. He made coffee for his mother, tea for his father, and eggs for everyone. Caro and Josh set the table. The girl placed the chocolate cream next to Joshua's breakfast plate. She knew how much he liked it. Ashamed he’d admitted that he’d never eaten anything like this before. Caro had been horrified. A child who’d never had chocolate cream on the bun was unimaginable to her.  
The children were quiet because they didn't want to wake the parents. When Robert Joshua told that he and his sister often made breakfast on the weekend, he was surprised. He didn't know how it was to eat with the whole family. Everyone ate when they wanted and what was right there. If something was there.

Meg woke up and stretched out yawning. She had slept well and sufficiently and above all, consistently. She looked over at Ben. As usual, he was lying on his back and snoring softly. Meg smiled. Tonight was the Christmas banquet at the consulate. Then the Christmas holidays started and they would finally have time for the family.  
In the afternoon, Joshua would see his mother and siblings again, but he didn't know that yet. It should be a surprise. She sniffed. Did she smell coffee? The children had probably made breakfast? Great!  
Ben turned on his side and muttered something incomprehensible. Meg chuckled. He spoke more often in his sleep, but she rarely understood him. Tenderly she kissed his cheek. He opened his eyes and blinked at her.  
"Good morning, favorite mountie.", She said. "Did you sleep well?" "Good morning," he replied, clearing his throat, his voice still rough from sleep. Then he stretched, yawned and said, "I've slept through the first night for a long time, Meg." He sounded puzzled. She laughed. "Yes, and I'm very happy about that," she said.  
Then he sniffed too. “What? Coffee?" Again, Meg kissed him on the cheek. "Yes darling. The kids have made breakfast. Let's get up.“

Later, during lunch, Ben asked, "Joshua, would you like to see your mother and siblings?" Josh looked at him wide-eyed. "Where?" Ben smiled. "I talked to your mom. She's longing for you." The boy seemed confused. How could she long for him after what he had done? "Does she still love me?" He asked shyly. He couldn't believe that. But even if he didn't want to go back. Didn't want to live with the man under one roof who had done so much to him and his family. Then he’d rather go to the children's home. He liked the Frasers very well, but he also knew that he couldn't stay here forever.  
"Of course she still loves you, son." Ben said. Josh wasn't so sure. "Mr. Fraser?" He asked softly, "Do I really have to go back when … when ... he's there?" Ben smiled indulgently. "No, Joshua. But that's best discussed with your mom.“ "Will there be a trial?", The boy wanted to know. "I don't know that." Ben admitted honestly. "But I don't want to go to youth prison. Or to the children's home." Joshua was visibly afraid.  
Ben stroked his hair reassuringly. "Don't worry, kid. I promised to help you and I promise that I will." Josh decided to trust him.

Ben and Ray had decided to meet with Joshua's family at a neutral location and so they chose the park. Ben went with Joshua to a secluded spot with benches and a picnic table. Behind it was a fountain. Ray wanted to pick up Josh's family and bring him to this place. They weren’t there when Ben got there with the boy. They sat down on one of the benches. The boy was pretty nervous. He crouched on the edge, his hands in his pockets, bobbing his feet. Calmingly, Ben put his arm around his shoulders and said, "Don't be afraid, son. Everything will be fine, believe me." Okay, Josh believed him. He was determined not to worry for the moment.  
"Josh!" He heard a child's voice. He looked up. His little brothers came running up to him. Ray, Josh's mother and his sisters came slowly after. Stephanie had the baby with her. Nervously, the boy smiled, but his two younger brothers jumped to him and hugged him tightly.  
"Josh! Josh!", They shouted and he took both of them in his arms. He had tears in his eyes. By now the rest of the family had arrived. Ben greeted them. Mrs. Hendriks went to her son, took him in her arms and burst into tears. "Joshua, my boy!" She sobbed, "I missed you so much." Ben and Ray retreated discreetly.

Mrs. Hendriks talked to her boy for a long time. She told him that she wanted to leave his father and was looking for a new home. And after a job. "When we find something, we’ll all be together again."  
His big sister Stephanie said she already had an apartment for herself and the baby. She would move in next week and Josh could visit her anytime. His mother said she had talked to Mr. Fraser and said that Joshua could stay with him as long as necessary. They went for a walk in the park and Mrs. Hendriks didn't want to let go of her son.  
Josh romped around with his little siblings and seemed like a normal boy for that one afternoon.

Meg and Ben were preparing for the Christmas banquet when the phone rang. They had sent the children to the Vecchios, where they would spend the night. "I'm going." Ben said and limped into the hallway. "Fraser.", He answered. "Hi, Benny." "Ray! Did the kids do anything?" Ben heard his friend laugh. "No, of course not. The Fraser Kids are the most well - educated, polite and helpful children in the area, if not all of Chicago. And they have already rubbed off on Josh.“ "You exaggerate." Ben said and laughed too. Meg called out of the bedroom, "Who’s that, Ben? Hurry up, we have to go. Did you take your medicine?" She came into the hall and tried to slip on the earrings. Ray said, "Is the Dragon Lady ordering you around? Poor friend. I think I have to invite you to a beer." "I'm not drinking." "I know." "Okay, Ray, cut it short. We really have to go.“  
But before Ray could say something, it honked outside and Meg said, "Benton! The taxi’s here. Hurry up!" "Ray ..." "Okay, Benny, but a taxi? You could have asked me. Or you drive. After all, you're not drinking." "I don't know if that's such a good idea right now, Ray. Ben rubbed his brow, "My leg is bothering me at the moment. But that's not important, what's important ..." "Are you okay?" Ray sounded worried. Meg shouted, "If you don't come now, I'll drive without you, Fraser!" Ray chuckled. "I'm fine," Ben sighed. "Why are you calling, Ray?" “All right," Ray said, “I, no, it was actually Frannie. She found an apartment for the Hendriks. And not only that. The butcher of our confidence’s looking for help and Mrs. Hendriks is due to come for trial work next week. The apartment can be viewed on Tuesday. Well, what do you say now?" Ben beamed. "That's great, Ray! Tell your sister that I love her." Ray laughed. "It’s about time, Fraser! That's what she has been waiting for for more than twelve years."  
"Are you coming now or what?" Meg snapped. "I have to go, Ray. Thanks." Ben hung up, took his hat and limped after his wife.

In the taxi, Meg asked, "What did Ray want?" Ben beamed at her. "Frannie has found an apartment for Joshua's family. And Mrs. Hendriks may work with the butcher next week on probation, where the vecchios always buy. He’s looking for help and Francesca has suggested Mrs. Hendriks. Ray will tell her afterwards. I think she’ll be happy about that. Too bad I can't be there, I would love to see her face."  
Meg took his hand and caressed it tenderly. It was so typical of her husband and one of the many things she loved about him. He was happy when others were happy.  
A quiet joy, but so radiant and pure. She said, "You can tell Josh, he's sure to be happy." "I don't know, Meg," Ben said. "Somehow I feel that the boy wants to stay with us." "Is that a miracle? He first learned what it's like to have a real family. But we can't keep him, Ben." She chuckled. "I realize that," he replied, "but we can continue to take care of him.“

The Christmas reception started pretty stressful. Meg had to greet all possible guests and Ben took care of the rest. Turnbull made the entry. Finally, all the speeches were over and the guests were eating. Now Meg, Ben and also Turnbull had some time. Meg went to the buffet and grabbed a plate.  
"Eat something, Ben.", She admonished her husband. "The evening is still long." He rubbed his ear and smiled. "I'm not hungry," he said softly. Meg looked him in the face, looking for signs of pain or discomfort. Reproachfully, she shook her head. "You forgot to take your meds, right?" "Meg ..." "Right, Fraser?" It had been the same fight for years, which frustrated her. Would he ever realize that he needed medication? Probably for the rest of his life. But what was so bad about that? Is the alternative better? Pain and discomfort? "Oh, Ben!" She groaned. "You just don't learn it. At some point, I just don't have the strength to look after you constantly and check that you have taken your medicine." "I probably forgot when Ray called," he admitted softly.  
All right. His doctor had said that he was okay so far. Meg had become accustomed to keeping substitute medicines in her office for him, because he "forgot" to take them even during the day. Then he didn't make it through the day and she had to send him home.  
Sighing, she took him by the arm. "Come with me," she said, leading him out of the banquet hall. "Don't you think I would ..." she began, then stopped herself. Ben followed, as good as a lap dog.  
She stopped in front of her office. "Ben," she said firmly. "The first child-free evening in months and I’ll not give up my husband just because he’s too stubborn to take his medicine." Ben looked at her with huge eyes. Then he grinned cheekily and asked, "And that's why you want me here right now? In the office? Before I'm too weak to ..." "Fraser!", She exclaimed in horror, but then she started to laugh. "Dumbass!" She unlocked the door.  
Ben closed the door behind them, grabbed Meg by the arm and turned her around. She stared open-mouthed at him with her coffee-colored eyes. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her passionately. She tried to get away, but he pressed against her, holding her face in his hands. She felt his erection and grinned inwardly. Benton Fraser had always been into office sex. He picked her up and carried her to the desk. "Ben! No!", She protested weakly. "Shh." He said and kissed her again. Longingly. His hands tried to open the buttons on her blouse, but they were shaking too hard. "Ben ...", breathed Meg. That wasn't the plan! She just wanted to give him the medication.  
Finally he had managed to open her blouse. He pressed his face between her breasts and groaned. "Meg ... I love you. And I missed you." She bit her lower lip as he pushed her skirt up and took off her panties. Then he opened his pants, but damn! He wore the suspenders. With a frustrated gasp, he fumbled at his uniform jacket. Meg chuckled. She wondered if she should help him, but he had taken the lead, so he should finish it. Finally he had made it and dropped the jacket carelessly.  
Then he leaned down to Meg and kissed her again. Desperately, she clung to him.

"Fraser, you fucking bastard!" Meg gasped as they parted. Slowly, Ben caught his breath, pulling up his pants and dropping into Meg's desk chair, exhausted. His back ached insanely and he knew he couldn't have stood up for a second longer. He was getting old. The desk wasn't the best solution for office sex. "Thanks, Meg," he squeezed out as his right leg began to tremble uncontrollably. He put both hands on his thigh to stop it, but it didn't help.  
Meg climbed off the desk, dressed and buttoned her blouse. All the files and whatever else lay on the desk had fallen off and lay scattered on the floor.  
She tried to straighten her hair with her hands. "Fraser, you idiot!" She said with a grin. "What did you think?" She bustily picked up the fallen things again. When he did not answer, she looked over at him and started. "Ben! What's going on?" Immediately she was with him. He said nothing, just shook his head. He was too busy fighting the pain.  
Meg took his hands off his leg and massaged it. He had a seizure. Right after sex. "Hurts, huh?" She asked compassionately. "Hm Mmm.", He said with clenching teeth. "Oh, Ben!"  
They hadn't slept with each other for a long time, and he probably had overexerted himself. But it had only been an office quickie. They had both been so eager for each other that they couldn't stand it any longer.  
Slowly, the spasm subsided and Ben relaxed. He leaned back and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Meg," he said softly. She kissed him and said, smiling, "Don't make it a habit." Then she opened the desk drawer and pulled out the medication. He looked at her in surprise. "You know ... proper preparation ..." She shrugged. He giggled and took good the medicine.  
"What would I do without you, Margaret Fraser?" He asked with a wry grin. "Probably being in pain," she answered, picking up his jacket and hanging it over the back of the chair when it knocked.  
"Yes, please?", She called, looked at Ben and hissed: "Close your fly!" "Oh dear," he said, stertled, and did it.  
Turnbull entered. "Excuse me if I disturb, ma'am," he said apologetically, "but you are missing. The French Ambassador wants to speak to you." Meg sighed. "Tell him I'll be with him in five minutes.Turnbull nodded and looked over at Ben. "Everything alright, sir?" He asked worriedly. Ben rubbed his brow with his thumb and replied, "Yes, thank you, Turnbull.“  
Meg instructed him, "Go and tell the French Ambassador I'll be right over, Constable." Turnbull nodded and left the office.  
"So.", she said and looked at Ben. "Now to you, my dear. You'll lie down on the couch and rest." "Meg!" Big blue Mountie eyes looked at her in protest. She raised her hand defensively. "No! No discussion, mister. You just had a seizure! Right after sex. Ben, if that happens more often, I don't even dare to kiss you anymore." He chuckled. "That was coincidence, Meg. Believe me. That just happened because I forgot to take the medication." "Ben. You have often forgotten to take them and have never had a seizure." He laughed. "I never had hot office sex after that. Oh, God, Meg! I want you again." Meg laughed. "Forget it, you horny Mountie! Off to the couch. If you can't stand it until we get home, take care of yourself. But you better should wait. I'm just saying 'bathtub'." She gave him a quick kiss and he groaned.  
In the bathtub he loved it even more than in the office and the children weren’t at home. Tomorrow was Sunday and they were able to sleep in. They would have the whole night for themselves. But at the thought he was aroused again. He put his hand in his crotch and Meg laughed. "I'm sorry darling, but first I have to satisfy the French ambassador," she said. "Dare you!" He groaned.  
"Okay, Ben. You need some rest. When you're feeling better, you'll come down to the hall." She left the office.  
Slowly he got up and limped over to the couch. It was so long ago that he had spent time with Meg.

About an hour later, Meg finally had some time. She filled a plate for Ben at the buffet and went to her office. Ben lay on the couch and slept. Meg grinned. She walked over, put the plate on the coffee table, and sat down with her husband. Tenderly she brushed the dark curls from his forehead and said softly, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Time to wake up." Then she leaned down and kissed him gently on the mouth. He growled and turned his head. Meg stroked his cheek. "Hello. Wake up, Ben. The Christmas banquet is almost over." He opened his eyes and yawned. He blinked in confusion. Meg kissed him on the tip of his nose. "How are you?", She wanted to know. He sat up. "My back is stiff and my leg hurts a bit, but otherwise I'm fine," he answered honestly.  
She smiled. "OK. I brought you something to eat." He looked at her with his blue eyes. "Thanks, Meg." She laughed. "Get ready, eat something and then come down." He rubbed his face. "How long did I sleep?" "About an hour." "Oh dear. I'm sorry, Meg. I didn't want to leave you alone. I'm afraid I wasn't much help to you today." She kissed him again. "It's okay, Ben. You weren’t feeling well." "Meg ..." "All right, darling. Wash yourself, fix your appearance and come to the hall. But you eat something first." "Yes, sir!" he said, yawning again. Meg slapped him in the chest. "Dumbass.", She said affectionately and left the office. "Oh dear.", Ben sighed and got up.

Around midnight, they also said goodbye to the last guests, cleaned up a bit and then decided to finally go home. They wished Turnbull "Merry Christmas" and got into the taxi.  
"Vacation!" Ben called as he dropped onto the seat. "Yeah, almost." Meg said, squeezing his thigh. "Why almost?", He wanted to know. She sighed. "I'm afraid I have to come back and clean up on Monday. It can't stay that way." "Meg ..." Ben groaned. "There's a cleanup team for that." "Yeah, but I have to monitor that. After all, I'm responsible for the consulate." He took her hand and kissed her fingertips. "Dearest Meg," he said "I'm the control freak in our family." She laughed. "Do you know what would do me good now?" Mischievously, she grinned at him. "A nice, long, hot bath." He put his arm around her, pulled her close and whispered in her ear, "Me too. And to save water, we can take a bath together."  
"I thought so, you horny Mountie.", She whispered back. "But don't cramp again, okay?" "I can't promise." "Ben!" He laughed. "I really can't. But I’ll take my medicine before.“


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg and Ben enjoy the child-free night and the next day everyone makes a trip to the pool. Joshua learns what it's like to grow up in an intact family.

Even during the taxi ride Ben couldn't keep his hands off Meg. When they finally closed the apartment door, he pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. He hugged her and whispered harshly, "I want you, Margaret Fraser." She chuckled. "I notice that." He was already aroused again. "Hey, my sensitive Mountie," Meg said tenderly, stroking his crotch. "What do you think of it when you take your medication and I let water in the tub? After all, I don't want to risk you having a seizure while having sex." "Meg ... " he groaned. She gave him a kiss and broke away from his grip.  
Well, what's up? Bravely he went to the kitchen and took his medicine.  
"Ben?" Meg called from the bathroom. He went to her. "Yes?" She opened her robe and dropped it. "Oh dear!" Ben groaned as she stood before him, as God created her. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, laughing. Then she grabbed his "Sam Brown" and pulled him to her. "Why are you still wearing the uniform?" She asked. With a cheeky grin, he replied, "Because you find me sexy in it." "Yeah, but I still find you sexier naked." She kissed him. He stroked her face and teased her: "Are you sure? Even though I'm full of scars and have a crippled leg?" “That's why.", she breathed and started to undress him. "And besides, you have a beautiful, well-formed ..." "Meg!" He called blushing and closed her mouth with a kiss.

Ben had leaned back in the tub and closed his eyes. Meg leaned on his chest. He kissed her on the hair and stroked her forearms. "I love you, Meg.", He whispered. "I noticed. Three times! Without seizure." He chuckled. Then he said, "But slowly we should switch from the tub to bed, otherwise I can't guarantee that it stays that way."  
Meg, who had been sleepily in his arms, was suddenly wide awake. She put her head back and looked up at him from below. "Everything okay?" He smiled crookedly and gave her a kiss. "Yes, dearest Meg. I'm just a little stiff." "Again?" She laughed. "My back," he protested, blushing over his ears. "I know," Meg said tenderly. "I was just kidding, darling. Come, let's go to bed, maybe we'll get something else stiff there."  
He looked at her wide-eyed and blushed again. She laughed at his horrified expression. That he was still so shy after all these years ...  
At that moment, she loved him more than she thought it would be possible. Tenderly she ran her finger over his scarred thigh and said, "Do you know that I love you so much, Benton Fraser?" He chuckled. "Oho, Margaret!"  
She leaned forward to pull the tub stopper as he leaned over her and kissed her soft, pale neck. "Ben, you horny Mountie!", she called with a laugh and climbed out of the tub.  
Then she looked down at the floor and said, "Be careful not to slip. We've done a pretty mess." He looked over the edge of the tub at the big puddle on the floor. "Oh dear ..", he sighed and rubbed his earlobe. "We forbid the children to do that."  
She laughed. "If we told the kids what we're doing in the tub, they would never want to bathe again." He stared at her with his horrified, blue eyes. "Meg!" She laughed louder. "Do you think I would do that?" He grinned, then changed the subject as he climbed out of the tub.  
"That brings me an idea," he said. Now it was Meg who was horrified and Ben laughed. "Oh no, Margaret! What do you have only for dirty thoughts? I mean, what do you think if we go to the pool with the gang tomorrow?"  
Smiling, she handed him a towel. "Good idea, but now dry and warm the bed. I'll wipe the mess up here." "Let me help you," he said, but she flashed at him. "With your stiff back? Hardly likely. I want you in OUR bed, not in a hospital bed. Off with you, my friend and that naked. I'll be right with you and massage your stiff body parts." He felt his arousal as she said that, he loved it when she gave him a handjob and she knew that." She grinned at him. "And Ben. Let your hair tousled, I like that." He laughed and disappeared.

Meg snuggled up to him and stroked his chest. They were both naked and loved to lie skin to skin. It had cost Meg a lot of time to convince Ben to sleep naked. He had been afraid of being vulnerable and unprotected.  
Before the children were born, and when they were very young, they had often done so, although Ben preferred to sleep in a t-shirt or at least in an undershirt after surgery. He was ashamed of his scars and wanted to spare Meg the sight. It took her a lot of persuasion to make him realize that she loved him the way he was. Also with scars and a crippled leg.  
Today they seldom slept naked. Mostly when the kids weren’t there. Because Caroline sometimes came to the parents' bedroom and snuggled up between them. Mostly when she had a bad dream or was sick. For a while, the girl had suffered from nightmares and Meg wanted to go to a child psychologist with her until Ben found out that she was secretly reading horror stories in the evening. And the child had a blossoming imagination. He agreed with her that if she liked the stories so much, she should read them during the day and behold, the nightmares vanished.  
Ben smiled at the thought. He, too, had loved horror stories as a child. But his nightmares didn't come from it. He had had to fight real demons. He tried to shake off the unwelcome thoughts.  
A childhood as a half-orphan, with a father who was so rarely at home that he barely knew his son, grew up with strict grandparents and in so many different places, wasn't wonderful. He had been a lonely, little bookworm.

"What are you thinking about?" Meg asked sleepily, circling his nipples with her fingers. “Books," he answered. “You’re kidding," she giggled. "Yes," he said, turning his head and looking at her. He took her hand that was stroking his chest, and put his other hand under his head. "Do you remember when Caroline secretly read ghost stories in bed and got nightmares afterwards?" Meg chuckled. "And we had no idea. I already wanted to consult a psychologist." Ben kissed her fingers. "I also loved ghost stories as a kid. Robert, on the other hand, likes more detective stories. He later wants to become a police officer. Where, at the moment he has discovered his enthusiasm for science, so there's still hope that he'll learn a decent job.“

Meg laughed softly. "Ben? We have the whole night for us and you talk about the children. I have completely different ideas." Again she began to stroke him. First over the chest, then the stomach, to the dark curls in his crotch. "Meg, I don't know if ..." He jerked. "Oh!", she giggled. "But I know," she said tenderly as she began to massage him.  
It wasn't long before he was ready. For the fifth time that night.  
"Benton Fraser, my perfect, sensitive Mountie. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a third child?" "What?!" Startled, he jerked back, but Meg held him tight. He sucked in the air through his teeth. "Oh, did I hurt you?" Meg asked worriedly. "Meg, I think we're not young enough for a third child." Again she giggled. "I know that, dumbass. YOU could still, if I look at this, but I'm almost forty-eight. Caroline was already late and we can be happy that everything went well and she’s healthy. We have been waiting for too long. With us. Then you were so sick and ..."  
"Meg," he interrupted, moving his hips. Then he pushed into her hand and groaned. She bit her lower lip. "Pity," she said, "I would have liked to have a little Benton." "Oh, Meg!" He gasped. "Another one who has to walk around with that name. Most off all here. In the States." "I think it's a nice name.," she said. "Exceptional, like its owner." "Is ‘exceptional’ a different name for Freak?" He grinned. She replied, "I prefer dumbass." Then he took her hand and led her. After a few minutes it was over.  
Before he could retaliate he fell asleep.  
Meg smiled and gently stroked his hair out of his forehead. "I love you, you freak.", She whispered.

It was late in the morning when Meg woke up. She was hungry. And happy. Ben was still asleep. Well, it had been a busy day. And a busy night. She was immensely grateful to Ma Vecchio for taking the kids over the weekend. Including Joshua, the temporary foster child.  
Meg and Ben were invited to lunch at the Vecchios and in the afternoon they wanted to go swimming with the children. It had been Ben's suggestion. The kids would have fun and also Ben liked to be in the water. There he could move more easily and felt his motor restrictions not so much.  
She looked over at him and thought about how he had suddenly convulsed yesterday in the office. It had been ages since this happened, and she had been terrified. Secretly she had hoped that it was over, but she had never told him that. He was already bothering enough with it and would only believe again that he was disappointing her because he couldn't live up to her expectations.  
She had no expectations. She was glad that he was alive and could see his children grow up.  
Tenderly she kissed his cheek. He turned his head and growled. At first it had always frightened her because he sounded almost like Diefenbaker, but by now she had gotten used to it. He didn't realize he did that, just as he didn't realize he often talked in his sleep. Mostly she didn't understand him and sometimes he spoke in a foreign language. Often in Inuktitut. He had grown up with this language.  
Meg knew he still carried many demons from the past, but nothing could change that.  
But she loved him and was always there for him, even if it wasn't always easy.  
What the hell? Quietly she got up and put on her robe. Ben should still sleep. When breakfast was ready, she wanted to wake him up.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Meg leaned down to her husband and kissed him. With a jerk, he sat up and stared at her. Then he fell back groaning in the pillow.  
"Ben!" Startled, Meg had jumped back. "Sorry," he murmured, "I ... I was dreaming.“ He rubbed his face. "So?" Said Meg, "What did you dream that you have to scare me like that?" "That ... that I don't know." He stammered.  
Smiling, she stroked his hair out of his forehead. "Come have breakfast," she said. He pulled her close and kissed her. "I want you for breakfast.", He said harshly and opened her bathrobe. "Horny Mountie.", She giggled, then she groaned as he ran his tongue over her nipples. "Oh God! Not again!" He grinned.  
All right, she decided. The breakfast could wait…

"Ben?" Meg had asked him again and again if he wanted coffee. But he looked out the window and didn't answer. He seemed to be miles away. She put her hand on his. He started, then smiled. "Meg ..." "God, Ben! Where have you been with your thoughts?"  
"I ... um ...", he rubbed his brow with his thumb. "That was a wonderful night with you," he said softly. "I've missed you so. We would have to do that much more often." She chuckled. "If we do that more often, it would kill me." "What?" She kissed his cheek. She was aware that affection and love had been a rare commodity in his past, and so he clung to every caress he could somehow get. That had been so from the beginning.  
"I love you, Ben. Always. Even if we can't do that more often. And so such evenings and nights will always be something special."

In the afternoon, as promised, they went swimming with the children. Caroline talked all the time. Robert rolled his eyes and said angrily, "Can't you even shut up? You're annoying." "Mom! "Exclaimed Caroline angrily. "Stop arguing, kids." Ben said in his calm tone. "We want to enjoy the afternoon as a family."  
He had noticed how quiet Joshua was. Already at the Vecchios during lunch. "Joshua? Are you okay?" He asked the boy. "Yes, Mr Fraser. ", Josh replied, but Ben knew something was on his mind.

Arrived in the swimming hall they changed into their swimsuits and entered the swimming pool. There were several different pools and two slides.  
Caroline enthusiastically took Joshua's hand and shouted, "Come on, Josh! We're going to slide!" Josh had never been to the swimming pool and looked around overwhelmed. "Slow, princess.", Her father said. "Let Joshua get his bearings first. We're looking for a place to sit now and then there are some rules first, so that no one gets lost." The girl groaned and Meg grinned. That's how Ben was. Always worried about the safety of others. Just not his own.  
They found some free deckchairs and hired them. "Good, family," Ben said and was then unexpectedly interrupted by Joshua. "I'm not one of them." Ben looked at him and frowned. "Today you are, son," he said. "Until you can go back to your own family. And until then, the rules will apply to you as well. So, you can move freely here, but every half hour we meet here to make sure everyone’s fine. That goes for you too, Caroline Fraser." The girl in her purple and white striped swimsuit looked at him angrily. "Dad!" She said reproachfully.  
Ben continued: “There are clocks everywhere. So you can't tell me that you missed the time. If you want something, come to us and ask. You too, Joshua. I don't want to hear complaints from the lifeguards. You behave respectfully and politely."  
Meg took his hand. "Ben? Let them go. You see, they can't wait to fool around in the water and I think they know how to behave."  
He looked at her wide-eyed. Meg nodded with a smile and Ben said, "Well, get on with it!" The kids ran away.  
He sighed and sat down in the deckchair. Meg sat down next to him. "Are you okay?" She asked when she saw him massaging his thigh. "Yes," he answered. "Meg? Am I really that bad?" She chuckled. "Overly anxious, sometimes. The kids are smart enough to know what they are allowed to do and what not. They're Frasers." "Oh dear," he groaned, leaning back. Meg laughed. "Relax, darling. Nothing will happen to them. Let it go, we have vacations." He nodded and closed his eyes. She was right.

"Go on, Josh!" Caroline shouted. "Come over! The slides are so cool!" "Leave him alone," her brother warned. "He can decide for himself what he wants to do, even if he’s our brother now." Josh stared at Robert. "What?" He asked confused. Robert grinned. "Sure, man. Now that you have to follow Fraser's rules, you're officially included in the family."  
Josh's eyes lit up. Caro talked nonsense the whole time, but he believed Robert. "Well. Let's go slide!" He called laughing.  
When they didn't feel like it anymore, they went swimming for a few laps. "Rob?" Josh asked. "What is it?" "Your dad ... why does he have so many scars?" Josh didn't want to be disrespectful, but he was just ten and curious.  
"Oh, that's just because he was injured so often on duty." Robert replied casually. Secretly he was somehow proud that his father had so many scars. That was cool. He was a hero. "Were that criminals who hurt him?" Joshua wanted to know. Now Caroline answered, "Almost. Except for the scar on his back, this was Uncle Ray.  
Dad had the bullet in his back for years, but when he fell off the apple tree in Vecchio's garden, the bullet shifted and they could get it out. That wasn't possible before, because it had sat too close to his spine. He almost died. He was even in a wheelchair, but now everything’s okay. Except when his leg hurts." The girl sounded almost proud. "His leg looks weird, doesn't it?" She asked Josh. He answered in embarrassment: "No idea, I only noticed the many scars." He didn't want to know that exactly. "I want to be a cop as well," Robert said.  
"Hello, kids," they heard a voice behind them. "Daddy!" Caroline shouted, hanging on to her father. "Pull me!" Ben laughed. He romped around with the children in the water until they had no strength left.  
"I'm hungry!" Caroline shouted. "You too?" Ben asked the boys. "Yes!" Josh called without thinking. "Hamburger with fries, that's it!" Caroline grinned at him. The boy blushed. "Oh, um ...", he said sheepishly. How could he make demands? He was only a guest. But hadn't Rob said that he was their brother now?  
"Hamburger with fries sounds great," Robert said, slapping his wet hand on Josh's back.  
"Good," Ben said. "I want an ice cream!" Caroline shouted. Ben frowned at her. "Ice cream? I think you're hungry?" "Yeah, I'm hungry for ice cream." The girl answered. "But ice cream doesn't help against hunger," her father told her. "On ice cream you can at best have an appetite." Then he smiled and said indulgently, "Be glad you don't know what's hungry." "I do." Joshua said softly. Everyone looked at him. He lowered his head and felt ashamed. "Well," Ben said, "that's right, but that's over now. You can eat as much as you like. Same thing for everyone. Come on! Whoever is first at the other end of the pool may decide what to eat! "The children jumped into the water and swam off.

Meg lay in her deckchair and watched the goings on. She smiled. Ben had such a good hand for children. Even for such problem cases as Josh. She thought it was a pity they didn't have more children, but it was just too late.  
When Caroline was born she was almost thirty-nine and it hadn’t been easy. She had had great problems during pregnancy. She almost lost the child. Ben would have been heartbroken. His little princess.  
After Caroline, Meg got pregnant again. At forty-one. Ben was happy and did everything for her to make her feel good. Her gynecologist, Dr. Green, who took care of her during her first pregnancy, said it was a risk. After all, she had already had problems with Caroline. But Meg was fighting. For Ben. He had a boost back then and he wasn't feeling well for nearly four weeks. Since he was on sick leave at the time, he took care of the children and the household and made sure that Meg was resting. She smiled as she thought back to it.  
In the twelfth week she lost the child. She woke up in the middle of the night because she was in terrible pain. She woke Ben. He was shocked when he saw the bloody sheet, but immediately fell into his police mode, organized everything and took her to the hospital. But it was too late. She couldn't hold the child. It had been a little boy. Benton Ray. That's what they wanted to name him. SHE wanted to name him that. Now little Ben Jr. was with his grandparents in heaven and they took care of him.  
The big Ben mourned for a long time for his little son. He was crying for days. Well, actually for nights. During the day he worked. For his children. And for Meg. But he was sad at night. He often sat in the garden playing the guitar. Sometimes Meg joined him and then they consoled each other. It had been a big loss for both of them.  
Meg had the baby's last ultrasound image print on canvas and wrote the date on it when they lost him. Ben hung it up in the bedroom.  
Dief died half a year later, and this put her husband off track completely. The wolf had finally been his oldest and most faithful friend. Poor Ben. He had to endure so many losses in life.  
But now he seemed happy. How he raged with the children through the water. She knew that he was going to be completely exhausted and tonight in bed he would whine and moan again because he was in pain. But when asked what was going on, he would answer as usual, “I’m fine, Meg. Sleep."  
Then she would sigh, get up and get him the hot water bottle and his painkillers. That's how it always went. For years. She smiled. That had already become a ritual.

Ben won the competition and climbed out of the pool. Robert and Joshua were both at the finish and Caroline lost.  
Of course she scolded and lamented that it would be unfair, after all, she was much younger and besides a girl ...  
"Well?", said Rob, "That doesn't bother you otherwise." "At least you could have given me a head start," she nagged. "Nope!" Robert called. "Same right for all." "But Dad’s grown up ..."  
Ben took her in his arms. "Life isn't fair, princess," he said tenderly. "And I was just using my disability bonus." "What's a disability bonus, Dad?" "Oh, man ..." Robert groaned. "Are you stupid!" Ben looked at him sternly. "Pay attention to your expressions, son." "Sorry," the boy muttered.  
Joshua once again wondered how loving and yet strict it was in the Fraser family. He liked that.  
"Do you know what we do?" Ben asked. The children looked at him, shaking their heads. "We split the price," he suggested. "I'll give each of you a quarter of my profit so everyone can choose what they want to eat." "Sounds fair," Josh said. "Phew!" Caro made. "If dad had determined what we're eating you could have forgotten the hamburgers. Then there would be something healthy. He used to shovel fast food into himself. Anyway, says Uncle Ray." They laughed. Ben said, "Well, your uncle Ray is a chatterbox. I think I have to speak a serious word with him. He undermines my authority."  
The children were happy. Then they went together to their place by the deckchairs.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg lets Ben sleep in while she makes her way to the consulate to fix the remains of the Christmas banquet.  
> The kids are out with the dog when the phone rings. Ray asks Ben to come to the station immediately.  
> While he's with the state attorney and Mrs Hendrik's lawyer talks about the rest of the procedure, the children come home, but no one is there.  
> Ray's family gave Ben a quad (ATV) for Christmas a few years earlier, which he can ride with his mobility problems, but Meg doesn't want him using it in the snow. But now he hasto be urgently on the spot and Ray has no time to pick him up. So he takes the vehicle anyway.  
> Joshua proves that he can do more than just let the Fraser's take care of him ...

"The kids are sleeping," Meg said and snuggled up to Ben on the couch. "Fine.", He smiled tiredly and put his arm around her. "I have to go back to the consulate tomorrow," Meg said. "Hmm.", Ben hummed. She looked at him. He had his head back and his eyes closed. "Hey, Mountie.", She grinned, "Was it a hard day?" "Hmm," he answered again. She sighed. "Alright. Then I suggest you take your medicine and disappear in bed." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "No. I still want to be with you. She kissed his cheek. "That's okay, darling. I can tell you how tired you are and we had all last night for us." "That was nice," he said softly and pulled her close. "Yes, that's it.", She agreed and began to stroke him. "We don’t have that much." "Meg? Do you really need to go to the consulate tomorrow?" "Yes. I'm responsible for making sure everything is in order before we start the Christmas holidays." He sighed in frustration. "Come on, Ben." "We also have to do Christmas shopping." "We'll do that in the afternoon." "And we'll have to take care of Joshua, too," he said. "I hope the trial is still before Christmas and the apartment ready for the Hendriks. It would be the best Christmas present for them if they finally had it all over. Especially for the boy."

That night happened exactly what Meg had foreseen. Ben was in pain and rolling around. Sighing, she got up and brought him painkillers and the hot water bottle. "Thanks, Meg," he mumbled. "Yes, yes," she grumbled. "All right. That will probably never change." She snuggled up to him and fell asleep again.

"So, kids," Meg instructed the three after breakfast. "I drive to the consulate now and look if everything is alright. Your father is still sleeping. Do me the favour and let him sleep, yes? So, be quiet. Roger that? I will be back soon. Take care of Lincoln."  
"Mom?" Robert asked. "What about Dad?" She smiled and stroked his head reassuringly. "He's okay. He didn't feel so good at night, he slept badly." Robert looked at her wide-eyed. He looked just like Ben. "Really," she reassured him. "He's fine, he just needs some sleep.“

The children got dressed, took the dog and left the house. Robert had made a note for their dad so he wouldn't have to worry if he got up and they weren’t at home.  
They went down to the river. The advantage to live on the outskirts was that you had a piece of nature and the city was still not far away.  
They trudged through knee-deep snow. Lincoln jumped ahead and seemed to enjoy himself. They ran along the river, then through a piece of forest. Caroline exclaimed, "Let's go find some sticks and make hockey sticks. Then we'll find a pond." "But we don't have any skates." Robert interjected. "So what?" His sister answered. "It's also OK without them." Then she turned to Joshua, "Can you skate, Josh?" He shook his head. "I can't even play hockey." She laughed. "Never mind, I'll teach you.“  
Joshua turned out to be a natural. "Hey!" Caroline shouted, "Are you sure you're not a Canadian?" They laughed. "You can skate, Josh," Robert said. "You just didn't know it. Hidden talents often dwell in us, we just have to discover them. Sometimes that happens by accident and sometimes ..." "Robert!", interrupted his sister. "Shut up!" Then she looked apologetically at Joshua and said, "He's just like Dad."  
"Wish ice skates for Christmas, Josh!" Caroline shouted after a while. "And then we register you with us in the ice hockey club. Mom used to play there too." Joshua shook his head sadly. "We can't afford that, Caro. And besides, if I have to go to youth detention ..." "Josh!" Caroline was outraged. “Don't even think that! Dad and Uncle Ray will not let that happen!"  
To distract Josh asked, "Your mom played ice hockey?" Caro's eyes gleamed. "Yes," she replied proudly. "She was actually pretty good. But that was before we were born." "And your dad?" Josh wanted to know. "He also played hockey as a kid. And then he played sledge hockey. He still does that today. Not anymore regularly."  
"What's that?" Josh was curious. Caroline loudly replied, "Hockey for the disabled." "Caro!" Robert shouted indignantly. The girl pouted. "It's like that. There everyone has a disability. Some don't even have legs. They're sitting on a sledge with only one skid. You have to be able to do that. And, Rob, Dad is downright invalid, whether you believe it or not. Come on!" She took Josh by the hand and pulled him onto the ice. "Let’s continue playing."

The telephone was ringing. Ben growled and pulled the blanket over his head. "Can't someone even answer it?" He mumbled. It kept ringing. Ben groaned. Did Meg forget to switch on the answering machine?  
Slowly he sat up and rubbed his face. "Okay … I'm coming," he grumbled and climbed out of bed.  
"Fraser," he growled into the phone. He heard Ray laugh. "Hey, Benny! Did I wake you up? It's half past ten!" "Oh dear ... ", Ben sighed. "Are you okay?" Ray sounded worried. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine." Ben answered. "I ... I didn't have such a good night, I suppose Meg let me sleep for that." He looked around. Neither Meg nor the kids seemed to be home. "Fine," Ray said. "Can you come to the station? Mrs. Hendriks is here and the prosecutor. We want to see that we get it all done before Christmas." "Oh ...," Ben said. "What is it?" Ray asked. "How fast can you be here, Benny?" Ben rubbed his brow. "Um ... in an hour?" "What?" Ray seemed outraged. "Too long, Fraser! Can you make it in a half?" "Ray ..." "St. Laurent doesn't have much time and ..." "Ray!" "What?!" Ben sighed. "You know, I'm not as fast as I used to be. Besides, Meg has the car and on foot it just takes. Especially if you ..." "I know," Ray said sadly. "Hey, Benny!" He called suddenly. "The ATV!" Ben sighed again. "Meg doesn't allow me to drive on snow." Ray chuckled. "I'd pick you up, Fraser, but I can't leave here now." "Okay," Ben said, "I'll take the quad. Also at the risk of trouble." He grinned. Laughing, Ray called, "That's how I know our Mountie!“

“About time!" Ray shouted as Ben came to the station. He gave him a look. Together they went to Lt. Welsh's office, where the state attorney Louise St. Laurent and Mrs. Hendrik's lawyer were already waiting. "Hello," Ben said, smiling apologetically. "Sit down, Corporal. This will take longer," said Lt. Welsh. Ben frowned. Welsh offered him a seat? He hesitated. "What is it?" Welsh asked. "I think it's better if you sit down. Because of your ... um ... restriction." He pointed his hand briefly at Ben's leg. St. Laurent looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Embarrassed, Ben rubbed his ear and muttered, "Thank you, sir." Then he sat down on the sofa and looked over at Ray. He grinned wide.  
"Good," said the state attorney and leafed through a file. "Mr. Baker, Mrs Hendriks lawyer and I have come to the conclusion that the boy, Joshua, shouldn't be in the juvenile detention. We’ll appeal to self-defense. Mrs. Hendriks is more than happy with that."  
Mr. Baker interjected: "Mr. Hendriks is likely to file a complaint anyway, but his wife confirms there have been repeated acts of violence against her and her children. Likewise to sexual abuse. Not just to Mrs Hendriks, but also towards her now grown daughter Stephanie. Mrs. Hendriks and her daughter have also filed a complaint. In addition, Mrs. Hendriks filed for divorce.“  
The lawyer looked at Ben and asked, "The boy is staying with you temporarily, Corporal Fraser?" Ben rested his elbows on his knees and cleared his throat. "Um ... yes, sir. With the consent of the mother. You know, Joshua and my son are in the same class. That's how I became aware that something was wrong with the boy. Joshua is a decent kid and if he does something like that, there must be a reason. He was desperate because he had to watch for years as his father abused his mother. He and his siblings have been abused again and again." St. Laurent asked," Did he talk to you about this, Fraser?" "Yes ma'am." "Good. The family, and especially Joshua, definitely needs psychological help." "I've got that with Mrs. Hendriks already spoke and she agrees," said Mr. Baker. "Nice. There will be a hearing and then we will see," said the state attorney. “You get informed."

When the children and the dog came home wet, dirty and hungry, no one was there. "Dad?" Robert called. No answer. Caro looked in the bedroom. "Hm. The bed isn't made and dad didn't leave a message. He had to leave urgently." Robert looked out of the window. "He took the quad. There are tire marks in the snow in front of the garage." "Oh dear," groaned Caro. "Then it really has to be an emergency. Mom has forbidden him to drive in snow." "Mom hasn’t forbidden anything." Robert said angrily. "Dad is an adult and can make his own decisions.“ He fed Lincoln. Josh looked from one to the other and grinned. "What is it?" Caro snapped. Josh's grin widened. "You two talk like cops," he said. Rob grinned now as well. "Well, it probably runs in the family." What Josh had said made Caro proud, so she decided not to argue with her brother.   
"Okay, I'm hungry, who else?" She asked, opening the fridge. "Heh, should I cook?" Josh asked. The Fraser kids looked at him in surprise. "You can cook?" Astonished Caro raised his eyebrows. "Sure!", Josh exclaimed proudly. "I often do that at home when Mom works. Or if ... she's not feeling so well," he added softly. "Is she sick?" Caro asked curiously, but Rob knew what Josh meant and punched his sister in the ribs. "Hey, dumbass!" She scolded, but he didn't answer. "Come on, Josh, let's see what's there.“ He opened the fridge.  
"Hm," Josh thought. "Chicken breast and lots of fresh vegetables. Brilliant! Do you have pasta, too?" Caro nodded. "Good," Josh said. “Let's make a chicken pan with pasta." "So complicated stuff can you do?" Caro was impressed. Josh laughed. "That's not so complicated. Watch out." He prepared the ingredients and distributed the tasks. Finally he was able to return the favour to the Frasers. Half an hour later the food was ready.  
Caro set the table. They had cooked so much that it would be enough for Meg and Ben too.  
They were just eating and Caro praised Josh exuberantly for his cooking when the door opened and Meg came in.  
"Hello? Someone at home?" She called. "Yes, we!" Caro called back. Meg hung her coat on the coat rack and came into the kitchen. "Hmm, it smells good," she said. "Josh cooked," Caro answered proudly. The boy looked embarrassed. "Caro and Rob helped," he said softly.  
Smiling, Meg stroked his head. "Would you like something to eat, Mom?" Robert wanted to know. "There's still a lot left, it's still enough for you and Dad." "Gladly." Meg answered and pulled a plate out of the cupboard. "Because we're talking about your father right now, where is he?" She asked. Rob looked at her with wide eyes and rubbed his earlobe in embarrassment. Meg smiled. He reminded her so much of Ben. The boy said, "He had to leave urgently. We were out and when we came back, he was gone." Caro commented," Yeah and it was really important because he left no message, the bed wasn't made and besides, he took the quad.“  
Robert kicked under the table against her shin. "Ow!" She called. Meg frowned. "He has what?!" She got up and walked to the window. When she saw the tire tracks in the snow, she mumbled, "That damn ..." "Mom!" Robert interrupted her. "You really shouldn't worry. Dad’s old enough to know what he's doing and it really must have been urgent. Don't worry, nothing will happen to him."  
"Young man!", Meg started. "How are you talking to your mother?" "Mom!" Caro intervened. "Rob’s right. Maybe Dad had to go to Uncle Ray? Sit down and enjoy the food. Josh can really cook very well. Maybe I'll marry him when we grow up?"  
Josh blushed, Rob stared at his sister with Ben's blue eyes, and Meg started to laugh. "Did you ask him if he wants that at all?"  
She sat down at the table again.  
"Sorry, Joshua," she said. "You cooked such a great dish and I don't appreciate it because I'm worried too much."  
She ate with great appetite. "It tastes really delicious," she said between bites. "Thank you, Joshua. There the Fraser kids can take another example." "Mom!" Caro moaned and Meg grinned.  
After the meal, they cleared the table together and Josh wanted to take care of the dishes. Meg stroked his hair. “It's okay, sweetheart, I'll do it." Josh looked at her questioningly. "But I cooked, so I'm responsible for the kitchen too, Mrs. Fraser." She smiled. "You're a fine boy, Joshua Hendriks, you know that? Is okay. Go play, I'll do the rest."  
They heard Ben's quad in the driveway. "There's trouble now," Caro said. "Let's disappear."

Ben had been to lunch with Ray and later wanted to visit Mrs. Hendriks to tell her the news and discuss the rest. But first he had to go home. He had forgotten his phone again and the kids didn't know where he was. Besides, it was time for his medicine.  
As he drove into the driveway, he saw Meg's car. "Oh dear," he sighed. So she was already at home. Surely she had noticed that he had taken the quad. Well, he could get ready for something.  
He drove the quad into the garage and walked over to the house. Before he entered, he took a deep breath. OK. He would already explain to her that it had been necessary to take the quad. After all, it was something of an emergency. And it was about Joshua.

He entered the hallway and took off his jacket and boots. When he straightened up, Meg stood in the doorway. She crossed her arms over her chest and flashed at him.  
"Hi.", He said and grinned crookedly. She only nodded. "I hope you have a good excuse for this action, Benton Fraser." He grinned, rubbed his ear and said, "Um ..."  
"Um, is no excuse," Meg said hard. "It was an emergency," he said softly, then told her what had happened. "Fine," she replied. "Be forgiven for this time. But don't think I'll visit you at the hospital if you have an accident."  
"Meg ..." he said reproachfully, then he saw her smile. He smiled back and said tenderly, "I love you, Dragon Lady.“

When they were in bed that night, he told her that Mrs. Hendriks was very happy about the new apartment and that they could move in the next few days.  
"Then Joshua goes home again?" Meg asked. "Yes." Ben folded his hands behind his head.  
Meg started stroking his chest and said, "Pity, I got used to the boy." Ben smiled. "Me too. But I think we’ll not release him that fast. He can visit us anytime."  
"Do you know what the kids told me?" Meg asked. Ben leaned on one elbow, took her hand and kissed her fingertips. "What?"  
"Joshua wants skates for Christmas. Caroline says he's a passable ice hockey player." "Passable? THAT she said?“ Meg laughed. "These funny words she probably has from her father." "Hey!" Ben called with mock indignation.  
Meg gave him a quick kiss. "Shall we give him some skates?" "Of course." Ben replied. "And the annual contribution in the hockey club. Then our Canadian kids get serious competition." Meg laughed. "Good idea. Now sleep with me, Mountie!"  
She didn't need to tell him twice.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua is finally allowed to go home to the new apartment. Now it's the last night he spends with the Frasers.  
> For Ben and Ray, it's of course a matter of honor to help the Hendriks with the move.  
> That night, Josh gets scared and Ben is there to comfort him. He tells him the story when his mother died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the story Ben Joshua tells seems familiar, it's because it's been released under the title "Caribou." A story in the story, so to speak. Sometimes I detach stories that can stand alone, out of others and publish them as individual stories.  
> Thank you for your loyalty and enjoy reading .

"What are you doing?" Meg stood in the kitchen and looked at her husband, who put on his jacket and took the hat. "Ray will pick me up right away, we'll help the Hendriks move. I told you that they move into the new apartment today," he replied.  
Meg stared at him. “Yes, you have. But not that you are about to ruin the last bit of health with hauling furniture, that has left to you" "Meg!" He frowned. "No!" She slapped her hand on the kitchen table. "Meg, please ..." He went to her and took her by the upper arms, so she had to look at him. "Look at me, Meg," he said firmly. "Hey, I know what I can trust. Come on. We have professional furniture carriers with us. I promise you, I'll just take light stuff."  
She didn't seem convinced. She knew her husband.  
"Meg ... it's okay. In addition, Ray will be watch out that I don't overdo it. He’s at least as bad as you." He grinned and looked her in the eye. "Please," he whispered. "Please, please ..." Now she had to smile. “Moron," she said tenderly. He kissed her.  
Then the doorbell rang. "Oh, that's for sure Ray." He broke away from her to answer the door.  
"All right," she said. "Go! But if you're in pain tonight, you're going to get the hot water bottle yourself, okay?" He grinned. "Understood, sir!" "Get out, you ...!" "I love you!"

When Ben came home early in the evening, he was quite exhausted, but went to great lengths to hide it from Meg.  
"Good timing, Mountie," Meg said as he entered the house. "Dinner is ready." He wasn't hungry, but he knew that if he said anything, she would be worried again.  
He took off his jacket and boots, went to her and kissed her. "Where are the children?" He asked. "Upstairs." She looked at him. "What is it?", He wanted to know. She grinned. "Your back is killing you, right?" He was surprised. How could she know that? He had gone to such lengths to hide the pain from her.  
Embarrassed he rubbed his ear. "Um ..." She shook her head. "Take a hot shower, Ben and your pain medication. I'll go get the kids." Grateful, he smiled.  
At dinner Ben told about the Hendriks' new home. "You have your own room, Joshua," he said. "And your mom says you can do it the way you want." "Really?" Joshua was astonished. "Yes," Ben replied. Caroline said, "Then you will go home again?" "Hm. Yes." Somehow, Joshua was sad. He had got used to the Frasers. Caro grinned. "Well, don't worry. You'll still be our brother."

A few days later, the Frasers made their Christmas shopping. Joshua was also there. It was the last day for him with the Frasers. Tomorrow he should go back to his family. Somehow he was sad about it, although he was looking forward to his mom and siblings. But the Frasers had become something of a second family to him. Robert, whom he initially disliked at school, was now his best friend. And his little sister was a real nuisance, but he still liked her.  
And he had learned an important lesson. He would never judge anyone again until he got to know him properly. Like he did with Robert and his dad.  
"Hey, Joshua, are you okay?" Ben had noticed how quiet the boy was. "Yes, sir.", He replied quietly, "I just thought." Caro interjected: "Are you happy that you can go back to your family?" Josh smiled. "Yeah, yeah ... but somehow I'm sad too. It was nice with you. I ... I saw a real family work for the first time." Then he looked at Ben. "Mr. Fraser? What happens to me now? Do I have to go to the youth detention center?"  
Ben took his hand and answered honestly, "I don't know, son, but I promise you one thing. Detective Vecchio and I will do everything we can to get you out of this."

Ben woke up the next night because he was in pain again. That was not unusual. Quietly, so as not to wake Meg, he got up and went to the kitchen to get his painkillers. Meg always said he should put it on the bedside table so he wouldn't have to get up when he needed it. But he didn't want that. He thought that if it were directly available, it would be easier to take it much more often.  
If he was too tired to get up, he renounced it and tried without getting along. So he couldn't get used to it. He believed.  
But often Meg woke up frustrated because he rolled around and groaned and brought him the painkillers. He had never told her why he didn't want to put it on the bedside table. She wouldn't understand.

He sat at the kitchen table, a glass of water in his hand, massaging his aching thigh. He hadn’t turned on the light, just wanted to sit there for a few minutes until the painkiller worked. Outside the wind howled and it was snowing again. He smiled. That's the reason for his pain. He felt every change in the weather in his sick leg and back.  
Lincoln realized that something was wrong and came to the kitchen. He nudged his nose into Ben's hand and whimpered.  
Ben smiled at the dog and thought of Diefenbaker.  
Suddenly he heard a noise from above. Something like a dull scream.  
Even Lincoln seemed to have heard it. He raised his head and began to whine. "What was that?" Ben asked softly. The dog ran out of the kitchen and to the stairs. Ben limped behind.  
A sob and a whimper. Lincoln swept up the stairs and scratched Joshua's door with a whimper. "Joshua!" Ben shouted softly and hobbled up the stairs.

Josh had been dreaming. He saw this terrible night again in front of him. The monster, as his little brothers had said. His mom, huddled beside the stove, fear of death in her eyes. And then ... blood everywhere ...   
He screamed.  
"Joshua!" Someone called his name, hugged him and stroked him. He began to sob.  
Ben sat at Joshua's bed and stroked him. The boy must have had a nightmare. Ben was well acquainted with this helpless feeling. When he was little and his mum died, he also had nightmares. But nobody had hugged and caressed him.  
And later, after his accident, the dreams came again. Even today, every now and then. Oh, he knew exactly how Joshua felt.  
And he was still a child! A small, frightened child who wanted nothing more than to protect his family.  
"Shh.", Ben said, rocking him in his arms. "It's okay, son. You don't have to be scared. You're not alone. I will not leave you alone with this burden. This huge load that's too heavy for your small shoulders."  
Ben knew what he was talking about. He had been left alone with all the burden he couldn't bear. And he was a few years younger than Josh.  
"Mr. Fraser? "Josh's voice was barely audible. Ben stroked his hair. "Shh, I'm here, son." "Why?" The boy whispered. Ben smiled. "Because I know what it's like to be alone. Especially when you're young and afraid."  
After a while, Josh calmed down and stopped sobbing. "Mr. Fraser?" He asked again. "Hmm.", Ben said. "Thanks," the boy whispered. "Thank you for being there for me, even if I didn't deserve it."  
Oh Lord! What was this kid talking about? Suddenly Ben got a frightening realization. This boy was like him. He blamed himself for what had happened. But he was still a child!  
"Nonsense," Ben said tenderly, hugging the kid to himself. "It's not your fault, son. You deserve that someone's there for you. Every child deserves love and tenderness."  
Ben felt that an iron fist closed around his heart.  
Yes, this boy deserved to be loved. More than anything else.

Another little boy came to mind. Only six years old and suddenly without a mother. And with a father who had no time for him. Who gave him to the grandparents who loved him, but rarely showed it to him. This boy he had been.  
"I don't understand why you do that," Joshua said softly. Ben covered him and sat on the floor beside Joshua's bed, resting his chin on his fist. He knew he would regret squatting like this, but Joshua needed him now. He looked at the boy and said, "You know, Josh, there was a boy like you a long time ago. He was six years old when his mother died …

She did not die from illness or an accident. She was murdered.  
And this boy had to watch it.  
He didn't see WHO shot her, but he found her bleeding in the snow.  
It wasn't in Chicago, but in northern Canada.  
The boy's father was a mountie and very rarely at home.  
One evening, the boy and his mother sat comfortably in their cabin, they heard a dogsled team.  
The boy thought it was his father, but his mother told him to stay in the house and went to the door.  
He heard his mother arguing with a man outside, wondering who he was and why he was arguing with his mother. He also heard a few times the name "Bob". The name of his father.  
Then he heard a shot. From a rifle. He knew the sound, his father had took him going to hunt last summer and killed a caribou.  
But there was no caribou near the cabin, otherwise he would have seen their tracks in the snow in the afternoon when he was playing outside.  
Suddenly it was quiet.  
The boy heard the dogsled team move away. Now his mother would come right back to the cabin.  
But she didn't come.  
Maybe there was a caribou and it took some time to prepare it for transport. But the man could have helped her.  
Well, maybe he needed to move on?  
Finally it was already dark.  
His mother probably didn't want to leave the caribou outside overnight so that the carcass wouldn't attract any wild animals.  
The boy climbed onto the windowsill and looked outside.  
The moon lit up the snow, but the boy couldn't really see anything. Only a dark lump in the snow.  
The caribou?  
But actually the lump was too small. Perhaps another animal?  
His mother had surely gone to the barn to get his father's tools and the stall lanterns. He would have liked to look up, but he had promised his mother to stay in the house.  
And he was an obedient little boy, whose parents should be proud of him. His mother shouldn't have to complain when his father came home.

Since the boy couldn't help her in disassembling and transporting the animal, he decided to prepare a surprise for her. If she wanted him to help her, she would surely get him.

So he took his crayons and a piece of paper and began to draw.

His mother loved roses. She had tried to plant a rose garden, but the Queen of flowers didn't grow in the harsh climate of the north.  
So he began to draw a rose for his mother. He went to great lengths to make it look beautiful.

At some point he became tired. Terribly tired. And his mother still wasn't back. So he decided to go to bed. He wrote in his most beautiful handwriting under the rose:

"FOR MUM.  
I LOVE YOU.  
YOUR BEN "

And put the sheet of paper next to his mother's breakfast board. So she would find it at the latest tomorrow morning and be proud of him.

When the boy woke up the next morning, it was cold in the cabin. It didn't smell like breakfast, as usual. And he didn't hear his mother sing. As she always did in the morning.  
Was she still asleep?  
Surely it was late until she brought the killed animal into the barn.

"Mum?" He shouted softly. From the barn he heard the dogs bark.  
He climbed on the windowsill and looked out. The dark lump he'd seen last night was still there. Only it was half-blown from the snow.  
He wondered if his mother hadn't managed to evade the slaughtered animal.  
Perhaps she had become tired?  
He blinked at the bright sunlight and stared at the lump.  
What lay there was covered with his mother's parka. He smiled.

Sly Mum!

So the venison took the smell of humans and frightened wolves and other animals. Alright then. He would make breakfast today and then wake up his mother. After all, he was already six years old. Almost a man. He dressed, went to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water.  
But the stove was off.The boy wasn't sure if he could get him to heat up.  
He piled wood into the fire-hole and looked for the matches. But he couldn't find them. Surely his mother had hid them.

He remembered a conversation between his parents. His father cursed because he couldn't find the matches and his mother thought she had to hide them so that the boy wouldn't do nonsense with them. His father argued that he was a clever boy and would never play with the matches.That made the boy proud.  
But his mother thought he was a very curious, multi-interested child and that she wanted to prevent something from happening. After all, he had inherited the imprudence of his father and he knew what had happened then.They had to live in an igloo for a while.  
The boy wondered what might have happened at that time, but he couldn't remember ever having lived in an igloo. So that was probably before his birth.  
However, he found the thought of living in an igloo interesting. He would have liked to ask his parents, but then they knew he had been eavesdropping.  
All right then.He would wake his mother and ask for the matches, after that she could go on sleeping. He would get it.

He quietly opened the door to the parents' bedroom, but the bed was empty. It looked as if it had been unused all night. Helplessly the boy rubbed his brow with his thumb.  
Perhaps his mother was in the barn?  
When he came back to the kitchen he saw that the picture he draw for his mother lay unaffected in the same place. So his mother hadn't been in the house? A sudden lump in his throat let him swallow.

Where was she?

No, he didn't want to be afraid. So the barn! He put on his boots, his jacket and his toque, took his mittens, and left the house.

There were no traces from the house to the barn. That surprised him. He looked around. It was very cold, the sun was shining and the snow glittered.  
The boy shielded his eyes from the bright light with his hands. The only tracks he found led to the lump in the snow. He followed them.  
When he got there, he knelt down and freed what was lying there from the snow. Yes, it was clearly his mother's parka. And there was blood everywhere.  
Red frozen in the white of landscape. Like a bright fanal, in the colors of his country.  
Then he pushed the hood from the parka aside and his heart stopped for a moment.

His own eyes stared at him.  
Large and blue and without life.

It took him awhile to realize that it was his mother.  
He knew she was no longer alive, but he still tried to wake her up.  
When he realized that he couldn't do it, he snuggled up to warm her.

It was getting cold.

Terribly cold.

But he didn't care.

He felt nothing but a great emptiness.

Wide and white and cold, like the landscape in which he lived.

Somehow he heard the dogs bark and whimper in the barn, and wished they would be quiet so that he could sleep.  
Cuddled to his mother, like a baby ...

But then he remembered what his father had said before he left.  
He said, "Take care of the dogs, son, this is your duty, they are the first thing you need to worry about when you get up in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed. If that works, I'll teach you how to drive a dog sled when I come home next time. And soon you'll get your own team. "

The boy had been very proud at the time, and even if his mother had objections and thought he was still much too young, almost a baby, the boy was happy that his father had so much confidence in him. He begged until his mother allowed it.

He told her that he was about to return, that he had only to feed the dogs and then he stood up.  
He stomped to the barn with stiff limbs.

When the heat of the barn surrounded him, he simply collapsed.

After he had come back to consciousness, his father was there and the village doctor. The boy lay in his bed and felt miserable.The doctor said he's running a high fever and had a pneumonia. He would have slept for two days. The only thing the boy could remember was that he was thirsty. Terrible thirsty. His father gave him tea, and he was very happy about it.

Then the nightmares began.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the lot of blood and the dead eyes of his mother, which were so similar to his own.  
His father didn't know what to do and asked the boy's grandmother for advice.  
She looked after father and son until the boy was healthy, which lasted a long time.

But the nightmares remained.  
Sometimes they are still there…

When he finished, he said, "This boy, Joshua, was me. And that's why I'm here for you." Ben sighed softly.  
"Sorry ...", mumbled Joshua tired. "May I hug you, too, Mr. Fraser?"  
This kid! Ben thought. It had enough of its own worries and wanted to comfort him? An adult man who had made peace with his past and now had his own family.  
Groaning, Ben got up and sat down on the bed with Josh. His back ached and his leg cramped, but what's the point?  
"Do you mind if you lie next to me for a moment?" The boy asked bashfully. "No," Ben replied, "it's okay if you want it." "Yes.", Josh breathed.  
Ben lay down and they held and comforted each other. Two lost souls who had found each other.

Joshua was fast asleep, but Ben was still awake and thinking. All his life he had wondered if he could save his mother. If he only would have gone outside right after he had heard the shot. Or at least when the dog sled had left. Maybe he could have saved her? But he was only six years old at the time, it was dark and the nearest neighbours miles away. How should he get help? Later he learned that his mother had died instantly. A smooth shot through the heart.  
Nevertheless, he blamed himself. He could have at least try to help her. But she had told him to stay in the house ...  
He had never told anyone this story so accurately. Not even Meg or his own children. But somehow it seemed right that he had told Joshua. So the boy could understand him better.

Meg woke up because the phone was ringing. Groaning, she sat up and looked at the clock. Only six o'clock and they had vacation! When she looked over to Ben's bedside, she noticed that he wasn't there. Apparently he had already got up. Then he could also answer the phone, which didn't want to stop ringing.  
Oh man! Sighing, she dropped back into the pillows. Typical! Ben once again forgot to switch on the answering machine. Then he should also kindly answer it.  
The phone kept ringing. With a frustrated wheeze, Meg rolled out of bed. Ben was probably with the dog outside. Hopefully not jogging ... in this weather.  
"Fraser," she growled into the phone. "Hello Dragon Lady! I need to talk to Benny urgently. Is he there?" "Ray ..." she moaned resignedly.  
"Is he still asleep?" Ray asked. Meg replied resignedly, "Seriously, Ray, I have no idea where he is." "Alright," Ray said. "Tell him to get in touch with me when he shows up. Joshua's hearing is this afternoon." Meg was astonished. "What? So fast?" "Yes, "Ray said. "Lt. Welsh just informed me about it. I was just as surprised as you were." "Good," Meg replied, "If Ben shows up, I'll tell him.“  
After she hung up, she went to the kitchen and made coffee. Where could Ben be? It was snowing heavily outside. I hope he hadn't come up with the glorious idea of running. She knew that he often had problems in this weather.  
Suddenly she had an idea. Maybe he was with Joshua?  
Since the boy was supposed to going home today and had been so sad yesterday, was Ben perhaps with him to comfort him?  
Apparently he loved the kid very much. Probably because Joshua's sad childhood reminded him of his own no less sad childhood.  
Great! Meg thought. Then he sleeps on the floor again and will be in pain all day. The guy probably never learned it ...  
Sighing, she went to the stairs. She quietly opened the door to Joshua's room.  
Ben was actually there, but he wasn't lying on the floor, as expected, but in Joshua's bed. The two held each other in their arms. Meg shook her head. She stepped to the bed and shook Ben gently by the shoulder.  
"Hey, wake up, you hero," she called softly. Ben growled and she shook him again. Lincoln, who lay at the foot of the bed, watched her attentively. "You're not much help to me," she complained. Lincoln just whined softly and rested his head on his paws. Now Meg had to smile, he reminded her too much of Diefenbaker.  
"Wake up, Ben!", She tried again. He growled again. Joshua mumbled something, sighed and turned to the other side.  
Meg leaned down and kissed her husband. As she straightened, she looked into two big blue Mountie eyes. "Morning," the associated Mountie muttered sleepily. "Yes, of course." She smiled. "Come on, get up, but be quiet so you don't wake the boy."  
Followed by Lincoln, she left the room.  
Ben looked after her. Then he rubbed his face and registered where he was. "Oh dear," he mumbled. Joshua was fast asleep.  
Ben wondered about himself. He had only wanted to lie down next to the boy for a few minutes, because he had asked him, then he must have fallen asleep.  
Slowly he sat up and checked his body. He was doing remarkably well, only his back hurt a bit. Okay, he could live with that. When he looked at the clock, he realized that it wasn't until half past six. Why did Meg wake him up? They had a holiday and could sleep in. Did something happen?  
When he came to the kitchen, Meg was preparing breakfast. "Hi.", Grinning he rubbed his ear. Meg studied him and smiled. He was dressed only in his underwear, barefoot, with beard stubble and ruffled hair. "What is it?" He asked. "You're sexy." Meg grinned. "Huh?" Irritated he rubbed his brow. Meg had to laugh. "Sit down, breakfast is ready soon." Frowning, he sat down at the kitchen table. Meg offered him a cup of tea and said, "I'm sorry I woke you, honey, but Ray called. Joshua's hearing is already this afternoon. You should call him back urgently."  
"What ?!" Ben jumped up in surprise. His sick leg gave way and he stumbled. "Well, well, slowly!", Meg warned. "Sorry," he mumbled and limped into the hallway where the phone was to call Ray.

"Ray?" "Benny! There you are! Meg said she doesn't know where you are." "I ... I slept." But apparently not with your wife." Ben heard Ray giggle. "Meg said Joshua's hearing is already today?" He distracted. "Yes," Ray replied. "This afternoon, three o'clock. Lt. Welsh informed me earlier. The prosecution wants the story off the table before Christmas, so the Hendriks can celebrate Christmas in peace." "Hm," Ben said. "And what if Joshua has to go to youth detention?" "Hey!" Ray shouted. "That will not happen! Where is my optimistic partner?"  
"But ..." "Nothing but, Benny! Think positive!" Ben sighed. "Well. When will we meet?" "I'll pick you up at two." "Okay. I just have to tell Joshua carefully. It all went a bit fast." "Yes, but the boy’s strong. He can do it." "Ray?" "Yes?" "Do you think I can be with him during the hearing? He trusts me."  
Ray sighed deeply. "I don't know, Benny. Children are usually heard separately. At least at that age. His mother will be there." "But he needs me!" Ben put in. Ray chuckled. "Yes, Benny. We all need you. Wait, we'll see. Now go and get some clothes. I'll bet you're in your underwear in the hallway shivering with cold. Besides, your leg hurts. It doesn't stand the cold." Ben stared at the receiver in confusion. How could his friend know that? "Ray ..." he said irritably and heard him laugh. "Hey, Fraser! I know my best friend!" Ben shook his head. "See you then, Ray.“


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the hearing, Joshua is glad he got off relatively lightly. And then it's Christmas and it's celebrated. At the Vecchio's. A whole new experience for the Hendriks.  
> Robert has his own thoughts ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's done now. This is the last chapter of this translation.  
> If you like it or found some grammar mistakes or glitches - feel free to comment.  
> Have fun with this story.

After breakfast, the children made plans. They wanted to go outside. It had snowed all night and it didn't keep them in the house.  
Only Joshua was unusually quiet and looked at Ben with a stealthy look.  
Ben noticed that and asked the boy what was going on.  
"I ... I think I have to go home today, Mr. Fraser," he replied shyly. Smiling, Ben stroked his head and said, "Little plan change, son. We have to talk." Joshua looked at him anxiously, but Ben smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, Joshua, it's all okay." Then he looked at his children and said, "Caroline? Robert? Go outside, I’ve something to discuss with Joshua. It will not be long, okay?"

Josh sat at the kitchen table and looked out to see Rob and Caro raging around with Lincoln. He was sad. They had it good, they were allowed to spend their childhood carefree. How much he wished to live that way too. To be a child without problems that he couldn't handle. He wished the Frasers were his parents too.  
The next moment he was ashamed of this thought. That wasn't fair to his mom. She made every effort to offer him and his siblings a reasonably good life.  
He remembered the story Ben had told him from his own childhood. That was a lot worse. And today, according to Caro, he was the best dad in the world. The boy decided to be a father like Ben later on.  
“Well? Longing for the outdoors?" Josh jumped up and looked startled at Ben, who suddenly stood in front of him. He hadn't noticed him. Ben laughed. "It will not be long, son, then you can go to Caroline and Robert in the garden." Josh nodded.  
Ben sat down opposite him and looked him in the eyes. The boy was scared, even though he tried not to show it. Ben smiled reassuringly.  
"You know, Joshua," he said, "Detective Ray called this morning. Your hearing is already this afternoon.“  
Josh paled and swallowed. The fear threatened to overwhelm him. Ben took his hand. "You really don't have to be scared, boy.", He said affectionately. "Everything will be alright, I promise you."  
With huge eyes the child stared at the man. "But what if I have to go to detention center?" Then we will manage that, too."  
Ben would’ve liked to tell him he wouldn't have to go to the detention center, but that would be a false promise. He couldn't know it. After all, this possibility existed.  
"Joshua." Ben took the boy's hands in his. "Listen to me. I'll be there for you, no matter how it ends. The way you were there for me last night. That meant a lot to me. Frankly, I don't think you have to go to youth detention, but if it does, I'll do anything, really, to get you home as soon as possible."  
Josh smiled shyly and whispered, "Thank you, Mr. Fraser." Ben smiled back. "This afternoon at two o'clock Ray picks us up. Your mom will be there too. Don't worry, son. And now go outside." Ben looked after him thoughtfully.

Meg saw Ben sitting at the table, lost in thought. She stepped behind him and put her hands around his shoulders. He jumped. "Sorry," Meg said quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you." He put his head back, looked up at her, and smiled. She asked, "Is everything alright?" He took her by the hands and pulled her onto his lap. "Ben ...", she protested weakly. "Your leg." He grinned and gave her a kiss. "You know," he said, "I'm worried about Joshua." She stroked his hair. "Oh, Ben. It will be alright. Everything has to be OK. Josh is such a dear boy, every judge in the world would spare him further torments." Ben sighed. "If only it were ..."

On the way to the court Joshua was very quiet and tense. Ben looked at him. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he said softly.  
How gladly would the boy believe him. He definitely didn't want to go to youth prison. He wanted to go home to his mom and siblings. Suddenly he remembered something. "Mr. Fraser?" He asked softly. Ben looked at him. The boy was pale and looked scared. "Yes?" "Will ... will ... I mean ... will he be there too?" Ben smiled and shook his head. "No, I don't think so, son.“

They waited in the hallway of the courthouse. Ben was sitting in one of the chairs, nervous now. Ray paced up and down the hall and Joshua stood by the window, not sure what to think. Suddenly he heard someone calling his name.  
"Josh!" He looked to the other end of the hallway. "Mom!" He shouted and ran. He threw himself into his mother's arms and began to sob. Calmingly, she stroked his head. He didn't need to know she was scared too.  
Ray and Ben greeted Mrs. Hendriks. She took Ben's hands and looked him in the eye.  
"Thanks, Corporal Fraser," she said softly. "Thank you for everything you and your family did for my son." She glanced over at Ray and added, "And thank you too, Detective.“

Joshua was in a next room with Ben while Ray and Mrs. Hendriks were in the hearing. She was first heard. Josh came later. Ben had asked to stay with the boy when he wasn't needed. He was allowed to. He could also make his statement afterwards.  
After about an hour, Joshua was called into the boardroom. He looked at Ben with big, terrified eyes. Ben smiled reassuringly and took his hand. "Just tell the truth, son," he insisted. "Then nothing can happen to you." Josh nodded.

It was a torture for the boy when he was asked questions again and again. Ben, Ray and Josh's mother were in the front row, tense. The judge was a middle-aged woman and mother of three. Ray said that was an advantage for Josh.  
She asked the boy what had happened that night. He should tell everything exactly and need not be afraid as long as he stayed true. Josh nodded and began to tell the whole grisly story haltingly. Without beautification. At first he stuttered and was very scared, but when he saw the pride in his mother's and Ben's encouraging smiles, the words flowed smoothly.  
Ray had told Mrs. Hendriks and Ben that Mr Hendriks, who was still in the hospital, had already been interviewed and his statement was submitted to the judge.  
When Josh finished his story, he wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers, smiling shyly, and said to the judge, "Yeah, that's how was, ma'am and I'm sorry, but I had to protect my mom. My little siblings need her and me ... me too. Then he looked down and whispered, "If I ... if I hadn’t helped her, he would eventually kill her. I'm sorry, ma'am. May I go to my mom now?"

"Ray?" Ben called his friend again, who was standing in the hall of the courthouse at the window and looking out. "Ray ..." Again he didn't react. He was completely lost in thought. He remembered his own childhood and the violence of his own father. He, too, had often come home drunk and bullied his family. Ma Vecchio had to endure a lot. When Ray was Fifteen he had resisted…  
"Ray!" Ben put a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around. Mrs. Hendriks was sitting on one of the benches and Josh was in her lap.  
Sighing, Ray rubbed his face. "Benny," he said. "You're done yet?" "Yes." Ben nodded. "It didn't take long. Now it's time to wait. Do you want a coffee?" "Gladly." Ray smiled. Ben asked Mrs. Hendriks if she wanted coffee too.  
Ray looked after his friend who was limping down the hall.  
Ben came back with coffee for the adults and a lemonade for Joshua. He sat down beside the Hendriks on the bench. Josh picked up the soda and thanked him nicely. Ben smiled. "It's going to be okay son," he reassured the boy.  
The jury had finished their consultation and the whole company was called into the hall. When they were seated, everyone looked forward to the judge. Josh held Ben's hand on one side and his mother's on the other.  
The judge put aside her papers, crossed her hands, and leaned forward a bit.  
"Joshua Hendriks," she said. "You attacked your father with a metal rod during the night from the third to the fourth of December this year, because he had beaten your mother again and again. Of course that's not okay. But since your father has been demonstrably violent, not only to your mother, but also to you and your siblings, mitigating circumstances apply here. Besides, you're only ten years old. The jury has decided that you don't have to go to detention center  
because you haven't been criminalized before. However, I give you and your family the requirement to take advantage of psychological support and to prove this regularly at the youth welfare office. Likewise, you and your family will be provided with family support. First for half a year. And you must not be delinquent, in any form. Not even sweets in the supermarket you can steal. Did you understand that?"  
With wide eyes the boy nodded. The relief was reflected on his face. He had sometimes stolen sweets for his younger siblings in the past, but had never been caught. He resolved never to do that again. If the kids wanted sweets but couldn't afford them, he'd just ask Mr. Fraser. Or Robert.  
The judge said, "And one more thing, Joshua. You will take good care of the school and study diligently so that your mother will be proud of you. Do you have a school friend who can help you?"  
"Yes!", Josh called immediately. "Robert Fraser! He’s Mr. Fraser's son and my friend. He's almost as smart as his dad."  
The judge smiled and the jury laughed restrained.  
"Good," said the judge. "Are you accepting this punishment?" "Yes, ma'am!" Josh shouted in relief. "Nice. Then that's how it is. The penalty is now legally valid. Do you still have questions?" The boy swallowed and looked down at the floor, embarrassed.  
Then he said softly, "Yes, ma'am. Will he ... will he come back again?"  
Smiling, the judge shook her head. "No, Josh. Your mother divorces and there is a restraining order for your father. He must not approach you and your family, otherwise he'll be arrested immediately. So you don't have to be afraid anymore."  
"Thanks, ma'am," the boy whispered. "Good," said the judge. "Anything else?" "No, ma'am." She hit the table with the hammer. "That concludes the hearing." Then she looked at Josh's mother. "Mrs. Hendriks, would you please come to me for a moment to discuss the details?" Mrs. Hendriks nodded. "We're waiting outside with Josh," Ray said, laying a reassuring hand on her arm.  
They got up. Mrs. Hendriks hugged her boy and kissed him. With tears in her eyes, she whispered, "I love you, Josh." "I love you too, Mom," he replied. "We meet outside."

It was snowing when they left the courthouse. "It's snowing!" Josh exclaimed enthusiastically, spreading his arms, looking up at the sky, trying to catch the big fat flakes with his tongue.  
Ray grabbed a handful of snow, laughingly, formed a snowball and threw it at Ben. Ben turned quickly and the ball slapped his back. "You can't leave it, huh?" Ben grinned with a twinkle in his eyes. Ray looked confused for a moment. "What?" He asked. "To shoot me in the back." Ben replied laughing.  
Rays horrified look was priceless. "Benny ..." he stammered, but Ben only laughed, quickly formed a snowball and threw it at Ray. "Hey!", he protested.  
Josh looked from one to the other and grinned broadly as Ray hid behind some garbage cans and began to bombard his friend out of cover.  
"Joshua, help me!" Ben shouted as Ray's snowball hit him in the neck. You didn't have to say that twice to the boy. He reached into the snow, forming a ball and hurling it in Ray's direction. "Two against one’s unfair!", He lamented. Ben exclaimed laughingly: "You have cover and besides, I am invalid, so I can get help. That's only fair.“ "You've lost your disability bonus a long time ago!" Ray shouted back, jumping out of the cover and grabbing Joshua. The kid squeaked in shock. "Ha!" Ray shouted. "I have a captive! What are you doing now, Fraser?"  
At that moment, Mrs. Hendriks came out of the building and Ray let Josh go.  
Immediately, the boy ran into his mother's arms. Amazed, she looked at the three. Both men and the boy had red cheeks, bright eyes and damp hair hanging in the forehead. Well, except for Ray, who had barely any hair. "What did you do?", asked Joshua's mother. The boy beamed all over his face. "Snowball fight!"

When they dropped off Josh and his mom in front of their new apartment, Mrs. Hendriks hugged the two men and said, "Thank you. I don't know how to thank you. You can't imagine how happy I am. Thanks to you, we have a new life." Ben smiled. "It's okay." Josh also thanked and Ben said he could visit them anytime. "Good," said the boy. "Then I come tomorrow and go play with Rob and Caro ice hockey. Rob will certainly lend me his old skates again."  
The boy looked a little sad. He would’ve liked to have his own hockey equipment, but it was quite expensive and they needed every penny to set up the apartment right now. Robert's old gear did it too. He loved ice hockey. The Fraser kids even played in a real club. Well, they could teach him what they were learning on the pond in the park. It must be great to play in a real team.  
They said goodbye to Ray and Ben, and Josh entered his new home for the first time.

On Christmas day, everyone met at the Vecchios. Including the Hendriks family. Ma Vecchio beamed. She, Frannie and Maria had been standing in the kitchen all day preparing for the Christmas dinner. Ma Vecchio loved to have many people around and to feed them.  
The Hendriks' children got big eyes when they saw the richly set table.  
Little Joey whispered, "Mommy? Are we in a fairy tale now? In the land of milk and money , where is always food? Josh told me about it."  
Elisa Hendriks laughed and took the little one in the arm. "No, Joey," she replied. "We aren't in the land of milk and honey. We're with friends."  
The boy looked at her with bright eyes and grinned: "Oh ... friends are much better than fairy tales."  
Meg stroked his head and said: "Yes, my little one. Friends are much better than fairy tales because they're true."  
After the meal, everyone sat comfortably in front of the fireplace. John and Joey played with Lincoln. Ma Vecchio had the little Chloe in her arms. Stephanie talked to Frannie about women's issues and Ben held Meg's hand. "Are you happy?" He asked softly. She leaned over to him. "Yes, very happy." Then she kissed him.  
Ray rang the bell. “Presents!" The children cheered enthusiastically.

Since they couldn't all sleep at the Vecchios, they had decided to postpone the gift exchange for the children to the early evening.  
Joshua's eyes widened as he saw his presents.  
A complete hockey equipment, just for him and an annual subscription in the same club in which the Fraser kids played. With tears in his eyes, he looked at the Frasers and whispered, "Thanks, but I can't accept that." "Why not?" Caro asked. "Don't you like it?"  
“Sure I do ... but I didn't deserve that after what I did," he replied softly. Ben stroked his head with a smile. "Yes, son. That's why you deserve it." The boy looked questioningly at him. Ray said, "Fraser’s right, Joshua. Later, when you're older, you'll understand."

Later that evening, when the Frasers were back home and quiet had returned, Meg and Ben were in bed. Meg said, "I'm glad it's over." "Me too," Ben replied. Meg leaned on one elbow and looked at her husband, who was lying on his back with his eyes closed. "Are you tired, darling?" She asked. "Hm Mmm.", He said.  
Then he opened his eyes, looked at her, and said, smiling, "I promised the kids to play hockey with them on the pond in the park tomorrow, but I don't know if I can still do it. Do you know where my old gear is?"  
Meg stared at him in horror. "You have WHAT?!" He grinned crookedly. "Meg, I play sledge hockey, it's not much different." "Ben, you ..." She was annoyed. These and similar things have been discussed for years. Over and over again. It had become a kind of ritual.  
"Meg," he said. "It's just a game. With children. Stop worrying about everything." She sighed and said," I doubt you can even skate with your leg." "Bets?" He grinned. Frustrated, she shook her head. "Stubborn enough you are."  
He kissed her. "Did I tell you today that I love you?" "Not exactly." "Shall I show you?" "Fraser!" He chuckled and kissed her again. "Ben?" "Hm?" “Let you do it?" “Let I do what?" "The operation." He groaned. "Let's think about it in the New Year, yes?" She gave in. "Agreed. And now love me, you horny Mountie."

Caro quietly opened the door to her brother's room. "Rob?" She whispered. "What is it?" He answered angrily. The girl slipped into the room and quietly closed the door behind her. "Can't you sleep too?" She asked. "Nah." "Why not?" "Because you'll not let me, stupid nut."  
Pouting Caro pushed her lower lip forward. "I'm not a stupid nut, you dumbass." Robert sighed in frustration. "So what is it?" He asked. "Can I come into your bed?" She begged. Her brother gave way. Sometimes she was just such a baby. "Thanks," she piped and snuggled up to him. "You, Rob? We can be really happy that we have become Frasers and not Hendriks."  
The boy looked at her with the same look his dad used when someone said something nonsensical and said, "You're crazy.“  
"Nah!" Protested the girl. "Really, Rob! We're really lucky with our parents, even though they're sometimes strict." "Hm. Yes.", Rob admitted. Caro said, "Even if you hate it and are ashamed that Dad’s crippled."  
Robert started up. "That's not true!" He exclaimed angrily. "Out!"  
Although he usually resembled his father, sometimes his mother's temper got through.  
"Yes, that's true," Caroline said calmly as she climbed out of bed, "and you're just angry because you know I'm right.“ She left the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.  
He hated it when he had to admit that his little sister was right. Yes, sometimes he hated that his father was ill. He hated the unfairness. Especially when his dad wasn't feeling well. But he would never hate Uncle Ray for that, because Dad had said he'd saved his life. Robert didn't understand that, but he knew that one day he would understand.  
And at some point he would talk to Dad about it.  
But now he had to take care of Josh first. Dad had helped him and his family, now it was his, Roberts's job, to take care of him.   
As a friend.  
He fell asleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
